About Me

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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


                           Greetings cocksuckers! Booooo! Yeah good its Halloween. If your over 15 and you give a fuck or are thinking of a costume, go shoot yourself. Halloween ended for me when the put a ceiling on my trick or treating income. I remember trick or treating and getting dollar bills. Then it got down to quarters then to pennies and some candy, fuck it, I had better things to do. Then as I got older I would dress up from time to time but it was basically to case a joint for dogs and valuables.
                        I sit here everyday and read about mortgages and prices and no jobs and no this and no that and you think about it and all that is true but one of the few things they don't mention that we lost in this Country was our ability to hustle. What happen to the hustle? I remember being a kid and seeing guys not much older than me hanging on a corner in the day time laughing and telling stories. I would come over and say hello and listen and try to understand what they were talking about. I would ask them if they worked and they would answer, yes but we mostly hustle?
                       So I wanted to grow up and hustle. But little did I know I was doing it already. When I was about 7 years old I was living in Manhatan on 88th Street. It was the upper West side and even then in the early seventies it was a fu-fu type neighborhood. My Mom lived there because we were living by ourselves and my mom dealt in cash and the building had security plus its what she wanted for me in a way. She also wanted me to be street smart so on the weekends she'd send me to my godmothers on 148th Street and Broadway. It was a rougher state of mind and it taught me how the other half lived. I had kids I played with on 88th Street but they were nothing like the kids on 148th Street. The kids on 88th Street came out early and played. The kids on 148th street, made money first, then played.
                      We picked up bottles and brought them back for a nickel a piece. We stole newspapers out of the macines and sell the papers half price at the train stations. We made deals with landlords to sweep and take the garbage out of the buildings. Later on I figured out a way to make money off a glue junkie by buying the glue by the box and selling it to Sticky Charlie for a quarter over cost, that was me at 10.
                      My mom even at that early age made me work at her bar. From sweeping to loading the ice machines, to cleaning the bathrooms, from the urinals to that little metal box in the stalls in the womans bathroom, I did it all. My mom did that not because we needed the money but because she was showing me a good work ethic. She would inspect everything and make me do it over from scratch.
                      When the bar closed in 78, I was 15 so I was left without a hustle. Did I sit and cry? Fuck No! My older friends would drive to Pennsylvania on the weekends to pick up acid and other goodies from these scientist that went to a college up there. I caught wind of what they were doing and I wanted in. I would get microdot acid for 90$ for 100 hits and sell them for 3 dollars. I'd buy black beauties for 1000 for 35$ and sell them for a dollar a piece or 35$ for a 100. Yes I was selling drugs but I was learning something more valuable than any class in school could teach me......Belly to belly sales, one of the most important things I ever did. Why? Because it prepared me for life. I could always make a living!
                      That wasn't just my attitude but everyone around me. I get up early and I have been for years even when I was doing blow because I've always known that the early bird gets the worm, not just that but it gives me a step up to what other people aren't doing. In this type of economy you have to do what the other guy isn't doing. So you put your resume on some web page, guess what? So did everybody else thats not working. Go down there. Get up, shine your shoes, make them a deal, you'll work for free something but its better than sitting there. I've said it for years, nothing happens in your living room.
                     I'm a comedian, but from time to time I get lucky and I book a film or something. When I first got here, all those films I was in from "Analyze That" to "The Longest Yard", I got because I hustled. They didn't want to see me, who the fuck was I?  So I got a script read it and picked a scene and put it on tape. While my agent was at home figuring a bright idea to get me in there. I took matters into my own hands and did it. Where did I learn that? From my days as a hustler because thats what hustling is, like Nike' said.........just do it!!!! As a Country we have forgotten that.
                 I don't want to sound like Johnny Patriot here because I'm not. I'm a convicted felon and I have made mistakes like all of us, but this Country is in trouble and guess what? None of these mo-mo's can save us. They come along every 4 years with the same story and what? Nothing happens, we end up in a worst place than what we started. That why I dont and have never really followed politics, first off I'm from Hudson County and I saw corruption first hand and second in the hour you spend talking about it you can be doing constructive for yourself, why give them the spotlight.
                  Listen Occupy Wall Street and all the other grassroots movements that are going to pop up are great for the people because it brings awareness and it shines a light on our situation in this Country. The real change is going to happen when we claim responsiblity for ourselves and really analyze what is our next move. If you haven't worked in a year I understand your pain. I understand that you've been a                for years. I understand you went to school for years but its time to think outside the box. Start a different career, something you've never done before but you always wanted to try. Its hard but its harder sitting there. Always remember this.... McDonalds is always hiring but its our pride. Thats why my mom made me clean those bathrooms and that little metal box in the womans stall, as a reminder that your never to good!

