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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Thursday, December 29, 2011


                             What's happening you filthy animals? Hope all is well and your ready for the New Year. Remember, Saturday night is not only the end of the year but its also Knucklehead Central! Every fucking idiot comes out to party and goes home with stitches. How do I know? Thirty years ago, I was one of those fucking idiots, and I saw some bad shit and one night I got the shit knocked out of me so please, be careful, I need you cocksuckers around for 2012, when this party either stops or it ends.
                             Last Sunday night, Xmas day. Felicia Micheals and her two young boys accompanied me to The Ontario Improv to watch Gabriel Iglesias perform. Felicia approached me about two weeks ago and asked that when I attend Gabriel's yearly Xmas party to do her a favor and get his autograph for her boys that they were fans.
                            When I arrived at the bash I saw a lot of old friends and after a while I bumped into Gabriel and I thanked him for inviting me and also for what he did for me by putting me on his show. In mid conversation I remembered Felicia's request and I asked him for the autographs, I told him that they were big fans which the kids really are, Felicia told me that they were reciting his jokes and his noise effects. As we were looking for something to sign he said to me, I've got one better. Why don't you bring them to my show in L.A. on the 30th of December and I'll let them come back stage and get Cd's and shirts and stuff? I told them they'd be out of town but why didn't I bring them down to the Xmas day show. I ran it by Felicia and it worked so we went down as agreed.
                            We got there and within minutes, Gabriel showed up. The place was packed. After the show started, I asked Gabe if I could bring them back now. He said yes so I went and got the boys with Felicia. They were excited. They took pictures and met the other guys, it was great. We waited till Gabe went up on stage and caught his first half hour, it was amazing. I kept watching the boys for there reactions to the jokes, they were loving it. I mean, there on stage was their favorite comic. I felt so happy for what I was watching. These guys were really having a fun. Then I thought, its Xmas day, did I ever do anything like this at that age. The older boy is 12. What did I do for Xmas when I was 12? I couldn't remember. Then I thought to myself 13? What did I do for Xmas for entertainment that particular year?
                          I was in the 8th grade at McKinley School in North Bergen New Jersey. One of my teachers that year was a cool motherfucker named Wally Lindsey. He was our math teacher but he also doubled as the Mayor of Weehawken, New Jersey. That the town you see when Tony Soprano's car is coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel and its going around the ramp. Anyway, Mayor's usually have suit wearing, College educated guys around them giving them advice and what not and one guy to do his dirty work, Mr. Lindsey's guy was a man by the name of "Turk Jordan". I have no idea what his first name was and I didn't give a shit. He wasn't a big guy or a flashy guy but I knew because of the way I had grown up that this guy had seen some action. Weehawken, at the time was quiet in a way but rough and tumble type place which has some fucked up bars that border the Hudson River. I went to a few of the bars in the area to cop in the early eighties and they weren't fucking around in there. It was just a dark place.
                     Mr. Lindsey did a lot of good things for us. He really liked me and he knew that the kids I hung out with and myself loved basketball. One way or another he found out that a few of us were looking for tickets for Xmas day when the Philadelphia 76's with Dr.J,  played the Knicks with Bernard King. It was going to be great. I didn't get high at the time, I was still in my athletic phase and the kids I was going to the game didn't get high either. Anyway, he suggested that we talk to Turk because he knew certain people that could get him tickets. With that, I contacted Turk and told him about my dillema. He said no problem, he was going to the game anyway so we could ride with him, it was great. We had met him at a couple of school functions with Mr. Lindsey, and he always seemed cool.
                    Xmas day had finally arrived. I didn't give a fuck about Santa! I was going to see Dr.J! I call Turk bright and early, you know me, I get no answer. An hour later, I try again, and again and nothing. At 5:30PM, my phone rings, its Turk. He said he had a problem with his car, that he was going to meet his friend for the tickets in front of the Garden at 7:00PM, to meet him there. I call Chucky Mac and Whitey O'Donnel and tell them both the situation. Whitey's Grandpa will drive us. We decide on who's going to bring what, a shirt to get signed, a basketball, a picture or poster, that type of shit, we're 13. I do remember that even at 13, we put in like a five time bet to split which was 25 dollars to win or 30 dollars to lose between Whitey and myself.
                      The whole ride we're super excited, we're yelling about dunks and shots and who's going to guard who. We get there and we see Turk shaking his head. We ask him what's the problem? He tells us his friend didn't show up but that he knew another guy that would let us in for 10 dollars a head then we were on our own. We looked at each other and thought, fuck it, we'll get a seat. We walk up to the doors, Turk knocks, and an old white guy comes out and tells us the deal. We give him the cash and we all start running in like a bunch of mo-mo's with our parka's hoods over our heads and whatever bullshit things we were going to get signed under our arms.
                    We walk in and Turk knows the drill. He says we can't sit on the floor because people will come and we would get thrown out. He took us to the third level of the place which at the time was pretty empty and we found a row where we could all sit together. The game starts, and nobody shows and we got the row to ourselves. The second quarter starts and thats when the drama started and we got to see the real Turk in action.
                     Some nice white suburban family decides to sit next to us. Before the game starts he tells us that he bet like 5 grand on the game. I can't remember who he picked but they came out strong. He was already talking about taking us for steaks after the game. After a few minutes, his team starts to lose and he starts yelling, Nigger this, and you cocksucker that, and that white family is turning purple so are the two kids I'm with, I'm a little embarrased but I was a use to it. As a child I went to Met games with my mother and it was just as bad, not the racial slurs but the yelling and cursing, it was terrible.
                     The Father must have had a problem with his bladder because he kept getting up to go to the bathroom. After the third get up Turk told him to go to the YMCA because he could've gotten more exercise. Then he motherfucked the guy and called him a schlep rock because he was loosing. He told the guy his family was bad luck, they got into a pushing match but security came and broke it up and put the family in a different section. I almost forgot the main component to this story, it didn't matter that Turk was a little drunk or that he was cursing or being of obnoxious what really got me about all this was that he wore the worst tupee you had ever seen in your life. If I had something like that on my head, I wouldn't say a peep!
                   Not this guy. At half time he tells us he's going for a walk because he saw better seats that were open. We get to the red level which was I think the second level above the floor seats. We find a few chairs and we sit. He's loosing going into half time and he's still fuming. The 3rd quarter starts and he's yelling and screaming, finally security comes over and taps him on the shoulder and tells him to calm down, so what does Turk do? He makes a big deal about the guy touching him and his Amendments and what not. By this point of the night, Chucky and Whitey head's looked like they were about to explode. Again they tell us to move. This time we walk around the whole place in circles while the game is being played.  Turk's telling us why he doesn't let or like people tapping him on the shoulder that its rude and if somebody does it again, he's going to knock him out. Finally, we find a space to stand under this taller type partition that people were sitting behind. We're there 15 minutes with no drama. There's like 2 minutes left in the game and Turk is loosing and he starts yelling again. Its a 2 or 3 point spread, a free throw or 2 can win the game and its the last 2 minutes which is like foul central. Its usualy quiet when they shoot, their missing shots now Turk is yelling and cursing at the top of his lungs. I knew someone was going to say something but I really wanted someone to tap him on the shoulder, in a way, we all did.
              Not 2 minutes after that, a guy reaches down and taps him on the shoulder, to us 3, it was like time stopped. He grabs the guys fingers and starts cranking them around. Now the guy is yelling, Turk's yelling, its classic. At this point I was scared but at the same time I wanted to laugh because you could never write this shit. Turk lets the guys fingers go and its on, security is coming and we ran out of there all the way to Port Authority. We lost Turk along the way but we didn't give a fuck. We got on a bus and went back through the Tunnel back to Jersey. We were scared at first, then we laughed it off on the bus. When we went back from our school break, we all laughed about it with Mr. Lindsey. He asked us what we were thinking going with Turk? We told him that he had givin us the number but he said he didn't think we would go on with it. At that time is when Mr. Lindsey told us Turk's claim to fame, he once punched Red Auerbach, The Coach of the Bosten Celtics in the face and did time because of it. He was a sports freak. I never saw Turk again till we graduated from the 8Th grade when he brought an old washed up stripper from the roaring 30's to our basketball courts to see if any of us wanted to fuck her as a graduation present. We were all horny, but we all declined. He made her pull up her shirt and show us her fucked up tits and we all ran home crying.
            I never forgot that night, and sitting there watching Felicia's kids laughing gave me hope that one day when they're my age, they'll think about the night with Gabe and laugh like I did by myself tonight. I mean the night wasn't as crazy, but laughter is laughter, so who the fuck knows. Here's the strange twist, I haven't spoken to Whitey in 4 years, but Chucky, I spoke to on Sunday and we're going to hook up in Vegas tonight because he is a Head coach of a Men's college team that is playing in a tournament there, fucking fate, did we love hoops or not? I'm also going to try and interview him about this story and put it up on the Beauty And Da Beast Podcast on one of the future episodes.
            When we spoke Xmas day, he said he was thinking about me because he was watching the Knicks on TV and he remembered, obviously he remembered the night for different reason, I remember it for what it was, a guy being himself and giving me a memory I never forgot.
              Thank you very much for reading, and do me a favor, Have a Happy and Healthy New Year, without you guys, 2012 isn't going to be shit. Much love and remember......Stay Black!

