About Me

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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


                Whats happening beautiful people?  Its cloudy and dark here in Los Angeles but I'm home and most importantly, I'm alive! I'm tired from the trip and I walked into the mouth of the tiger. Today I have a million things plus the One Man Show tonight. Tomorrow I got a full slate, then Friday I go to Denver, its on!
              Last Thursday I left to go to Buffalo to do a show on Saturday, then Sunday I went home to North Bergen to shoot the documentary that WE put together as a family. It went great. For starters, its always great to go home. For years I've been telling people that when things get hectic in your life and your left there looking for answers the best thing to do is to go home to your family. The love and the confusion you get when you go home will put prespective into your life and help you answer the questions you have and help you get to the next chapter of your life. There is something about going home, the smells, the sounds, something that brings you back and shows you what your really about.
            When this project came to mind I had a vision of the shots and the locations I was going to use. When I got there it became about the people in my life. On the plane ride home I was thinking about how we didn't get alot of location shots but we got what I was made of and that was the purpose of the documentary. I didn't shoot Michael's Jewelers but I went looking for renmants of the hookers wig at the cemetary. At first it was going to be about all the bad and stupid things I had done but when I got there I saw the beauty of the area where I had grown up which I really hadn't seen in years. North Bergen is the second hilliest city in the nation behind San Francisco it was hard as a kid, but those hills made me who I am today because you would look at those monsters, take a breath and walk, those hils made me tough and in a way prepared me for life because we're always downhill looking up.
      But the beauty of it wasn't the hills it was the people who encouraged me to go up those hills who I showed.  I've got my 7th grade teacher Barone, I got the guy who's been selling me flowers for my moms grave for years. I got my main man Lubes. I got Hashway's, the deli I grew up in. I left mad because Gary had no roast beef, thats like McDonalds not having burgers. I got Vanieri the undertaker, but the money shot was sitting down talking to Carmine Balzano, he cried, I cried, it was amazing.
       When I got on the plane home I thought ny head was going to explode from the interviews. I can't believe these people are still in my life. For me thats bigger than anything. After all the dumb things I did I can't believe there always be there for me. I feel like a wealthy man, its hard to explain.
     But one of the most important things I realized was how lucky I was to have you guys now and the belief you put in me by donating and sending me love, that meant a lot. I may not be Kat Williams or the funniest guy out there but having them back in North Bergen and you here lets me know that my life is for real. Things happened and so what you move ahead but as long as your intentions are good things will work out.
  Doing this also gave me a sense of closure. Going to 148th Street, where my step Dad shot Nico, standing in front of my mom's bar and looking at the concrete that I would walk around on 40 years ago, standing in front of the house where I found my mom dead, the house I grew up in, I could feel the energy coming out of the bricks, it wasn't good but while I was interviewing a neighbor a stray cat just walked up and sat in front of my old garage, a sign from somebody.
  What I'm trying to say is that it was an amazing experience and you guys made it happen. We won't start working on it till next week, and we predict an early Decenber release with viewing parties in L.A. and North Bergen New Jersey. I'll keep everyone posted especially the investors. Thank you for reading and for being a part of my dream. I still don't know what it is but I'm putting that together. Thank you again and Have a Great week......Stay Black!

P.S. MadflavorsWorld has 2 episodes left, then we wait for next season!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011


                       Whats happening beautiful people? Everything is great here. I'm getting ready to head up to Buffalo with my man Ari Shaffir and to be honest with you, I'm excited as hell. In the late 80's I would go to Buffalo twice a year to party and eat and go to a Bills game.. This was way before I got into comedy. One time I went up there to watch Rick James perform and it was fucking amazing. There were drugs and freaks everywhere, who would of thought it. I always thought Buffalo was this sleepy town five hours from the City but they got there own shit going on up there.
                        WeightWatchers does not excist in Buffalo. The food there is fucking faboulous, if you smoke dope and love to feed the munchies, this is the place. The first thing I'm going to eat is a Beef on Wick, then some Perogies from the Polish section, then some real wings not these skinny motherfuckers they have here. Buffalo Chicken wings have been on steroids from day one and I don't give a shit. The food is great and all but what makes Buffalo is the people.....there nuts! Just how I like them. I'm just going to go off, plain and simple.
                     The other part of this trip is in North Bergen New Jersey. I'm going to start shooting the documentary this Sunday, and its all because of you guys. What you guys did for me with the donations and the well wishes means more to me than any big movie role. I get to expose where I came from and what made and formed the crazy man that I am Today.
                     My mother was an off the chain motherfucker! My last name is Diaz because of my father but my true balls came from my mom who is a Valdez. She was a bar owner but her real business was the numbers business. A form of lottery thats based off the last 3 numbers of the amount that the track takes in for that day. Its a cash business and my mom believed that when ever she had a good day she would take her earnings and give half of it away because the good luck would spread, its a stupid superstition but I believe in it and thats what you guys did when you sent your donations and your love, it was an energy that I can't explain and its making me conscious of giving you guys something to be proud of, you helped put something together that had nothing to do with you and for that good things will come around to all of you for everything that you guys have done for me...Thank you from the bottom of my heart for beliving in me.
                 Have a great weekend and MadflavorsWorld will be back Monday plus we'll be putting up crazy footage as we go along so get ready to rock! Stay Black!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