                 Have a great week(Whats left) and a safe Halloween and remember the most important thing...............Stay Black!!!!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011


                  Hello beautiful people. I told you I'd be back and here I is Bitches! Anyway its Saturday and I'm in the mood to drop some knowledge. Sometimes you get stoned, you sit around and you start to think about a certain situation. My wife is out, so I can't give her an earbeating and the cats are napping and they usually don't care for my stoner babble so here you are.
               Believe it or not for the last few weeks, I've been getting shit about my behavior in the mornings. Some people will say little comments on Twitter or leave me messages on Facebook about why I'm so alive in the morning. Some people ask if doing Coke is the answer? In all my years of doing coke I realized doing it early would ruin your day. Why do people think that you have to be on something to start your day right. It bothers me sometimes when people say there in a bad mood till they get there coffee, how about a smack in the mouth? Coffee? Really?
               Say what you want about the manner in which I was raised in but one thing my mother did instill in me was the beauty the morning has to offer. My mother would always wake up early no matter what time she had come in the previous night of working at her bar. She would open up with a little Cuban coffee, then she'd turn on her music. It could be Cuban music or The Doors or James Brown, always something to get the party started. Then she'd open the door and let fresh air in and then she'd yell, Coco Diaz....Come on Down! Just like in the Price is Right. I'd come down with my fucked up football pajamas on and she'd hug me and say good morning. Then she give me some juice and she'd tell me to thank the Sun for its light and for giving me another day to live.
         I would look at her and think she was crazy. But thats how she started her day. After she passed. I didn't do that again. I was never in the position too. I remember when I was hustling for a living. I kind of did the same things just in a different way. I'd get up shower and there was no coffee. I'd wake up with enough for breakfast and sometimes I didn't have that, I'd have to put it on the arm. Then I'd go on my merry day to bring darkness into someones life. Why wouldn't I be? I was starting my day in a dark place.Then when I got to Colorado. It was always a beautiful morning. The Mountains, the sun, the skies but I realized it was just decoration. Your morning has to be beautiful on your clock. How do you make that happen? Don't rush your mornings. Trust me I did it for years and it sucks. I didn't do it because I wanted too, I would be fucked up from the night before and who wakes up feeling good after that. Its OK to do but during the week, you need you!
         When I wake up in the morning. I'm so happy. Even when I was living in hell, I felt that way. Why? I know what it is not to wake up. There can be an earthquake, or a bomb could drop or your heart could just stop, things like this have happened before. I think of the people who aren't waking up. By the time my feet hit that floor, I'm thanking God or whoever for waking me up then in my mind, its party time. I put on the coffee, put on some music, wash my monkey. When I get dressed. I kiss my wife and the cats and I'm ready. Everybody is good and my day begins. Some coffee, oatmeal, some vitamins, then its Miller Time!
          A few bong hits, some good music and its Madflavor! No matter what my day has in store I'm prepared. My head is right but most important, my heart is right. I get on line, fuck around, spread the love and walk my wife to the train, now the day is mine. How can I lose, I'm ready and sometimes, thats the most important things.
      I have no idea about what I'm talking about. I'm just in a way trying to defend myself because really, what are you so mad about in the morning? Your alive things will work out, the morning is when you make your plan. You can't control the things that happen through out the day but you control your wakeup, make it a fucking party!
      Thank you for taking the time and reading. I'm stoned so thank you for letting me write or my head would explode! By the way, "Private Reserve OG from NOCC is THE SHIT! Thats why I'm writing. Go down get some and tell them I sent you and get a free edible like the one I'm about to eat! Enjoy your evening! Much love, Stay Black and have a great week!