Friday, December 23, 2011


                                     What's happening beautiful people? We have arrived, the season is right up on us. By tomorrow night you'll be sitting at someone's home or they'll be sitting at your's and after the hugs and the bullshit and a few eggnogs you're thinking, What The Fuck! Another Xmas added to my resume and in the words of John Lennon, what have I done? This is fucking amazing. I have a family and a job and a life and a few skeletons but who cares we're still here! So what we're broke and in the daily grind,  this is why we do it, for times like this. I never understood that early on in my life, I thought it was about money and presents, then something happened on the way to the dance that I'll never forget.

                                 As you know, I did a little time in my youth. Sometimes if you're lucky, you get to spend it inside during the holidays. I sat there the beginning of November thinking, Thanksgiving is going to suck but it turned out to be all right. We had turkey and what not and the meat was dryer than a motherfucker but since it was minumin security, we were allowed to bring in food, so I got together with some other invicts and we had our own little party, Nutter Butters and Tamales and home made nacho's with the cheeses that gets melted by the hot bar in an iron, Yummy and fun, I made it and it made me forget about what I was missing but I still dreaded Xmas, what will I do. I would cry to myself like a little bitch at night. By that time the death of my mother was starting to sink in and I felt guilty about where I had ended up. I had let her down, not to mention myself.
                                It was 88' and Aids was spreading like wildfire. Rock Hudson had givin it light but no one really knew much about it. By that time the government was getting slack for proper housing and facilities, so one of the things they had to do was to segregate prisoners with the disease in prisons, so one of the facilities they had set up where at our prison. They housed about 6 guys in there own barracks that was beautiful. We all lived in old barracks but they one they had for them was spotless, the walls were painted and they had a couple of microwaves which at the time were gold in a place like that, new furniture and a huge color TV.

                            I had met a couple of the guys in the gym and they would always invite me over. I can't lie, I was apprehensive because like others, I didn't know the limitations of the desease. I think four of them were heroin addicts and the other two were gay but they were Gangster gay. The one dude ran a national drug ring that supplied heroin and something like Ecstacy. Finally an Italian mobster guy from  Cleveland named Serafino took me over there. He liked to cook and as long as the guys got food, they didn't care. He was a bookmaker that also ran his action out of the Aids unit. He really loved those guys. On Sundays, he would cook and we'd watch the games, then we'd go back to our units and rest a while and come back to watch, Married With Children and America's Most Wanted and we'd cheer for the bad guys, it became a weekly ritual.

                    It was Xmas eve and I was down in the dumps. I hear a knock on my window and its Serafino telling me that theres going to be action at the Aids unit to come by. I told him I wasn't in the mood. He said that they were making a spread and that one of the guys had smuggled in a couple of gallons of wine. The Guards were really scared of the gay guys so they would never come over, and since it was a Holiday, no one would test us for alcohol for a couple of days. I told him I would be over in a few. I got a good cry out, wiped my eyes and thought to myself, why not? Let me walk over and say hello.

                  When I walked in the place was decorated to the nines. They didn't have a tree, so the made one from branches and what not. They had music blasting and there was food everywhere. Cold cuts, cookies, Tamales, nachos, all homemade. They got a VCR and had movies and a few pornos. They were singing and laughing. There were no drugs and I didn't drink but a half hour in, I sat down and looked around, these guys were having fun, especially the guys with Aids. Here I was feeling sorry for myself and I was surrounded by men who had a death sentence on them, and didn't exactly know there future and to boot, were locked up but they were celebrating like they were getting out, I was blown away!

                  It got late and I remember saying my good bye's and the guys hugging me and telling me it was great that I had come over, that I had made there night but walking out I started to think that these guys had made my night go by painless but that they had also givin me a new outlook on life and that was that no matter how bad life gets, one person could make it better and that person is you. These guys didn't give a fuck about there situations. There were no gift exchanges, there was no fancy wine or fancy silver ware or people talking about there vacations, the only thing that was in that room was happiness and in reality, that was the last place I would look for it or think that I could find it.

                Thank you very much for reading and from the bottom of my heart have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and thank you for the love and support you've shown me in the last year, its the reason I wake up some mornings! Much Love and STAY BLACK!

2012 is going to be beautiful!

R.I.P. James "Fat James" Price.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


