About Me

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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


                               What's happening beautiful people? It's the first day of Summer, can you believe it? Time is flying by! When you were a kid and wanted to get older, the days dragged on forever! Now that we're older and time is running out we want the day to go by slower than a motherfucker. I never thought that I would be one of those people that would say, I wish I can go back with what I know now, good luck! That's what living is about, and at one point you put it all together. You realize that the money and the bullshit aren't really what you were seeking, it was happiness. The ability to think clearly and feel positive about yourself. The ability to feel that if a fucked up situation arises your prepared. In a way you look forward to a bump in the road because you'll now handle it in a different manner, not the manner you would handle something when you were twenty.
                                Last night I was sitting on my porch realizing how lucky I was. I'm happy, I have great friends, I'm not rich but I have my health. I thought about my wife and my cats and the happiness they bring me then in the middle of my euphoric mindfuck I remembered a dark time. A time of confusion and pain in my life. It was the first time I thought I was rreally going to die and in a way, I wanted to.
                               In 1984 I was 21 years old and at the time, I was OK. I lived in a 2 bedroom condo in Snowmass Village Colorado. I had a job, I was back in School part time at Colorado Mountain College and for the first time since my mothers death, things were looking up. Don't get me wrong, I was still scamming like a motherfucker but it was controlled. For some reason or another, something wasn't right. I felt that I was rough around the edges when I got to Colorado and now that I had stepped back for a few months I was ready to go back to North Bergen and take it to the next level. Why? I had everything in Colorado. The truth was that I felt I was missing something.
                           So I gave my roommate Jimmy a couple months rent with the promise that I would be back in a month. Deep down in my heart, I knew that was a lie. The minute I got off the plane, the party started. I picked up right were I left off. I went through the money I saved in about a week. I got a job working as a warehouseman got a girlfriend and fell right into the North Beegen lifestyle. Working, drinking, snorting and having a good time. It really wasn't a good time, something was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I had this sadness in my soul. When my mom died, I was 15. I was busy. I was in school, I played sports, I had a girlfriend, I partied, all the things to distract me from the pain. After 6 years, the pain was getting to be unbearable. It was hitting me, in reality, it was time to pay the piper. For years I swept my sorrow and anger under a carpet, and now it was catching up to me. I went from doing a half of a gram a weekend to a half ounce a night. Before long, I lost my job, my girlfriend and the place where I was living. I had become a Nomad!
                          I had bags of clothes in different peoples houses. My headquarters was a bar. I would be there all day waiting for people to come in with different scams to fuel my addiction. I lost everything I had in 6 months just like that. I would sleep when I could. One or two nights a week I would get a hotel room. One night I would sleep at a friends and the other nights. I just ended up were ever the blow would finish then deal with it. I was a fucking mess.
                         The particular night I was thinking about was a cold night after Thanksgiving. I was walking around, it was fucking freezing and I was tired. It was about 4AM and I thought about a friend who had a mattress in his basement.I broke into the side window and crawled in. I remember taking a dirty blanket from the laundry pile and going into the back room where the mattress was. There was no heat. I was shaking, I was hungry. I remember thinking about how I had come to this. I couldn't believe this was happening. I broke down and started to cry hard, with this fury that I had never felt before in my life. I remember wanting to kill myself at that moment but I was too tired. I made up my mind. I was going to catch a few hours, wake up, get something to eat, then I was going to walk up to the George Washington Bridge and jump.
                        That was my plan. I could sleep now because I had a mission and all this was going to end. I layed down and closed my eyes. As I lay there ready to drift off, I smelled something. What was it? I opened my eyes and right there 2 inches from my face was the oldest, brownest, biggest peice of shit I ever saw! They had a dog that would slip downstairs from time to time. I remember wanting to cry, but I was too tired for that to. I just passed out!
                       Thats what came to my mind last night when I was feeling good about myself. I tried to end the memory but it played and yes I laughed because a piece of dog shit as the cherry to your horrible evening is always funny. Why did I think of that story? I guess my mind put it in there as a reminder. You always have to check yourself no matter whats going on, bad or good. It will add meaning to whatever situation your feeling. Some people say to forget the bad things and put them behind you, I disagree. Keep them close by as a reminder of how quick things could change in your life.
                         Thank you for reading and for all the support. Without you guys, I wouldn't have much!
By the way, the taping of "Standup Revolution" went great! Gabrial Iglesias is a great man and a great comedian. He remembered all his friends! Sometimes in life, thats what its all about. If he ever comes to your town or to a venue close by please by all means go see him and support because he's one of us! A soldier!
Have a great week! But most importantly..........STAY BLACK!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011


GETTING IT TOGETHER!: 20 YEARS AND COUNTING!: " Happy Monday! It's a beautiful day to be alive! I really do love Mondays because it feels like you get a new lease o..."


