About Me

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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Monday, March 28, 2011


         Greetings cocksuckers! Sorry I didn't post anything last week. As you know I was on the road. When I go out I have to decide between my sleep apnea machine or the computer because I'm not hauling both of them plus luggage and all that shit, so guess who wins? The sleep apnea machine. It's good to get off this thing from time to time so you could live your life again as a POW for a few days, like a Soldier!
       Before I went home last week I was excited about all the people I was going to see. People like George K., Lubes, Lisa Tizzio and old friends I hadn't seen in years. While I was making hotel reservations and trying to figure out where I was staying George suggested me staying with his Grand Ma for a few days at first I wasn't sure but after thinking about it, I agreed George's Nana is a COOL motherfucker.
        I met Nana for the first time in 1985. I was 23 and she was 63. By this time she was retired. I met her grandson George in North Bergen summer school in 79 and we always stayed in touch. In 83 when I got in trouble and split for a while, we lost contact. In 85 when I made a comeback I was still laying low living in Tenafly. One day while I was walking around looking looking for what to rob next, I saw a familiar face landscaping, George. We exchanged numbers and as crazy as this sounds I got to use it that night when I called him to pick me up from Bergen County Jail. I had gotten picked up for selling stolen property but at the time I had a warrant. George got me out. When I arrived at my home, the landlord was throwing me out so George brought me to his home that night and in a way, I never left.
     When I got to his home he introduced me to his mom and his grandma. I immediately felt the love. Even though I was broke they fed me and shared whatever they had. I immediately started looking for work to get on my feet. I took a job as a construction helper with this scumbag. I didn't have transportation or tools so the guy rode me hard. I was a young idiot at the time waiting for my next score but I wanted to learn a trade so I kept my mouth shut. One day the guy gave me a check that bounced and I had no dough all weekend. When I saw him Monday he said he made a deposit and this and that but he knew what he did.
     A couple of weeks went by and he did it again. There I was Friday night with no dough, Fuck him. He would make me go all the way to his house even though he was going to drive past my corner so I knew where he lived. It was in Palisade Park somewhere. I had George drive me and I told him to stay put. I break into his house, I find my cash and a little extra which was going into my pocket for pain and suffering. I clip some jewelry, a little more cash but on the way out I saw something that I knew would fuck with him. His famed bottle of that ass water DOM PERRIGNON. It was a Magnum and a collectible for some reason or another and the asshole wouldn't shut up about it. He thought it was his key to Hollywood or something. So on the way out, I took it to go.
     When we got home George and I looked through the loot, but Grandma saw the bottle and in her classic nature she asked, What's that Coco? I looked at George, he looked at me. We both said, Champagne! She asked, what are you going to do drink that? We didn't know. Our plan was to sell it to a liquor store and go into the city to a club.
     We went to a couple of spots and no one was interested. Were sitting at the house when Nana comes back from Bingo and asked how come were not out yet. We looked at each other, got a cork screw or whatever the fuck we needed and pooped that bottle. George, Nana and me drank the whole magnum. We caught a good buzz then went to a restaurant called Picallisimo in Fort Lee, New Jersey and eat the best Lobster Fra Diablo you ever tasted. We want back to the house, danced with Grandma for a while then we all passed out.  I had a great time in a family setting for the first time since my mom had passed. It gave me a certain strength that I had forgotten about, family love, there's nothing like it and when you don't have it you don't miss it because you don't really know it exist until your back in that energy. It made my path clearer.
      I've loved grandma ever since. I never really knew my Grandmothers or remember them for that matter so in reality she's the first grandmother I've ever had. Later on that year I got my shit together and put together a little something and made the long awaited decision to move to Colorado, settle down and get away from the shit or find myself That was June of 85.