                          What's happening beautiful people? Hope all is well in your lives. I'm sorry I haven't written much but  I've been busy. Can you believe there are only 6 more shoplifting days till Xmas? I can't believe the season is upon us, all you can do is sit back and enjoy.
                          I was sitting there yesterday looking at the calender and I noticed it was the 16th. As usual I thought about the date, it didn't ring a bell but the 18th did, its my friend Devo's birthday and also on that date in 83', I burglarized some chic dealers house in Aspen for a score but there was more, what was it? It was the night I won the Beck's Comedy Competition in Boulder twenty years ago, in reality, that was the turning point in my life.
                        The first time I got on stage in a legitimate comedy club was July of 91'. I tried it  because I wanted to see what it was like. I asked around and it seemed like it took a while to get established and there was a lot of starving involved in the process. At the time I had a wife and a child and I had been out of prison about 18 months and it just did not seem viable. It was a rush though, the lights, the people laughing, the applause, you walk off stage feeling like Superman. I was 28 at the time and I had done every drug but that feeling that stage had givin me was mind boggling, then you come down and you think about your past and your family and the people around you at the time and say, fuck it, I'm a loser, I could never do that and there you are.
                       The next day I went back to my job and my life and that was that. At lunch that week I picked up a local paper and in the entertainment section there was an add for a Comedy Contest that was going to be held at this Bar-Restaurant that I had been to in the past called, The Broker, they had a tremendous Sunday brunch and the place was kind of fancy.  I made a mental note but in my heart because of my situation I would be wasting my time.
                      That September I took a trip back to New Jersey alone to see some friends for a few days. While I was back there, I decided to go into The City one night and watch an open mike where comedians would go up. It was in a Bar in Hell's Kitchen and it lasted till about 3AM. I remember walking out of there and deciding that when I would return to Boulder, I was going to try that contest, regardless of my situation.
                      I got back to Boulder and immediately called the club and tried to get on the contest, they told me no, I had to have some type of reference or a tape or some shit so there went my dream. But before I could mourn it I ran into another problem, my wife and I decided that it was best if she moved out for a while to give us a breather because we really were unhappy together. I was looking for something but I didn't know what it was and she was in the same dillema. We had a child together but something was definately missing, I was sad but at the same time I knew this could be the answer to my problems.
                     A few weeks later I'm at a friends scoring coke or someshit and I'm telling him about this contest and how I couldn't get into the contest because this or that and he stops me and says, that guy is my buddy, I'll give him a call on Monday and I'll ask him, in the back of my mind I'm thinking, this is the coke talking, so I took it with a grain of salt. Monday night my phone rings and its my boy telling me to call the guy and he'll put me up. I get the number and call, he answers and tells me to come by the next day. How much time do I need to do? He tells me five minutes and I almost shit myself, it would take me all night to write five minutes, I thanked him, hung up and got to work.
                   The next night I show up with a suit and some fucked up material about Godzilla attacking New York and believe it or not, I won, not the contest but an opportunity to come back and advance to the finals, which were in December on the 18th to be exact. At the time it was the beginning of November so I had time to prepare.
                    For months I watched every stand up tape I could rent. I wrote with out knowing anything and I got on stage whenever I could, bombing and getting stared at and boo'd at every shit hole venue I would go up at. The only place I did half way decent were the poetry readings at the hippie joints in Boulder because they were stoned and would just sit there and smile, it was a nightmare.
                    Finally the night came. I showed up nervous as fuck. There would be four other comedians and myself and they all looked better than me, in more ways than one. My insecuritie levels were higher than usual. I couldn't think from the fear. I didn't have a wife or a child anymore, I had no job because it was working with her brothers, I had no formal training in anything but crime, I had no savings, I had no family, I was an ex convict and in reality, I had nothing but myself and the sense of humor that kept me from blowing my fucking brains out at the age of sixteen when  I realized I was alone in this world and right there at that moment I thought to myself, I'm going to be alone up on that stage, thats my specialty.  I could do this and with that some fucking magician comes up to me and says, your next!
                I don't remember what I said on that stage but those fuckers were howling for five minutes straight or at least thats how it seemed to me. When I got off the stage by the looks of the other comics faces, I knew I had won. The judges had to count the votes and then they would announce it but there was drama. One of the comedians told one of the judges that I wasn't an open miker because I had gotten paid to do a gig months earlier. I was in shock! The gig in question was an open mike in some shit hole bar in Greely were the booker would give you five dollars for gas because of the distance. They decided I wasn't a professional and I won the contest and the Five Hundred dollars which at the time felt like a half million because I had earned it without a gun or a scale. It was all me. I made copies of the check and stapled it to my Comedy resume at the time, I was such a fucking geek!
               That dumb night made me realize that I was something more than a junkie thief. I couldn't believe I could get paid for making people laugh. I decided to give it a year until something else came along and nothing ever did come along, but here I am. Its so stupid to think that a contest decided my fate and set the path to who I am today. Even if I wouldn't have won that night, knowing who I was back then still would have made me a winner because I went out of my comfort zone, I had nothing and I had nothing to lose so I went for it and what I really got wasn't a career it was a purpose, which in turn overcame all the stupid shit I was doing and the purpose won. That's the real reason I'm always in a good mood in the morning, because I know things could've turned out a lot different.
            Thank you very much for reading and thank you for all the support and the love. I hope you and your families have a great Holiday! I love you all of you ball lickers......Stay Black!

Monday, November 21, 2011


                  Hello beautiful people! Its a great week for a holiday. I can't wait for Thursday, I'm not doing dick. The usual, a little exercise in the morning, stop by the reefer store, some turkey with my wife, some football, then I make my rounds. To boot,  I'm staying in a mile radius this year because I don't want to be in a car all day like a cab driver, no drama!
                  Anyway, last Friday I wrote a post about me kidnapping that poor bastard 24 years ago. When I looked at the calender that morning it dawned on me like it does every year. Its a scary day for me, thats why I post it, a day that I will never forget because of the good and bad that came out of it. For years I would look at the date and cringe, for years I never mentioned it. This all went down in 87, I went to prison in 88. After I got out besides the people that were close to me, I told no one. For reasons I didn't understand, I think the main was my embarrassment. I always thought I was a street smart guy and a little intelligent, how could this and how did I let this happen?
                  I could've blamed it on the blow and my childhood but I didn't, I knew what I was doing. I look at a lot of people and I could tell if their bullshitting about a situation or if their bullshitting themselves, the latter is the worst because its not confidence, its a voice. How can I tell? That was me, bullshitting myself . When I look at a guy like Chris Brown for example. I knew he was bullshitting before the incident so when something happened I wasn't surprised because he didn't know who the fuck he was. He's on TV talking about growing up watching his mother get beat up, he hates this and he hates that but I knew he was just talking, Bamm! A year later he's beating up the singer and now he's in the public spotlight again and he still ain't right so he'll fuck up again, give him time.
                I know these things because that was me at 26, talking shit about what I was going to do with my future but deep down inside,  I didn't know who I was. At the time, this kidnapping fell in my lap, I was doing fine with my life. I had a great job, I was making great dough. I had a great place to live and a nice girlfriend and for the first time in years, peace! Why would I try to rob two kilo's of coke with two knuckleheads to boot?  I figured I could make a score and go back to Jersey to do what the fuck I was doing before....Nothing! Why?
              In my mind I guess I had no purpose. I always thought I would end up in jail and when I did I realized, that wasn't the life for me. I remember towards the end of the afternoon with those two idiots that I got involved with. There was a point that I had decided that this was a mistake and I was going to get caught. I went out to the trunk to get a peice I had hidden and I was going to shoot, the both of them, I remember hearing the buzzing in my ears and feeling my blood pressure rising but till this day I can't explain the energy that stopped me. At first I thought I was weak and I pussy but I figured out I was there so I wasn't a pussy, that thought, that minute was what made me change my life, not the prison, or the time inside or the confusion, but the reason why I didn't shoot those two, my heart wasn't into it but I thought it was. I thought because of this death and that death of my family and close friends and the other things I saw my step dad do as a child, like shoot Nico on 148th Street, and the things I saw and was exposed to in my mothers bar were enough to pull but it wasn't because I had never bought into it fully in my heart, that wasn't who I was and thats why I'm here today.
            There is a scene in the movie "Scarface" when Tony tells Sosa that he never fucked nobody over that didn't have it coming to them. I could say that for the victim Vella but I can't.  He was involved at some level but he didn't deserve the things that happened to him that afternoon. Unlike myself, he didn't learn. After our situation he got involved in a different robbery and this time they gave him a beating. I saw him last in 93' in Boulder when I was trying to cop some coke in some bar. I apologized, and he accepted but he was mess, don't get me wrong, I was fucked up, but he was gone. I always thought about him after that. So when I found him on Facebook last year and tried to reconnect, he didn't respond.
             I don't want to break his balls I just want to let him know that I'm sorry. I paid my debt to society, to myself and now I just wanted to let him know, the bigger the man, the bigger the mistake. I hope you guys don't read me wrong, as a comedian, I had to give this light. It was killing me inside and confronting it made me a better man. The events that led up to that and how I was never going to get myself in a situation like that again were the emphasis of the lesson. I never knew I was still going to be learning from it 24 years later. Sometimes something bad is something good, you just have to wait and watch it unravel, thats the only reason why I mention it!
           Thank you for reading and for all your support. I'll be at The Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego this weekend 2 shows per night @ 8pm and 10pm call 619 702 6666 for reservations. I'll also be taping a CD @ The Brea Improv on Tuesday December 6th @ 8PM 714 482 0700 come on down.
          I hope you guys have a safe and great holiday! Much Love but most importantly......STAY BLACK!