                        Happy Monday! It's a beautiful day to be alive! I really do love Mondays because it feels like you get a new lease on life. I love getting up early, smoking a number and planning out my goals for the week. This week is a special week for me in a way because 20 years ago this Saturday, I did something that changed my life forever.
                      In 1989 I came out of prison and checked in to a halfway house in Boulder. I was free. From the moment I left that hole I knew I wasn't going back and I had to get my life in order. I got a job selling cars and played the game for a while. In June that year I got my girlfriend pregnant so I made plans to get married that september. I needed cash so I went back to what I knew best, Hustling. I continued to sell cars but I started selling blow again, right there in the halfway house. I also started to loanshark because you had to pay rent on Thursday so you could have a furlough that weekend, so there I was getting 102.00 for 85.00 it was great. I had about 20 clients.
                    Right before I got married I got this feeling that I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do with my life. Yes, I was making money but I just wasn't happy. I wanted more out of life. I knew construction so I got a job as a roofer for my inlaws. I loved it. I was outside in the sun and I was having fun. Eventually I got a promotion to become an estimator and I was on my way. I did that for a year but I knew there was more out of life. You work all week then on Saturdays and Sundays you hang with your family and your inlaws and thats it. Once a year you go on vacation and see Mickey Mouse and thats it till I'm 65, thats what your trying to tell me. I couldn't believe it.
                     I really wanted more. I was bored. I wanted action. I tried everything. I meditated, I went and got confirmed at 28 because I thought I needed the Holy Spirit in my life, that didn't work. Then one afternoon it was raining and I was home watching TV and the movie "Punchline" came on. I remember sitting there thinking my head was going to explode. This is what I wanted to do. I had a bunch of Richard Pryor albums, plus people had always told me to try Stand up because I was funny. But the biggest confidence builder I had was my time in the can because on Thursday nights before movie night the invicts would make me go up and say a few things while they were getting the projecter ready. I would go off about the prison and some of the guys, it was great. So I knew I could do it.
                    I thought about it for a while and changed my mind. It was just a dream. About a week later, I'm in a diner having breakfast and I decide to pick up the paper and see what was happening. In the entertainment section they had a story about Standup comedy and how to start a career doing it. I wrote down the number to a 3 week course they were offering. I called the number and enrolled. The class was great. At the end you had to do a 2 minute performance. When I was walking out the teacher pulled me over and told me to pursue it. That was February. I knew what I had to do but couldn't pull the trigger.
                 A new Comedy Club was opening up in Westminster Colorado named, "Wits End" and they were looking for help. I got a job as a doorman. I watched the acts and asked questions, never telling anyone of my secret dream. I would call the other comedy club in Denver and sign up for the open mike but when the date came I would call and cancel with some excuse. By this time, I was fucking miserable. I hated my job, I hated being married. I hated my life but most importantly, I hated me. What had become of my balls. I could kidnap people and shake people down and play gangster but I couldn't and wouldn't go on stage because I was scared. Finally I talked myself into it. On June 18th 1991, I decided to try it. Even though I hated my wife at the time she came down for support.
               I got up there. It was scary but after the first laugh, I loosened up. I walked off that stage and I realized that this was it. That feeling of being scared, then being happy, your adrenaline pumping it was amazing, I remember walking off stage and looking at my wifes face. She saw something different in me. I had finally found something other than drugs. I found peace in a way because at the moment I realized what I wanted to do, the mystery was over.
              Here I was with everything I thought I wanted out of life, a family, a good job, money, security. It didn't fill the void. Happinees is everything, your happiness. Shortly after that we got separated and divorced. I lost my job with her family, she took my furniture, even my spoons and forks. I was left with a mattress and a VCR, thats it. I remember sitting there in this empty room. Thinking had I made a mistake, but knowing that I'd be OK because I had found my calling. I had to start all over again. That was October of 91'
             I fucked around for a few years then in October of 94, I decided to take control of my career and go for it. The reason I wrote about this today is because I come in contact with so many people who are lost because they don't know what they want to do with there life and even when they find out they don't know or are too scared to get started. Sometimes we know something will change our life but we choose to avoid it. Fuck it! At least give it a try. I put my pants on one leg at a time like the rest of you. I'm not special I was just dumb enough to try it. Do me a favor, think about what I wrote. I had what every man wants but that wasn't enough.  Sometimes its better to want then to have. I'm not rich, I'm not very successful. I don't have a TV show but I have me. And I've had me for 20 years now thanks to that night.
          This Saturday night I'll be taping, "Stand Up Revolution" for Gabrial Eglesias in Arizona at Stand Up Phoenix.  Look at the date, June 18th! 20 years later it paid off. I don't know of Comedy Central will use my set but it doesn't matter, because the gambled paid off and even if it didn't I still took the chance, I gambled on myself! The most important bet you'll ever make!
Have a great week and thank you for taking the time..........Much Love but most importantly............Stay Black!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