             Whats happening beautiful people? I hope everone had a great weekend and now your ready to go back to work in more ways than one. I am!  This is the last quarter so if your going to make it happen, its in the next 10 weeks because if you don't, its 2012 and there the fuck you are!                
              You know me, I'm always trying to figure out ways to let you peek into my soul. My good friend Lisa recommended that instead of playing a music video, to write and describe how that song or album motivated or inspired me. I thought about it and bam, here we are......I hope you enjoy it!
              It was September of 79'. I was walking back from a High School football game at Hudson County Park. The previous day, I had been released from the Hospital after13 days. I had aquired a lung infection from smoking reefer sprayed with Paraquat. The basically threw me out because of the torture I was inflicting on them not only that but the internal bleeding had stopped and it was time to go home.
            On that particular afternoon, I was looking to buy a new Sabbath album to add to my collection. I had already purchased, Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, and Paraniod and now I was looking to buy Master Of Reality, that was the order in which they were released and that's how I was rolling.. The place was on 78th and Bergenline and it always had what I was looking for, on that particular day, they didn't. I looked at other albums but it was in between Sabbath's greatest hits, We Sold our Souls for Rock and Roll or Sabotage. I had never heard of any of the songs on the album but the cover was cool so what the hell.
          I got home and did my ritual. I would roll a number, and smoke it in the attic,  then put on the album and read the cover and the sleeve and just get into what the fuck it was that they were selling. I loved both albums that I had heard before but this one was a little deep. I listened to both sides and it was just too dark for me. I put the album away and never mentioned it. I was embarressed. I figured I was too young, I was 15 at the time and I figured I'd get into it later.
        About 2 months later my mom passed away and my life was turned upside down. I was fine, I was taken care of but in reality, I was alone. I was living with a great family but I was in a tailspin! I was confused and I was scared. At the time of my moms death, I had fucked around with drugs, a little reefer, THC Crystal, some acid and some coke. At the time acid was my favorite. I enjoyed the high but what I really enjoyed was that when ever I did it at the end of the night I would get to go home put on earphones and listen to the music and just fucking trip.
      One night I was sitting there looking for something to put on and there it was Sabotage! I put on the first side and it was magic! I tripped to some freaky shit but these guys knew what I was going through at the time. The first song on the album is, "Hole in the Sky"! Its a hard jam up front and the lyrics were me, I'm living in a room without any view, I'm living free because the rents never do. I didn't pay any rent and neither did Ozzy....Fuck it! It started the trip in the right direction then it goes on to a instrumental called,"Don't Stop", a Spanish guitar type 45 second jam that intros you into "Sympton of The Universe"! Bang! Oh my God! The guitar is hard and off the chain, the bass and the drums are banging and Ozzy is yelling out, Take my hand my child of love come step inside my tears swim the magic ocean I've been crying all these years! By this time the heat from the acid along with the bass are banging in your head and their you are sitting there looking around thinking about your life and these things and places that are going through your head at records speeds not to forget the light in the hallway that changes shapes as your brought back to another latin type verse after an explosion of drums and what not and Ozzy goes into a slow verse that you can't believe is even Ozzy! Woman child of love creation, come and step inside my dream, in your eyes I see no sadness, you are all that loving means, fucking amazing. At the time, I was feeling real alone in my life. I didn't have a girl then the trip would turn in a direction that was happy, I would meet a woman, fall in love and everything would be all right I would finally have someone but before I could feel the warmth of the acid in my heart, the last song on that side comes on, its called, "Megolmania". This was the power of Ozzy and his music if you really listened, They weren't a feel good band, there music was solid but the lyrics were out of this world especially if you were tripping. That song opens up very creepy, then Ozzy comes in slow. I found myself inside the shadows of your dreams,then in a different verse he drops, my body echos through the dreams of my soul, is that is something that I could not control. By this point your on your knees looking like Denzel in Man on Fire when he's going through his drunk psychosis. I'm litterally unconsious and in a different world. All I could hear was the lyrics and how they pertained to me in my head in my trip and between you and I it did hit me,  I was angry and I just wanted to kill my step dad but the acid let me know it was going to be all right for now and for now I didn't have to strike at him or anyone one else but by that time Ozzy is yelling and screaming the second verse of the song which really hits your acid like a fucking train, here they are! Well I feel something taking me I don't know where its like a trip inside a separate mind, the ghost of tomorrow from my favorite dream is telling me to leave it all behind!!! This song is basically about getting someone or something out of your life. How could this poisen be the dream of my soul? Your sitting there feeling bad about the acid now or but you realize, he's talking about a woman because he says no more lies, I'll get by, I just have to get away from you now, now I'm free can't you see, that now instead I won't get laid by you now. He's telling the bitch she ain't fucking him no more not since Bruce Lee in The Chinese Connection has someone made that type of statement, I'm allowing you to leave, thats the same style of balls! The song ends and whatever was bothering you is now gone or the acid helped figure out your next move.
        To me pound for pound that side is one of the greatest sides in album history, up there with Zep 2 and the one side of Pink Floyds Animals. If you listen to it, you might not like Sabbath or the album Sabotage for that matter but believe it or not, the album was there for me at a time when I was young stupid and ready for anything..I wanted answers to why God would take a 15 year olds Mother. I didn't believe in God or in anything, I was very scary but this music gave me the truth or at least thats what it felt like. This album will always be special to me as many other albums, but this one helped my mind digest and understand tripping, but most important myself by pushing my mind into dark corners.
       I never understood people who wrote books on this matter and the people who would read  that shit! Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd brought tripping to the next level through their music, along with many other artist, these guys were true geniuses! Fuck those fake fucking authors and their theories, these guys felt it and released through there music but the funny thing is, you felt it! Try out Sabotage!
      Thank you again for reading and thank you again for the support and the donations for the documentary!The link is on this page. Hope to see you guys at The IceHouse Stage 2 for my One Man show on Wednesdays in September @ 8:30 PM Sharp! This Wednesday is free!
The link to MegolMania will be on the bottom.
Next week I'll release the names of my new partners! I love everything you guys do! Thank you! Don't forget