Monday, November 7, 2011


                     What's happening beautiful people? Another fun filled week is upon us. I'm happy I'm not that busy this morning so I could write and fullfill one of my weekly obligations. Can you believe Thanksgiving is in two weeks? Between you and me, I'm excited! Fuck it Turkey and reefer, who's better than you.
                   I was telling you last week that November has always been my month of knowledge. The biggest lessons that I've learned have come from this month in the weirdest ways, kind of in a karmatic sense. Lessons that have always made me stop and think about what is really out there. Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and right before a person dies he'll tell you his or her dying wish or in a sense, a meaning of life as they see it in their final moments on the planet. In the real world, its that DMT going to work and I appreciate that, but I had those experiences happen to me, in a different way.
                   Marylin Martinez was a dear friend and a great comedian. She wasn't known and didn't have her own TV show but she was very funny when she got on a roll. I met her in 95' at The Laugh Factory, but we tightened our relationship at The Comedy Store. I was great friends with her husband also. We spent holidays together and we'd be on the phone busting each others balls in the day time.
                  Marylin was diagnosed with Cancer in March of 2007'. They put her in the hospital and she went in and out of there until she died on November 3rd of that year. I went to the hospital a few times but when she went home I visited more because I felt more comftable there. I'm not crazy about hospitals is the reason. One day we're chatting about this and that. I could see the death in her eyes in hindsight. It was a few months before she passed, she's telling me that if she were to beat the cancer and get on stage again that she would never work dirty, with that she turned her attention to me, looked me in the eyes and told me to please stop doing cocaine. That I had a lot of things going for me and that I should stop so I wouldn't end like her. I could feel the goosebumps when the words came out. I was stunned, she knew all my intimate secrets. She would hold the powder for me when I first started dating my wife Terrie. Marylin knew how bad my habit really was and in all those years she never mentioned it. Here she was not really on her deathbed but she had one foot in a grave and the other on a banana peel, if you catch my drift and she's telling me to stop.
                 I stayed a while, kissed her and left. I saw her a few times after that and she never mentioned it but believe me, because of my past and how I was raised, I knew right there at that moment that I had to stop but I didn't. It was about 4 months later that I quit, the week she died. If thats not a message, I don't know what is. Today I miss her dearly and she is someone I pray for and to on a daily basis. Happy 4th Anniversary in HEAVEN Cocksucker!!! Thank you for what you did. I have to wipe my face now and get it together.
               Thank you for reading. If you ever get a message, follow it to a T! Its coming from a different level! Much Love but most importantly.....Stay Black!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


                                What's happening beautiful people? I'm back! Midweek like a motherfucker but what can you do? Like I said I'm trying to write a couple of blogs per week because I'm having a hard time writing comedy so if your stuck remember, if you want the water to flow, you have to open up the faucet, so here I am.
                                 November has always been a fucked up month for me because its the month that changed my life in so many ways. My mother passed in November, so did a good friend named, Marilyn Martinez. I commited my biggest blunder of my life in 88' when I kidnapped Vella in November and I also stopped doing coke after 30 years of action in November, you catch my drift? Good and bad has happened. All of it came with a lesson so I wonder what lesson I'll learn this year.
                               Anyway out of respect for "Dias De los Muertos", I want to tell you guys a story about a friend of mine who passed about 11 years ago that I think about everyday of my life, his name was Darren Rago.
                               I met Darren when we were both in the 8th grade playing CYO basketball. I played for St.Michaels of Union City and he played for Our Lady of Libra in West New York. He was always sweet, loud and crazy, a hell of a combination. He was five foot two, what do you want to do! He would fight anybody. We both went to North Bergen high where we just became tighter as we got older. We both lived with pain at an early age. Darren's parents had split up and it really bothered him, I on the other hand had just lost a mother, I was confused and scared so it made for a perfect frienship, we watched each others back.
                          We hung with each other everyday but ran with different crews, it didn't matter because by the end of the night we would always end up together, in the city, or at someones apartment snorting up a storm talking about our dreams and the things we wanted from life. In reality, we were two kids on the wrong path but it didn't matter, we had each other if shit ever got crazy.
                         The other day while I was on the JRE podcast I spoke about my fear of blood and in the car on the way home I remembered a night when we were seniors in High school. It was the night of the senior awards, you know, best looking, best dancer, that shit. While most kids were preparing for the big night we were putting together dough to get a quarter ounce of coke, sell an eightball and snort the rest. There were four of us involved, Glen Conty, Fernie Basulto, Roger Holloway and myself.
                    We went into Harlem to get the quarter, from ther we went back to Jersey to meet a friend of ours Sabatino. His father owned a huge liquor store and Sabo would steal the extra set of keys and when the store closed, we'd be there ten minutes later getting are ammunition for the night. On that particular evening we decided on a few cases on Lowenbrau and a huge bottle of tequila, we were going for broke.
                I forget but we ended going to someones house to get the party started, then we were going to go by the High school, catch the award show and head to some after party at a bar somewhere. We got so fucked up that we missed the show. We ended up going to a bar in Union City on twenty second street. I can't remember the name of the place, what I do remember was that the bar was across the street from Rehman's Funeral home. At the time it also doubled as the County morgue and thats where I had to go to pick up my mom's body so walking into this joint gave me the creeps as it was. Not to mention years earlier I would come to this same bar to pick up THC Crystal, the designer drug of the time. What I'm trying to say is that this bar was the real deal.
               I get in there, order a drink, and I see Darren. He's fucked up and ask if I'm holding? I say yes, we go to the bathroom and do  a few bumps. On the way out he told me he could get me a few qualudes, I agreed, gave him some dough and now it was really on! We walk back into the crowd and I loose Darren. I go back to hanging with my friends and before you know it the lude hits and I'm gone. Its last call and a fight breaks out. It was two guys no worries, I forgot where I was within minutes, everybody was fighting, glasses are breaking, chairs are flying, its on!
               I remember throwing punches, I remember getting hit, I remember being on the floor, then I remember getting cornered by a guy holding me at bay with a broken Heineken bottle, thats when I woke up out of my haze. The guy is swinging this bottle at me and its coming close. I'm up against the wall with my back, his next swipe would definately cut me, then out of nowhere I see Darren come flying and he tackles the guy. We both get him down take the bottle from him and smack him around a little.
              We see the cop lights so we decide to get out the back way. As were walking out, we both look over at the bar and its packed with cash that the people left on the bar when they ran out. We took what we could then went outside. The cops had people in handcuffs and they were trying to get the story of what had happened? I had no idea.They told me to get the fuck home as I started to walk away my shoe was making a funny noise like it was wet, everytime I stepped it made a squishy sound. I hobble to the car as I'm taking off the shoe I could see that my sock was red! The whole bottom of the sock was covered in blood. I looked at Darren and told him I was going to faint, he laughed and told me to do a bump that the coke would kill the faint. As I was going to take the coke out of my pocket I felt my legs going and that was that, I went down!
              Minutes later I woke up to Darren telling me it was going to be all right. As I was coming to, I noticed that Darren was doing a bump of my coke. I looked at him and asked him what he was doing? He said a bump, I ain't fainting like you. We both laughed, walked to the car and he drove me home in his car with no heat that we called the icebox and that was that.
               That is just one of our any stories which I will cherish for ever especially today. I look at Darren's picture every morning and think about the great times we had. He's been gone for 12 years now but he'll never be dead to me because in a way he lives in my heart. Thats how I feel about everyone who has passed and was there for me in one way or another. My day is always better because I know there with me looking over me, I know it sounds stupid but its my inspiration everyday.
               Sit and think about someone who was special to you and is gone now. Today is there day. Light a candle, say a prayer and smile, there right next to you! Thank you reading and have a great week.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


