About Me

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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


                                              Whats happening beautiful people? That's it, the last weekend of the Summer is upon us, I hope you enjoyed it because if its up to the Mayans it will be our last one. I never really got caught up in all that shit, its over when its over, what are you going to do? You get up every morning with a smile on your face because it could be your last and you give it everything you got, thats it, fuck the Mayans, religion and whatever else they're trying to sell you.
                                              I was having breakfast with my Uncle a few weeks back and in the middle of a conversation he interupted and told me he was proud of me. He told me that more than anyone, he knew where I came from and what I had gone through and he told me that my Mother would have been proud. I took it as a compliment, considering that this was the same Uncle I tried to rob in 84" and to be honest with you, he's a Valdez from my Mothers side, those motherfuckers never say a nice word about anybody, so I found it amusing.
                                            He asked me what was it that made me change, I told him that I had just gotten sick of living that crazy life so I calmed down but on the drive home I thought about the defining moment that changed my life forever. It wasn't prison or getting beat up or sleeping in my car for a few months that made me change, it was one thing.....claiming responsibility!
                                             As a young child I was spoiled by my Mother, I had a step father that I love and respected, our relationship was great until about the age of 11, then something changed, I never did anything, that was me. Who broke the glass? Who took the change? Who broke the window in the basement? Not me! Weren't you in the basement throwing a ball with your friends? No I wasn't. I never did anything and it killed my step father. He would tell my Mother that the quality would affect later in life but her and I didn't listen and one day he left.
                                           A couple of years later my Mom passed, and I had to shit or get off the pot, there was no time for playing games. I became a man quickly, I was thrown to the wolves and I had responded or so I thought. I was a troubled kid but hey, I was out there solo, eventually I would figure it out. I did great for the circumstances but I couldn't grow as a man, I tried but something was missing.  In 87' I got arrested and before my sentencing they made an appointment with a probation officer that makes evaluations for the court, she said in the transcripts that I would never get in trouble again but after all the interviews that they had conducted that I had not claimed responsibilty for my actions, I thought they wanted me to snitch, if that's what it meant then fuck them.
                                         Once I got inside I asked my councelor, what that meant not claiming responsibilty and he took his glasses off and took a long pause and said that I had been chucking and jiving for years, it was my turn to come to my reality of what I wanted to do. He told me I didn't belong there but I would stay there till I realized what I had done. I thanked him and thought long and hard and I understood what he meant. For years I fucked around on other peoples dime, not that I was a mooch but I'd live on peoples couches but snort blow every night, and then be short on the rent. My friends never cared they loved me for who I was but I was fucking myself.
                                          Eventually one day I said if something goes wrong, its me. Not the guy that didn't pick me up. or the guy who lied about the job, or the alarm not going off, there was always an excuse, when you're a man, theres never an excuse its always on you. I do stand up with comics and when they bomb they blame the people,the number of people, the sound system, the economy, the air conditioning, the comic before them, the Kennedy assasination, the Mars landing.......Get it together, maybe its you, or me, as a matter of fact, I blame me for everything so theres no misunderstandings .If something goes wrong its either something with you or something you let happen, its you!!!!
                                         So if you're stuck in your life and you don't know your next move because of this or that, its not this or that its your fault, take responsibilty, accept it and move on. My step Father Juan would say, kids don't accept responsibility, men do. I didn't become a man till I was 38 years of old but I'm happy I finally did.
                                        Don't forget "Testicle Testaments" at The IceHouse Stage 2 Wednesday night @ 8:30 pm and don't forget Testicle Testament: Crime Stories will be released Friday the 31st on iTunes also, thank you for the support. I also have some NEW dates and T-shirts posted on my Website at WWW.Joeycocodiaz.net
                                            Thank you again for laughing at my stupid jokes and for the love you guys give me.....Have a great week and.....STAY BLACK!

August 29th IceHouse Stage 2 8:30pm 626 577 1894
August 30th Fiamma Italian Restaurant Thousand Oaks 9PM
September 13th-16th Rick Bronsons MINN 952 858 8558
September 20th Madison Wis With Duncan Trusselhttp://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/266991
September 21st Milwaukee Wis With Duncan Trusselhttp://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/267033
September 27th-29th Baltimore Comedy Factory
October 4th Houston Improv
October 5th Dallas Improv
November 1st-4th Ontario Improv
November 8th Chicago HOB
November 15th 17th Scottsdale Arizona
September 21st Milwaukee Wis With Duncan

Monday, August 6, 2012


                          How are you beautiful people? You thought I forgot about you guys but I didn't. I'm getting ready to do a thousand things but today I had dick, so I figured I'd drop a little line on you to tell you whats been going on.
                          As you guys know, I do a podcast with Felicia Michaels called, "Beauty and Da Beast". Its basically her and I talking shit and sometimes we bring in a guest to ruffle up the feathers a little bit. When we started the show, it really didn't have a theme but it soon took on a life of its own and it became a podcast about second chances since we both had very strange lives. Since we're not the traditional types, the guest we attract are the same, crazy motherfuckers with interesting lives.
                           We all have interesting lives because from time to time we struggle with life or our personal demons, how we overcome them and continue to live gives us that second chance. What many people don't know about me is that I was married and had a child after I got out of prison and before I got into comedy. After a while my true colors started to show and like everything else in my life at the time, the marriage fell apart. It was fine, we had both made a mistake but their was a child involved. I made a simple deal with her because I wanted to stay in the childs life. After a few months, she got a boyfriend, I started fucking around and before you knew it we had a situation.
                         The drama escalated and I ended smacking the guy, she took me to court but in the end the only one who suffered was my little girl in the car that day that witnessed the whole thing at the age of 4. I noticed her crying and it hit me, I had seen this type of behavior as a child and between you and I it didn't do a fucking thing for me. Between that situations and many others I decided that for everyones sake I would move to Seattle for a while to give the situation air before it got worst.
                       I would visit every few months but after a while I started to lose her, between me being away and whatever the Mother was telling her, it was starting to show, now I have nothing because we haven't spoken in years.
                    Now thats a great story and all, and I had a great time smacking the guy and acting like a fucking fool but the truth was.....I failed as a Father, period. For years it was my own little secret, but once I came to terms with that, it made my life a lot easier. The pain always remained though, what that meant was that no matter what, I never wanted kids again. Its like having sleep apnea, you choke when you sleep why would you want to sleep?
                  I always thought that God had seen my actions and had taken me off the hook, my wife and I have been together for 12 years and we used birth control for a while but I thought with all the drugs, pills and reefer that my sperm count was dead, well did I get a big surprise a couple of weeks ago when she infomed me that I had knocked her up I almost died.
                 I can't lie to you guys, I've been in hell lately, not because of the child but because of me, can this happen again? Then I started thinking about all the other things I had failed at the first couple times, did I continue? My Father died when I was 3 and for years his friends told me that his last breath must have been hard because I had changed his whole world and he had stepped up. After thinking about that and beating myself up for weeks I came to a conclusion to be the best Father I could be and thats it and I also realized what just happened.....I got a second chance to at something that you only get one shot at.....Being a fucking man!
                Thank you for reading and for all the love and support you've givin me, I'll keep you guys posted! Much love and Stay Black because at the end of the week....Thats all that matters.

Don't forget to go to Joeycocodiaz.net and Beautyanddabeast.com for CD downloads, Documentary info, Club dates, tshirts, explosives. Gorilla Bisquits and more..........