Friday, September 2, 2011


                                    Greetings! You filthy animals! I hope you all had a great week. Its Labor Day weekend and its all about you. I'd like to thank all the people who sent well wishes and donated money to the Documentary, we're going to make something special. The film will cover aspects of my life that made me who I am, from the drugs, the crimes, and the people and locations that inspired me in a fucked up way, I'm not leaving any stoned unturned.
                                    But there is a lot of filler that I can't show not because I don't want to but because its not there, one of those things is my relationship with my daughter which at this point, is non existance. My daughter Jackie was born in 1990 right after I got out of the Halfway house, I mean I got out on February 2nd, and she was born on the 3rd. From the start I loved her dearly, not enough to quit the bad things that I was doing, but I still loved her. Her mom and I seperated when she was 18 months old and things were never the same. From the start it was a nightmare. She moved in with a man and wouldn't let me see the kid. At the time, I was no angel but I was still her father. For years after that, we went back and forth. The only problem was that I am an animal, I didn't and wouldn't play the game. This court stuff was not what I was about. It got so bad that at one point I was planing on killing both of them. In my mind I was prepared to go to prison for life. I was going to write jokes for Jay Leno and live the rest of my life in a hole.
                              Then I decided I was just going to kill him because I had grown up without a mother and I knew what that felt like. I was making my plans, where to kill him and dump the body. I was going to shoot him and tie him up to a tree, then I was going to rub him down with peanut butter and let the bears and the mountain lions do the rest. But the day never came because one day while I was picking my daughter up from day care she mentioned that the guy would call me a spic whenever I called the house. That was enough!
                        With my daughter in the car I went down to where the guy worked and asked him if this was true? He told me that my daughter was a liar so I hit him hard a couple of times. The cops came and I got away with it but I didn't, my daughter had seen the whole thing. When I was a kid I saw my step dad blast a few people and I loved it. I remember getting back in the car after the incident and my little girl was crying, she couldn't handle what had happened. I felt good about hitting the fuck and sticking up for myself but I felt bad about my Princess.
                     I am not a genius, but I'm not stupid, this situation was going to escalate into something bad, I knew it. Eventually something was going to happen. I thought about my life and how I had grown up, did I want the same for her? Was she going to get exposed to the things that I had been exposed to?  What type of father was I really going to be? I loved her but thats enough in todays world. She had a family in place, something I didn't. I decided to move To Seattle to pursue comedy and give the situation some air, I would still keep in touch with her and visit from time to time and I hoped that things would get better and some day I could go back and be her father.....that day never came.
                 I kept in touch with her as much as I could. I'd go back to see her and I always got some story on how she was busy and she could only see me for a few hours and what not. The straw that broke the camels back was when she changed her last name, that killed me. My father died when I was 3 and my mom remarried. I never knew my father but I never changed his name out of respect to him even though he was dead, he was my father!
                I contacted her and she gave me some story about her mother changing it so when I contacted the mother she told me it was my daughter who wanted to change it. My ego couldn't take it so I told both of them to fuck off and that was that. For years I slept on floors, cars, I gave up a lot of things for Comedy but I also went without so I could be responsible and this is how I got treated? That was 8 years ago and we haven't spoken since.
              I sit here at times thinking about our reunion. What would she say? What would I tell her. This is what "Remember Me" is about. Its a One Man show written by me and Directed by Kate Alkarni. I'm going to put it up the whole month of September at The IceHouse Stage 2 on Wednesdays @ 8:30. The show dates are the 7th, 14th, 21st, and the 28th. The first one this Wednesday is FREE. Please come by it would mean the world to me! Thank you for reading and for all the love and support you guys have shown me in the last year. Also thank you for all the donations!
         Have a great holiday weekend! Most important................Stay Black!
The IceHouse Comedy Club 626 577 1894 call for details!!!