                           Greetings cocksuckers! Booooo! Yeah good its Halloween. If your over 15 and you give a fuck or are thinking of a costume, go shoot yourself. Halloween ended for me when the put a ceiling on my trick or treating income. I remember trick or treating and getting dollar bills. Then it got down to quarters then to pennies and some candy, fuck it, I had better things to do. Then as I got older I would dress up from time to time but it was basically to case a joint for dogs and valuables.
                        I sit here everyday and read about mortgages and prices and no jobs and no this and no that and you think about it and all that is true but one of the few things they don't mention that we lost in this Country was our ability to hustle. What happen to the hustle? I remember being a kid and seeing guys not much older than me hanging on a corner in the day time laughing and telling stories. I would come over and say hello and listen and try to understand what they were talking about. I would ask them if they worked and they would answer, yes but we mostly hustle?
                       So I wanted to grow up and hustle. But little did I know I was doing it already. When I was about 7 years old I was living in Manhatan on 88th Street. It was the upper West side and even then in the early seventies it was a fu-fu type neighborhood. My Mom lived there because we were living by ourselves and my mom dealt in cash and the building had security plus its what she wanted for me in a way. She also wanted me to be street smart so on the weekends she'd send me to my godmothers on 148th Street and Broadway. It was a rougher state of mind and it taught me how the other half lived. I had kids I played with on 88th Street but they were nothing like the kids on 148th Street. The kids on 88th Street came out early and played. The kids on 148th street, made money first, then played.
                      We picked up bottles and brought them back for a nickel a piece. We stole newspapers out of the macines and sell the papers half price at the train stations. We made deals with landlords to sweep and take the garbage out of the buildings. Later on I figured out a way to make money off a glue junkie by buying the glue by the box and selling it to Sticky Charlie for a quarter over cost, that was me at 10.
                      My mom even at that early age made me work at her bar. From sweeping to loading the ice machines, to cleaning the bathrooms, from the urinals to that little metal box in the stalls in the womans bathroom, I did it all. My mom did that not because we needed the money but because she was showing me a good work ethic. She would inspect everything and make me do it over from scratch.
                      When the bar closed in 78, I was 15 so I was left without a hustle. Did I sit and cry? Fuck No! My older friends would drive to Pennsylvania on the weekends to pick up acid and other goodies from these scientist that went to a college up there. I caught wind of what they were doing and I wanted in. I would get microdot acid for 90$ for 100 hits and sell them for 3 dollars. I'd buy black beauties for 1000 for 35$ and sell them for a dollar a piece or 35$ for a 100. Yes I was selling drugs but I was learning something more valuable than any class in school could teach me......Belly to belly sales, one of the most important things I ever did. Why? Because it prepared me for life. I could always make a living!
                      That wasn't just my attitude but everyone around me. I get up early and I have been for years even when I was doing blow because I've always known that the early bird gets the worm, not just that but it gives me a step up to what other people aren't doing. In this type of economy you have to do what the other guy isn't doing. So you put your resume on some web page, guess what? So did everybody else thats not working. Go down there. Get up, shine your shoes, make them a deal, you'll work for free something but its better than sitting there. I've said it for years, nothing happens in your living room.
                     I'm a comedian, but from time to time I get lucky and I book a film or something. When I first got here, all those films I was in from "Analyze That" to "The Longest Yard", I got because I hustled. They didn't want to see me, who the fuck was I?  So I got a script read it and picked a scene and put it on tape. While my agent was at home figuring a bright idea to get me in there. I took matters into my own hands and did it. Where did I learn that? From my days as a hustler because thats what hustling is, like Nike' said.........just do it!!!! As a Country we have forgotten that.
                 I don't want to sound like Johnny Patriot here because I'm not. I'm a convicted felon and I have made mistakes like all of us, but this Country is in trouble and guess what? None of these mo-mo's can save us. They come along every 4 years with the same story and what? Nothing happens, we end up in a worst place than what we started. That why I dont and have never really followed politics, first off I'm from Hudson County and I saw corruption first hand and second in the hour you spend talking about it you can be doing constructive for yourself, why give them the spotlight.
                  Listen Occupy Wall Street and all the other grassroots movements that are going to pop up are great for the people because it brings awareness and it shines a light on our situation in this Country. The real change is going to happen when we claim responsiblity for ourselves and really analyze what is our next move. If you haven't worked in a year I understand your pain. I understand that you've been a                for years. I understand you went to school for years but its time to think outside the box. Start a different career, something you've never done before but you always wanted to try. Its hard but its harder sitting there. Always remember this.... McDonalds is always hiring but its our pride. Thats why my mom made me clean those bathrooms and that little metal box in the womans stall, as a reminder that your never to good!

                 Have a great week(Whats left) and a safe Halloween and remember the most important thing...............Stay Black!!!!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011


                  Hello beautiful people. I told you I'd be back and here I is Bitches! Anyway its Saturday and I'm in the mood to drop some knowledge. Sometimes you get stoned, you sit around and you start to think about a certain situation. My wife is out, so I can't give her an earbeating and the cats are napping and they usually don't care for my stoner babble so here you are.
               Believe it or not for the last few weeks, I've been getting shit about my behavior in the mornings. Some people will say little comments on Twitter or leave me messages on Facebook about why I'm so alive in the morning. Some people ask if doing Coke is the answer? In all my years of doing coke I realized doing it early would ruin your day. Why do people think that you have to be on something to start your day right. It bothers me sometimes when people say there in a bad mood till they get there coffee, how about a smack in the mouth? Coffee? Really?
               Say what you want about the manner in which I was raised in but one thing my mother did instill in me was the beauty the morning has to offer. My mother would always wake up early no matter what time she had come in the previous night of working at her bar. She would open up with a little Cuban coffee, then she'd turn on her music. It could be Cuban music or The Doors or James Brown, always something to get the party started. Then she'd open the door and let fresh air in and then she'd yell, Coco Diaz....Come on Down! Just like in the Price is Right. I'd come down with my fucked up football pajamas on and she'd hug me and say good morning. Then she give me some juice and she'd tell me to thank the Sun for its light and for giving me another day to live.
         I would look at her and think she was crazy. But thats how she started her day. After she passed. I didn't do that again. I was never in the position too. I remember when I was hustling for a living. I kind of did the same things just in a different way. I'd get up shower and there was no coffee. I'd wake up with enough for breakfast and sometimes I didn't have that, I'd have to put it on the arm. Then I'd go on my merry day to bring darkness into someones life. Why wouldn't I be? I was starting my day in a dark place.Then when I got to Colorado. It was always a beautiful morning. The Mountains, the sun, the skies but I realized it was just decoration. Your morning has to be beautiful on your clock. How do you make that happen? Don't rush your mornings. Trust me I did it for years and it sucks. I didn't do it because I wanted too, I would be fucked up from the night before and who wakes up feeling good after that. Its OK to do but during the week, you need you!
         When I wake up in the morning. I'm so happy. Even when I was living in hell, I felt that way. Why? I know what it is not to wake up. There can be an earthquake, or a bomb could drop or your heart could just stop, things like this have happened before. I think of the people who aren't waking up. By the time my feet hit that floor, I'm thanking God or whoever for waking me up then in my mind, its party time. I put on the coffee, put on some music, wash my monkey. When I get dressed. I kiss my wife and the cats and I'm ready. Everybody is good and my day begins. Some coffee, oatmeal, some vitamins, then its Miller Time!
          A few bong hits, some good music and its Madflavor! No matter what my day has in store I'm prepared. My head is right but most important, my heart is right. I get on line, fuck around, spread the love and walk my wife to the train, now the day is mine. How can I lose, I'm ready and sometimes, thats the most important things.
      I have no idea about what I'm talking about. I'm just in a way trying to defend myself because really, what are you so mad about in the morning? Your alive things will work out, the morning is when you make your plan. You can't control the things that happen through out the day but you control your wakeup, make it a fucking party!
      Thank you for taking the time and reading. I'm stoned so thank you for letting me write or my head would explode! By the way, "Private Reserve OG from NOCC is THE SHIT! Thats why I'm writing. Go down get some and tell them I sent you and get a free edible like the one I'm about to eat! Enjoy your evening! Much love, Stay Black and have a great week!