Friday, October 14, 2011


                           What's happening beautiful people? How the fuck have you been? I know I'm a piece of shit. I've fallen behind on my blog writing. Its not that I'm lazy its just that I'm trying to focus on my One Man Show and I'm also trying to put a book together, so its tough but between you and I, the blogs are my building blocks so I'm back and thats thats!
                           Its hard to believe but writing the one man show has taken me to some dark places and at times I get sad but what can you do. The other morning I was sitting in my office and I got caught looking at a collage a friend had made of a few pictures of my youth. One of those shots is myself and a bunch of guys hanging out at Carmine Balzanos house for a party. For a second I started to think about that particular day. It was the summer of 76' and I was thirteen. At the time my mom and step dad were still together. She owned a bar which she ran solo along with a numbers bank in the City and at the time my step dad was partners in a flower shop but he also ran a numbers bank in Jersey.
                       We would all wake up early. My mom would make breakfast and we'd talk about business or the Mets or some shit. She'd also tell me what I had to do that day and give me options. She'd say you could either go with me to the bar and work for a few hours and make some cash,then take a ride to the City for lunch and up to Harlem to check on the banks or you could stay home, vacuum, walk up the hill and pay the phone bill or some shit and figure out lunch and dinner on my own.
                        Then my step dad would come down and make me a similiar offer. He'd want me to take a ride to the City and pick up roses, destem them then go back to West New York and help out at the numbers bank or stay home and cut the grass or clean the garage or some shit. I'd tell them both that I would stay home and they would flip. What are you going to do all day? Stay home and shoot hoops? There's no one in your family over 6 feet! You have to do something with your life! You better have everything done by the time we get back!
                     As soon as they would leave I would go straight to the park to practice for a few hours. Then by lunch when it got hot I would do my errands. After a few hours I was ready for Carmines house. They had 4 boys, a basketball hoop and a built in pool. There mother would cook something for lunch it was great. My mom and step dad would come home at some point of the day unannounced to check on me and make sure I had done my work but besides that I was on my own all day. While I was thinking about it I became sad for a minute but why? They had givin me choices but I chose to be alone. Was it trust? Was my mom a bad mom?
                    While I was growing up my step dad made some rules but my mom really ran the show. She was very independent minded in a way. She wanted me to experience everything. The other day I was doing laundry and I thought to myself, how long have I been doing laundry for? Since I was 7! My mom taught me how to do all that shit at an early age. She would always tell me that some day I would be married and I'd have to help my wife, thirty five years later there I am doing laundry. My point, if there is one is that in a way my mother was preparing me for life. I've spoken about this before but it really hit home the other day. I was basically living like that since I was in the 6th grade. I would get home from school and there would be a note with cash. Either I could cook the steak, go out to eat or come to the bar and work. Somedays I took the cash and went to the 4 Star diner and got myself a BlT with a milkshake, like a Doctor! Somedays I would cook the steak and keep the cash and some days I'd walk up the hill work at the bar hit her for another 20 and forget about the one on the table, she was basically teaching me how to hustle on my terms! I think now that she did a great job!
                 We all have dark shit from our childhood that makes us think. Fuck it! What does it matter its the past and fuck it we're still here, so in reality, it wasn't that bad and most importantly, we got something out of it. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry. I'm going to get back on it so never fear....Uncle Joey's here!
                  Before I forget on Monday the Director of the documentary( Lee Syatt from Isreal) and myself are getting together to see what we shot and start putting it together. We have some work to do but think it should be out by mid-December. I'd like to take a minute to thank everyone for your support and donations. Without you guys it would not be possible. We're not going to tell you lies about big screen bullshit, this is for us, short and sweet and  funny and to the point and your going to love it! I'll keep you posted.
                As far as MadFlavorsWorld, we're not coming back till the documentary is released but we're coming back bigger and better. I'm looking for sponsors right now and getting everything set up so if you guys know of any up and coming businesses that need to get the word out, email me and we'll get something going.
              Besides that, all is well. The cats are good and healthy, the wife is an animal and I still love you guys. I'm doing the One Man show Wednesday at The IceHouse @ 8:30 if you want to hear some good stories come on down. Much love to you cocksuckers. Have a great weekend and STAY BLACK!!!!!!