   In February of 94 after my divorce I decided to move back to North Bergen to get my life together. I had nothing going on but I wanted to do stand up. Mitzi, George's Mom had moved out and there was room at grandma's. I could throw her some Bingo money and pick up some meals and do whatever she needed. George came back to. He was on one trip and I was on another. He the H, me the powder. Every night was an adventure and grandma was in the middle. She knew what we were up to. As soon as her light went out, it was on. George would run to the bathroom and I would stay right there and do bumps. I could do my bumps first so I would put it away and bust George's balls. Grandma had a Gong on the wall. I would wait till she was good and rested then I bang that motherfucker and she'd come running out and ask? What the hell was that? She'd look around then ask? Where's Georgie? She'd run to the bathroom and bang on the door, George what you doing in there? I'd be to coked out to laugh by that point.
    Later that year I went back to Colorado to go after a comedy career. But I always thought about grandma. Before I got on the plane this last time, George told me she was old. Its been 26 years later, she was old when I met her. She's 89 and she doesn't stop all day. She sweeps, she cleans, she shovels snow, she argues with her dog and she's loosing her hearing but she's still alive a funnier than ever, that kind of shit inspires me but between you and I, she always inspired me. She'd talk to me about Cuba even though she's from Panama and she always said that Cuba got what was coming to them for all the gambling and the prostitution, that's a weird way of looking at it but she ain't lying. She also once told me that I had to act a certain way because I was Spanish that I should always be proud and respectful.
   It seemed like every time I failed over the years I found a certain strength in Grandma that would set me out on the world on fire.When I went home this time I wasn't failing but in a way I've been feeling alone out here in L.A. lately not to mention, I hadn't been home in two years, so now I think it was a good choice to stay with her as a reminder of my life and where I've been but for the cold reminder that you have to live your life every day, she does.
  Thank you for reading this shit, its my life. Have a great week most importantly Stay Black!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


                  Greetings! Hope everybody is having a great Tuesday. Sorry I'm late with this thing but I've been busy. Besides, every bodys off kilter this week because it's St. Patty's Day. People wait all year for this day to get fucked up. Some of the best parties I went to were on this day. Thank God those days are over. I couldn't handle one of those hangovers now.
                  This weekend I get to home for the first time in 2 years. I'm very excited, but at the same time very apprehensive. I left North Bergen 28 years ago. When I left yes I was in trouble, but it was in more ways than one. I had problems with certain people and yes I robbed certain people but that really wasn't it. That was the push to make me go. I wanted to put myself in that position in a way because I wanted more from life, but I didn't know what. I thought a change of scenery would give me the answer, but it didn't. I was stuck with me.
                 I moved, but still found myself being involved in shady shit. It was following me I thought. So I went back because it seemed it was all I was good for. When I moved back and got in deeper trouble in 85', I swore if I left I would never return. I went back to Colorado got locked up, got out, got married, had a kid and I was still involved in crazy shit. When that came tumbling down what did I do in 94'? I went back to North Bergen to get my head clear and see what was in my future. After 10 months I went back to Colorado and dove into Stand Up comedy and never looked back.
                Last week I was talking to a friend of mine that still lives in the neighborhood. She told me that she couldn't wait to sell her house because there was nothing there, and how this sucked and that sucked and in a way it reminded me. Those were the exact things I would say, how the place was no good, the people sucked, and so on. Years later I realized it wasn't the place it was me. I have many successful friends that still live there problem free and I have friends that live there and its a grind, it was about them the same way it was about me.   The reason going back gives me anxiety is because this is where my pain and my dreams both started. Walking those hills and thinking about getting out. Walking around as a young man after my mom dying realizing I was alone. I would cry thinking about my next move and my future.
             One of my dreams was to make a big score, leave and come back a millionaire to prove the people wrong, that I wasn't really a piece of shit, that I had just lost my way. At 48 years old I'm not a millionaire and I don't have a show or a mansion but I'm going back with me, that's the most important thing.
            Next week when I go home I'll look around at all the things that made me. The Deli's and the schools I went to, the corners I hung out at, my old house, my mothers grave and the place were her bar used to be. And remember the good times and not think of the bad times because there are really no bad times at home, it was all apart of us growing up, insecurities and all.
            Thank you for reading and have a great week! Much love and Stay Black!
P.S. While I'm in the New York area I'll be performing one night March 22nd at The Bitter End at 9PM! Come out and say hello! I'll also be at The Comedy Club in Webster New York March 24th -26th