Friday, October 14, 2011


                           What's happening beautiful people? How the fuck have you been? I know I'm a piece of shit. I've fallen behind on my blog writing. Its not that I'm lazy its just that I'm trying to focus on my One Man Show and I'm also trying to put a book together, so its tough but between you and I, the blogs are my building blocks so I'm back and thats thats!
                           Its hard to believe but writing the one man show has taken me to some dark places and at times I get sad but what can you do. The other morning I was sitting in my office and I got caught looking at a collage a friend had made of a few pictures of my youth. One of those shots is myself and a bunch of guys hanging out at Carmine Balzanos house for a party. For a second I started to think about that particular day. It was the summer of 76' and I was thirteen. At the time my mom and step dad were still together. She owned a bar which she ran solo along with a numbers bank in the City and at the time my step dad was partners in a flower shop but he also ran a numbers bank in Jersey.
                       We would all wake up early. My mom would make breakfast and we'd talk about business or the Mets or some shit. She'd also tell me what I had to do that day and give me options. She'd say you could either go with me to the bar and work for a few hours and make some cash,then take a ride to the City for lunch and up to Harlem to check on the banks or you could stay home, vacuum, walk up the hill and pay the phone bill or some shit and figure out lunch and dinner on my own.
                        Then my step dad would come down and make me a similiar offer. He'd want me to take a ride to the City and pick up roses, destem them then go back to West New York and help out at the numbers bank or stay home and cut the grass or clean the garage or some shit. I'd tell them both that I would stay home and they would flip. What are you going to do all day? Stay home and shoot hoops? There's no one in your family over 6 feet! You have to do something with your life! You better have everything done by the time we get back!
                     As soon as they would leave I would go straight to the park to practice for a few hours. Then by lunch when it got hot I would do my errands. After a few hours I was ready for Carmines house. They had 4 boys, a basketball hoop and a built in pool. There mother would cook something for lunch it was great. My mom and step dad would come home at some point of the day unannounced to check on me and make sure I had done my work but besides that I was on my own all day. While I was thinking about it I became sad for a minute but why? They had givin me choices but I chose to be alone. Was it trust? Was my mom a bad mom?
                    While I was growing up my step dad made some rules but my mom really ran the show. She was very independent minded in a way. She wanted me to experience everything. The other day I was doing laundry and I thought to myself, how long have I been doing laundry for? Since I was 7! My mom taught me how to do all that shit at an early age. She would always tell me that some day I would be married and I'd have to help my wife, thirty five years later there I am doing laundry. My point, if there is one is that in a way my mother was preparing me for life. I've spoken about this before but it really hit home the other day. I was basically living like that since I was in the 6th grade. I would get home from school and there would be a note with cash. Either I could cook the steak, go out to eat or come to the bar and work. Somedays I took the cash and went to the 4 Star diner and got myself a BlT with a milkshake, like a Doctor! Somedays I would cook the steak and keep the cash and some days I'd walk up the hill work at the bar hit her for another 20 and forget about the one on the table, she was basically teaching me how to hustle on my terms! I think now that she did a great job!
                 We all have dark shit from our childhood that makes us think. Fuck it! What does it matter its the past and fuck it we're still here, so in reality, it wasn't that bad and most importantly, we got something out of it. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry. I'm going to get back on it so never fear....Uncle Joey's here!
                  Before I forget on Monday the Director of the documentary( Lee Syatt from Isreal) and myself are getting together to see what we shot and start putting it together. We have some work to do but think it should be out by mid-December. I'd like to take a minute to thank everyone for your support and donations. Without you guys it would not be possible. We're not going to tell you lies about big screen bullshit, this is for us, short and sweet and  funny and to the point and your going to love it! I'll keep you posted.
                As far as MadFlavorsWorld, we're not coming back till the documentary is released but we're coming back bigger and better. I'm looking for sponsors right now and getting everything set up so if you guys know of any up and coming businesses that need to get the word out, email me and we'll get something going.
              Besides that, all is well. The cats are good and healthy, the wife is an animal and I still love you guys. I'm doing the One Man show Wednesday at The IceHouse @ 8:30 if you want to hear some good stories come on down. Much love to you cocksuckers. Have a great weekend and STAY BLACK!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


                Whats happening beautiful people?  Its cloudy and dark here in Los Angeles but I'm home and most importantly, I'm alive! I'm tired from the trip and I walked into the mouth of the tiger. Today I have a million things plus the One Man Show tonight. Tomorrow I got a full slate, then Friday I go to Denver, its on!
              Last Thursday I left to go to Buffalo to do a show on Saturday, then Sunday I went home to North Bergen to shoot the documentary that WE put together as a family. It went great. For starters, its always great to go home. For years I've been telling people that when things get hectic in your life and your left there looking for answers the best thing to do is to go home to your family. The love and the confusion you get when you go home will put prespective into your life and help you answer the questions you have and help you get to the next chapter of your life. There is something about going home, the smells, the sounds, something that brings you back and shows you what your really about.
            When this project came to mind I had a vision of the shots and the locations I was going to use. When I got there it became about the people in my life. On the plane ride home I was thinking about how we didn't get alot of location shots but we got what I was made of and that was the purpose of the documentary. I didn't shoot Michael's Jewelers but I went looking for renmants of the hookers wig at the cemetary. At first it was going to be about all the bad and stupid things I had done but when I got there I saw the beauty of the area where I had grown up which I really hadn't seen in years. North Bergen is the second hilliest city in the nation behind San Francisco it was hard as a kid, but those hills made me who I am today because you would look at those monsters, take a breath and walk, those hils made me tough and in a way prepared me for life because we're always downhill looking up.
      But the beauty of it wasn't the hills it was the people who encouraged me to go up those hills who I showed.  I've got my 7th grade teacher Barone, I got the guy who's been selling me flowers for my moms grave for years. I got my main man Lubes. I got Hashway's, the deli I grew up in. I left mad because Gary had no roast beef, thats like McDonalds not having burgers. I got Vanieri the undertaker, but the money shot was sitting down talking to Carmine Balzano, he cried, I cried, it was amazing.
       When I got on the plane home I thought ny head was going to explode from the interviews. I can't believe these people are still in my life. For me thats bigger than anything. After all the dumb things I did I can't believe there always be there for me. I feel like a wealthy man, its hard to explain.
     But one of the most important things I realized was how lucky I was to have you guys now and the belief you put in me by donating and sending me love, that meant a lot. I may not be Kat Williams or the funniest guy out there but having them back in North Bergen and you here lets me know that my life is for real. Things happened and so what you move ahead but as long as your intentions are good things will work out.
  Doing this also gave me a sense of closure. Going to 148th Street, where my step Dad shot Nico, standing in front of my mom's bar and looking at the concrete that I would walk around on 40 years ago, standing in front of the house where I found my mom dead, the house I grew up in, I could feel the energy coming out of the bricks, it wasn't good but while I was interviewing a neighbor a stray cat just walked up and sat in front of my old garage, a sign from somebody.
  What I'm trying to say is that it was an amazing experience and you guys made it happen. We won't start working on it till next week, and we predict an early Decenber release with viewing parties in L.A. and North Bergen New Jersey. I'll keep everyone posted especially the investors. Thank you for reading and for being a part of my dream. I still don't know what it is but I'm putting that together. Thank you again and Have a Great week......Stay Black!

P.S. MadflavorsWorld has 2 episodes left, then we wait for next season!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011


                       Whats happening beautiful people? Everything is great here. I'm getting ready to head up to Buffalo with my man Ari Shaffir and to be honest with you, I'm excited as hell. In the late 80's I would go to Buffalo twice a year to party and eat and go to a Bills game.. This was way before I got into comedy. One time I went up there to watch Rick James perform and it was fucking amazing. There were drugs and freaks everywhere, who would of thought it. I always thought Buffalo was this sleepy town five hours from the City but they got there own shit going on up there.
                        WeightWatchers does not excist in Buffalo. The food there is fucking faboulous, if you smoke dope and love to feed the munchies, this is the place. The first thing I'm going to eat is a Beef on Wick, then some Perogies from the Polish section, then some real wings not these skinny motherfuckers they have here. Buffalo Chicken wings have been on steroids from day one and I don't give a shit. The food is great and all but what makes Buffalo is the people.....there nuts! Just how I like them. I'm just going to go off, plain and simple.
                     The other part of this trip is in North Bergen New Jersey. I'm going to start shooting the documentary this Sunday, and its all because of you guys. What you guys did for me with the donations and the well wishes means more to me than any big movie role. I get to expose where I came from and what made and formed the crazy man that I am Today.
                     My mother was an off the chain motherfucker! My last name is Diaz because of my father but my true balls came from my mom who is a Valdez. She was a bar owner but her real business was the numbers business. A form of lottery thats based off the last 3 numbers of the amount that the track takes in for that day. Its a cash business and my mom believed that when ever she had a good day she would take her earnings and give half of it away because the good luck would spread, its a stupid superstition but I believe in it and thats what you guys did when you sent your donations and your love, it was an energy that I can't explain and its making me conscious of giving you guys something to be proud of, you helped put something together that had nothing to do with you and for that good things will come around to all of you for everything that you guys have done for me...Thank you from the bottom of my heart for beliving in me.
                 Have a great weekend and MadflavorsWorld will be back Monday plus we'll be putting up crazy footage as we go along so get ready to rock! Stay Black!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


             Whats happening beautiful people? I hope everone had a great weekend and now your ready to go back to work in more ways than one. I am!  This is the last quarter so if your going to make it happen, its in the next 10 weeks because if you don't, its 2012 and there the fuck you are!                
              You know me, I'm always trying to figure out ways to let you peek into my soul. My good friend Lisa recommended that instead of playing a music video, to write and describe how that song or album motivated or inspired me. I thought about it and bam, here we are......I hope you enjoy it!
              It was September of 79'. I was walking back from a High School football game at Hudson County Park. The previous day, I had been released from the Hospital after13 days. I had aquired a lung infection from smoking reefer sprayed with Paraquat. The basically threw me out because of the torture I was inflicting on them not only that but the internal bleeding had stopped and it was time to go home.
            On that particular afternoon, I was looking to buy a new Sabbath album to add to my collection. I had already purchased, Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, and Paraniod and now I was looking to buy Master Of Reality, that was the order in which they were released and that's how I was rolling.. The place was on 78th and Bergenline and it always had what I was looking for, on that particular day, they didn't. I looked at other albums but it was in between Sabbath's greatest hits, We Sold our Souls for Rock and Roll or Sabotage. I had never heard of any of the songs on the album but the cover was cool so what the hell.
          I got home and did my ritual. I would roll a number, and smoke it in the attic,  then put on the album and read the cover and the sleeve and just get into what the fuck it was that they were selling. I loved both albums that I had heard before but this one was a little deep. I listened to both sides and it was just too dark for me. I put the album away and never mentioned it. I was embarressed. I figured I was too young, I was 15 at the time and I figured I'd get into it later.
        About 2 months later my mom passed away and my life was turned upside down. I was fine, I was taken care of but in reality, I was alone. I was living with a great family but I was in a tailspin! I was confused and I was scared. At the time of my moms death, I had fucked around with drugs, a little reefer, THC Crystal, some acid and some coke. At the time acid was my favorite. I enjoyed the high but what I really enjoyed was that when ever I did it at the end of the night I would get to go home put on earphones and listen to the music and just fucking trip.
      One night I was sitting there looking for something to put on and there it was Sabotage! I put on the first side and it was magic! I tripped to some freaky shit but these guys knew what I was going through at the time. The first song on the album is, "Hole in the Sky"! Its a hard jam up front and the lyrics were me, I'm living in a room without any view, I'm living free because the rents never do. I didn't pay any rent and neither did Ozzy....Fuck it! It started the trip in the right direction then it goes on to a instrumental called,"Don't Stop", a Spanish guitar type 45 second jam that intros you into "Sympton of The Universe"! Bang! Oh my God! The guitar is hard and off the chain, the bass and the drums are banging and Ozzy is yelling out, Take my hand my child of love come step inside my tears swim the magic ocean I've been crying all these years! By this time the heat from the acid along with the bass are banging in your head and their you are sitting there looking around thinking about your life and these things and places that are going through your head at records speeds not to forget the light in the hallway that changes shapes as your brought back to another latin type verse after an explosion of drums and what not and Ozzy goes into a slow verse that you can't believe is even Ozzy! Woman child of love creation, come and step inside my dream, in your eyes I see no sadness, you are all that loving means, fucking amazing. At the time, I was feeling real alone in my life. I didn't have a girl then the trip would turn in a direction that was happy, I would meet a woman, fall in love and everything would be all right I would finally have someone but before I could feel the warmth of the acid in my heart, the last song on that side comes on, its called, "Megolmania". This was the power of Ozzy and his music if you really listened, They weren't a feel good band, there music was solid but the lyrics were out of this world especially if you were tripping. That song opens up very creepy, then Ozzy comes in slow. I found myself inside the shadows of your dreams,then in a different verse he drops, my body echos through the dreams of my soul, is that is something that I could not control. By this point your on your knees looking like Denzel in Man on Fire when he's going through his drunk psychosis. I'm litterally unconsious and in a different world. All I could hear was the lyrics and how they pertained to me in my head in my trip and between you and I it did hit me,  I was angry and I just wanted to kill my step dad but the acid let me know it was going to be all right for now and for now I didn't have to strike at him or anyone one else but by that time Ozzy is yelling and screaming the second verse of the song which really hits your acid like a fucking train, here they are! Well I feel something taking me I don't know where its like a trip inside a separate mind, the ghost of tomorrow from my favorite dream is telling me to leave it all behind!!! This song is basically about getting someone or something out of your life. How could this poisen be the dream of my soul? Your sitting there feeling bad about the acid now or but you realize, he's talking about a woman because he says no more lies, I'll get by, I just have to get away from you now, now I'm free can't you see, that now instead I won't get laid by you now. He's telling the bitch she ain't fucking him no more not since Bruce Lee in The Chinese Connection has someone made that type of statement, I'm allowing you to leave, thats the same style of balls! The song ends and whatever was bothering you is now gone or the acid helped figure out your next move.
        To me pound for pound that side is one of the greatest sides in album history, up there with Zep 2 and the one side of Pink Floyds Animals. If you listen to it, you might not like Sabbath or the album Sabotage for that matter but believe it or not, the album was there for me at a time when I was young stupid and ready for anything..I wanted answers to why God would take a 15 year olds Mother. I didn't believe in God or in anything, I was very scary but this music gave me the truth or at least thats what it felt like. This album will always be special to me as many other albums, but this one helped my mind digest and understand tripping, but most important myself by pushing my mind into dark corners.
       I never understood people who wrote books on this matter and the people who would read  that shit! Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd brought tripping to the next level through their music, along with many other artist, these guys were true geniuses! Fuck those fake fucking authors and their theories, these guys felt it and released through there music but the funny thing is, you felt it! Try out Sabotage!
      Thank you again for reading and thank you again for the support and the donations for the documentary!The link is on this page. Hope to see you guys at The IceHouse Stage 2 for my One Man show on Wednesdays in September @ 8:30 PM Sharp! This Wednesday is free!
The link to MegolMania will be on the bottom.
Next week I'll release the names of my new partners! I love everything you guys do! Thank you! Don't forget

Friday, September 2, 2011


                                    Greetings! You filthy animals! I hope you all had a great week. Its Labor Day weekend and its all about you. I'd like to thank all the people who sent well wishes and donated money to the Documentary, we're going to make something special. The film will cover aspects of my life that made me who I am, from the drugs, the crimes, and the people and locations that inspired me in a fucked up way, I'm not leaving any stoned unturned.
                                    But there is a lot of filler that I can't show not because I don't want to but because its not there, one of those things is my relationship with my daughter which at this point, is non existance. My daughter Jackie was born in 1990 right after I got out of the Halfway house, I mean I got out on February 2nd, and she was born on the 3rd. From the start I loved her dearly, not enough to quit the bad things that I was doing, but I still loved her. Her mom and I seperated when she was 18 months old and things were never the same. From the start it was a nightmare. She moved in with a man and wouldn't let me see the kid. At the time, I was no angel but I was still her father. For years after that, we went back and forth. The only problem was that I am an animal, I didn't and wouldn't play the game. This court stuff was not what I was about. It got so bad that at one point I was planing on killing both of them. In my mind I was prepared to go to prison for life. I was going to write jokes for Jay Leno and live the rest of my life in a hole.
                              Then I decided I was just going to kill him because I had grown up without a mother and I knew what that felt like. I was making my plans, where to kill him and dump the body. I was going to shoot him and tie him up to a tree, then I was going to rub him down with peanut butter and let the bears and the mountain lions do the rest. But the day never came because one day while I was picking my daughter up from day care she mentioned that the guy would call me a spic whenever I called the house. That was enough!
                        With my daughter in the car I went down to where the guy worked and asked him if this was true? He told me that my daughter was a liar so I hit him hard a couple of times. The cops came and I got away with it but I didn't, my daughter had seen the whole thing. When I was a kid I saw my step dad blast a few people and I loved it. I remember getting back in the car after the incident and my little girl was crying, she couldn't handle what had happened. I felt good about hitting the fuck and sticking up for myself but I felt bad about my Princess.
                     I am not a genius, but I'm not stupid, this situation was going to escalate into something bad, I knew it. Eventually something was going to happen. I thought about my life and how I had grown up, did I want the same for her? Was she going to get exposed to the things that I had been exposed to?  What type of father was I really going to be? I loved her but thats enough in todays world. She had a family in place, something I didn't. I decided to move To Seattle to pursue comedy and give the situation some air, I would still keep in touch with her and visit from time to time and I hoped that things would get better and some day I could go back and be her father.....that day never came.
                 I kept in touch with her as much as I could. I'd go back to see her and I always got some story on how she was busy and she could only see me for a few hours and what not. The straw that broke the camels back was when she changed her last name, that killed me. My father died when I was 3 and my mom remarried. I never knew my father but I never changed his name out of respect to him even though he was dead, he was my father!
                I contacted her and she gave me some story about her mother changing it so when I contacted the mother she told me it was my daughter who wanted to change it. My ego couldn't take it so I told both of them to fuck off and that was that. For years I slept on floors, cars, I gave up a lot of things for Comedy but I also went without so I could be responsible and this is how I got treated? That was 8 years ago and we haven't spoken since.
              I sit here at times thinking about our reunion. What would she say? What would I tell her. This is what "Remember Me" is about. Its a One Man show written by me and Directed by Kate Alkarni. I'm going to put it up the whole month of September at The IceHouse Stage 2 on Wednesdays @ 8:30. The show dates are the 7th, 14th, 21st, and the 28th. The first one this Wednesday is FREE. Please come by it would mean the world to me! Thank you for reading and for all the love and support you guys have shown me in the last year. Also thank you for all the donations!
         Have a great holiday weekend! Most important................Stay Black!
The IceHouse Comedy Club 626 577 1894 call for details!!!                       