Monday, March 7, 2011


                             Happy Monday! Its a beautiful day to be alive. The sun is out, the dogs down the block are barking and I'm ready for the week. This week is Ash Wednesday and I'm sitting here thinking what I should give up for lent. I usually don't give anything up I just stick to the regimen of no meat on Friday but I felt that's too easy because it gives me an excuse to smoke a bone and go to the all you could eat Sushi spot by my house. Where's the effort in that? So this year I have to figure out something.
                             People always ask me how I ended up in Colorado? I tell people that in 83' my friend Jimmy and I packed up a car and went out there. I wish it was that easy. I was 19, I was into some crazy shit and like every other kid my age, I was looking for the answers. There I was living a life of crime 24/7, doing drugs and simply going nowhere. I had the answers but I didn't know where to start. One night I'm sitting at a bar called, Joe and Mary's in New Jersey. It was my usual hang at that time of my life. I'm sitting there and there next to me is this guy. He looked familiar. I wasn't sure if it was who I thought. I had heard that he was in Colorado at The Air force Academy. I asked him if his name was Jimmy and he immediately remembered me. We had met years earlier at some function in my home town. I asked him what he was doing there? He said he had gotten thrown out of the Academy and was now coming home to get his stuff together to move to Basalt, Colorado a town thirty minutes from Aspen.
                            During our conversation I asked him about the job market and how much the rent was and if I needed a car, general questions. I was looking to get out. He could feel it so he asked? I told him it would take me a week or two to put some finances together which meant, I had to rob some people. He said that we needed a car to drive out there so we needed to buy one. They had a house and I could stay there till I got situated so I told him I was in. We bought a car and set a date to leave. We were a week a way from the journey and I still hadn't put all my pieces together so he told me he was leaving without me and I could fly out when I was ready. I could tell he was mad. I begged him to wait a week but he said he had to get back.
                          I was waiting to hit a drug dealer that got his product once a month and would stash it in a parking garage with the proceeds from that score I was going to pay a loan shark debt wait a week or two then hit him for a huge loan and split. I finally hit the drug dealer. I'm out celebrating with my friends and who do I bump into? Jimmy! He said the engine blew up in Pittsburgh and the car had to be towed back. It was a sign! Now I had to go back.
                         We fixed the car, I beat the loan shark and on April 25th, 1983, I left North Bergen, New Jersey for a new life. It took us 3 days in a car, with 2 joints and one 8 track, Led Zeppelin Physical Graffiti, but we made it. We lived in Basalt for a while then Jimmy and I got a apartment in Snowmass Village. I lived with Jimmy for a year till I fucked up and moved back to Jersey.
                        I always kept in touch with Jimmy after that. He was my friend. When I moved back to Colorado in 85, he gave me his house sitting job because he was now moving to New Jersey. He was getting married and starting a family. We would talk every two weeks and we always made each other laugh. Last fall I was talking to Jimmy and he mentioned that he was coming to San Diego in November so we made loose plans to see each other so I booked a gig down there. The night of the gig I get a call from him saying that he's going to miss the show because he's going to spend time with his family, he has a brother there and his wife and son came out also. In a way my feelings were hurt. To make things worst I don't hear from him the rest of the time. I thought we probably out grew each other, he has a family, I have cats, he's a working man, I'm a fucked up comic, what can you do?
                         It's early January and I'm on the phone with a dear friend of mine and he asked if I had heard from Jimmy that he had heard from his parents that Jimmy was real sick. I immediately called the house and left a message.Two days went by and I heard nothing so I called again and he answered. He told me that he had skin cancer and that it had gotten into his lymph nodes and spread into his lungs. He also told me it didn't look good. That he had found out about it in September and wanted to tell the family while they were all together, that's why he couldn't see me. He said that the cancer was a strong one but he was going to fight it and that he didn't want anyone to know because he didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him that he was going to live his life. I was blown the fuck away!
                    I'm going to new Jersey next week on my way to Rochester. I'm going to see my friends, eat some food, put some flowers on my mom's grave, do a show in the city but the real reason is to say hello or goodbye to an old friend. I pray everyday that this cocksucker beats this or stays alive long enough for me to make him proud, for the chance he gave me knowing I was crazy, for talking to me about History while we did bong hits for Jerry's kids, for not judging me while I was robbing drug dealers left and right while we were living together but most importantly for saving my life in 1983, and for not changing the oil in that car before the trip, because if he would have, I wouldn't be writing this right now.
                 This one was a tough one to write, thank you for reading. Have a great week but most important...............STAY BLACK!
                BREA IMPROV          MARCH 9TH
           THE BITTER END           MARCH 22nd