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


                             What's happening beautiful people? Thats it, the last weekend of the Summer is upon us. Before you know it we'll be out trick or treating and then soon after that you'll be at a table with your family eating a turkey, and you know the rest of the story. It's going by quick. It seemed that time was slower when we were kids and you were dying to get old now when you get older time flies and you want that clock to slow the fuck down.
                             I guess the most important thing for me now is to make everyday count. I need to do something to justify my existance.  For a long time I was stagnant as a Comedian, things happened for me but a lot of things didn't. At this time last year I was thinking about getting a day job and moving on with my life. I didn't know what to do, then I discovered you guys and that changed me. I was on Facebook and Twitter but I didn't really understand what it was about. I thought it was about a bunch of pale fucked up people who stayed in all day stuck to a computer screen waiting to lay judgement. What I found was a bunch crazy motherfuckers that were looking for an outlet to have a great time and thats where I came in.
                           I started to play music videos to sort out the animals and I found them. I twitted  and Facebooked fucked up texts that go through my stoned perverted mind on a daily basis and you guys took the ride. Then I took a gamble, I wanted to do a podcast where I could be me and open up about all the good and bad things that I did and the lessons that I took from them and you guys listened, learned and forgave, laughed and at times cried .
                       When I did Stand-Up Revolution with Gabriel Iglesias, they gave us gift baskets and one of those gifts was a Sony Bloggie. A cute little camera that fits in your pocket and believe it or not, makes pretty good videos. When it comes to technology I'm lost, period but I wanted to ride and out the energy on the thing. It was a gift and I wanted to do something special with it, so myself and my partner Lee started doing MadflavorWorld Videos an inside look at my day, and my life, no stand up just my day, and again you guys responded so I had an idea!
                       Why not go back to Jersey and take it to the next level? I can show you all the things I spoke about on the podcast and bring the situation to life. For example the location where we burned the hookers wig, my High School, the first home I burglarized, my mothers bar, the place where my step Dad shot Nico on 148th Street and Broadway, the same place where I would sell glue to sticky Charlie as a kid. I'll take you to Rapido Taxi in Union City, the place where the dirty Cuban cop got shot a thousand times and tell you the story about how Santeria came into play there. I'll take you to the house where I grew up,the same place where I found my mother dead on the floor . I'll show you the Jersey neighborhood I grew up in and the house where Mr.Softee lived from the Iceman Chronicles. I'm going to introduce you to the people that were there for me from Carmine "The Torch" Balzano to my main man Lubes, the same guy I went to the Pink Floyd concert with on acid......I'm am going to open my life to you guys!
                       What I need from you guys is this, its going to cost about five thousand dollars to shoot this. I'm going to put in most of the money from the Town Theatre show in Buffalo into the shoot but I'm still short. I need to get another Bloggie and some microphones and bring in another guy to shoot and to edit also the cost of travel and transportation and meals and what not. I know times are tough but I'm not looking for much. What I'll do in return is this, I'll put your name at the end of the video as a producer. Its not much but you'll be a part of something, but most importantly,  we'll be connected in some way or another and I'll thank you for the rest of my life.
                     A few dollars is it, if you can thats good, and if you can't I undersand. I'll love you the same. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I'm sorry if you get insulted by my proposition, but you guys brought me back so I figured I'd come to you guys first.. There is a Paypal account set up and there is a link on this page, just click and do your thing. Thank you again, and have a GREAT week! Much Love ALWAYS..........................Diaz!

Monday, August 22, 2011


                   Whats happening beatuful people? I know, I don't write enough but its tough and I need something to write about that moves me. If it doesn't move me it won't do shit for you because I want you to feel me, so my apologies. Besides I'm giving you MadfavorWorld videos in its place. There a lot of fun to shoot. My friend Lee does all the work really but thats another story.
                   Last week I shot a pilot called, "All Rise". Its a courtroom comedy. The star of the show is Cedric The Entertainer, obviously he is the judge. In between takes him and I got to talking about how we had met. It was 1994 at a Black club called, "Club Mix" on East Colfax in Denver, Colorado. There was a comedy show there on Sunday nights that had great comics but also a few open mikers, one of them being me. There were only a few non blacks that could pull it off and for some reason I was one of them. I was just starting out. I didn't have any jokes I just went up there, danced and goofed around with the audience and believe it or not they liked it. One night Cedric came in to do a spot. After my set he came up to me looked me in the eye and told me I was crazy. It didn't mean good or bad, thats how I took it.
                A few weeks after that night I was contacted by some lady who told me she needed a tape of my set to enter me in some contest. I had no where else to tape so I contacted the management at "Club Mix" and asked if I could tape a set there, they said yes, no worries. That Sunday I went down there with my friend Kashina and she taped me. The next day I went to her home to watch the tape, it was fucking horrible. I wanted to cry. I was stuck so I sent the tape and prayed for the best, I never heard shit. Weeks later there was a shooting and someone died and that was the end of "Club Mix"
               I had forgotten all about that story. When Cedric and I spoke he reminded me. I asked him what he saw in me that made me crazy back then, his reply was that I didn't give a shit. Even though the material wasn't funny at all, I was commited to it at the time, and to be green and to have that commitment on stage meant that I had belief and I would end up somewhere. He never forgot. When I first bumped into him at the Comedt Store years later, he immediately gave me a hug even though he didn't have to and to boot, he put me in his sketch show along with Louis CK, thats at least 10 years ago and here we were again.
           The moral is I didn't see it but I believed. It was easy because at the time I was down and Comedy was all I had. If you know anything about me when I got into this, I gave up everything, even myself. I slept in cars, people couches, bus stations and what not. I ate more Subway veggie and cheeses sandwiches than anyone I had ever met. My goal was to be funny. I had no illusions about being famous or being a millionaire, I knew if I worked hard enough my goal would be accomplished but the goal I never looked at was the character it built and the things it taught me about myself, things I could never dream of. Today I'm happy, because of  me, because I stuck it out through all the bullshit in life and the bullshit I created, it wasn't easy.
        If your stuck in your life and there is something YOU want to do, commit! Thats the first step. Look at it and figure out what you have to do to make it possible and it WILL happen, take the chance Columbus did! Thank you for reading and have a great week!

See you @ The San Jose Improv Thursday night @8PM!
Special Announcement on MadflavorsWorld later this week!