                                              What's happening beautiful people? Hope your having a great week and things are going your way. It's tough out there for a Pimp, but you've got to keep on pushing because as you know, time waits for no one. All you hear about these days are people going to rehabs or fat farms or this or that but its amazing how you can throw all these different roadblocks at people to get better but deep down inside it all ends with you and this process could be easy or it could be hard, again thats up to you.
                                              As you know I struggled with Cocaine addiction for years. It was getting old and I knew for me rehab was not the answer. I didn't know what to do then I remembered something from my youth that gave me the answers to my problems. When I was a kid, I was hooked on pacifiers or as my mom called them, El Tete!  I didn't go anywhere without them. I would be playing with kids and in the middle of the action, I would call a timeout sneak away and suck on my Te-te. I had them hidden all around the house and it was my moms and I little secret. Whenever I would do something wrong my mother would say, 'If you don't behave I'm going to tell your friends about El tete and I'd behave.
                                          My mother was a collector of antique dolls. She had them all over the living room. She loved them dolls especially this one Japanese one that had interchangable hairdoo's. My father had brought it back for her as a gift and after he died it was sacred to my mom. I was the devil growing up. I never stopped. One of the things I did to break my moms balls was to play ball in the house. I would throw a Spaulding ball off the wall and she would go crazy. She would warn me that one day I was going to break something and she was going to break my head. I didn't listen and about a week later sure enough I broke something, her favorite doll.
                                     I tried to glue it and fix it but it was broken. Eventually she found out but she didn't break my head. Instead she made me a deal. She told me I could pay for it with the money I earned stocking beer and cleaning bathrooms at my moms bar or I could give her all my Tetes and we would be even. That was a tough call. I was very crazy about my money back then. I would hide it and count it everyday. I wasn't about to give that up and I wasn't giving up my Tetes so we were going to have a problem. She let me sleep on it and I was to give her an answer in the morning.
                                    When I woke up she was right there waiting for her answer. I thought long and hard. I wasn't giving up the money. So I opted for the te-tes. It was the worst day of my life. I remember walking around the house putting all my tetes in a big garbage bag. There must have been 60 of them and I cried over everyone, It was traumatizing. I remember sitting in my room thinking, How was I going to cope?
                                   Days went by and I forgot all about my Tete, life went on. There was no rehab, no story, no hugs.that's it. Why couldn't everything be that easy? It is! I was young and there was no thinking about anything, you just did it! The decision always begins with you, deep inside. Once you tell yourself you can do something its scary.  It doesn't have to be an addiction, it could be something as simple as a goal of yours that you can't seem to crack. Everybody is worried about how? The answer is always in front of you. It all begins with you! Just fucking do it! Whats all the talking about?
                                   Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a great week and remember..........................Stay Black!

Thursday, June 2, 2011


                        What's happening beautiful people? Sorry I haven't been paying attention to the blogs. Its tough to write these things but I promise I'm going back to Mondays again. I started this years ago on Myspace but as you know, those motherfuckers died.
                        Thank you for all the compliments on the JRE podcast. I love podcasting because unlike radio I don't have to sell a comedy show, I'm selling something better, my soul. I get to talk about all the dark shit in my life. Some stuff you keep to yourself because its too out there but everyonce in a while something happens to strengthen a belief and you have to tell somebody.
                        I've always believed in spirits. Not hob goblins and ghost but spirits. A spirit is what your soul becomes. I've always had a facination with them because I lost my Father at a young age and between you and I don't remember him at all, nothing. I was 3. Even after my Mother remarried she would always tell me stories about him and I always felt a certain warmth. A warmth like someone was there. I've always had a special type confidence because deep down inside I've always known he was close by, does it sound crazy.
                     As you may or may not know, I was an animal when I was in my 20's, thank God I got locked up for a while and saw the light. But there were things I did and got away with that proved to me I had an angel on my shoulder, trust me, I shouldn't be here. A lot of people say that but I get up every morning and thank somebody because I'm very lucky.
                      I have never seen a spirit but I feel they send us messages from time to time in weird ways. I know you've had one of these, let me explain. When I lived in Boulder I became friends with this cool cat from Mississippi named Joe Khatch. He worked at the restaurant I hung out at and we became tight. Soon after I met his wife and in time they had two beautiful girls, the youngest Emma and Julia. Emma was a baby but Julia was about 3. She was very cute and brash. She would always tell you what was on her mind even at that young age. They realized they wanted to start a Bagel business so they moved back to Tupalo.
                    I kept in touch with him over the years. We'd send each other cards and that sort of stuff and I watched the girls grow. About 2 years ago I get a call from Joe asking me for my address because Julia wanted to invite me to her High School graduation. I spoke to both of them then I hung up and went on my way. That Monday I get a call from a friend in Colorado who asked if I had heard the news. Julia went out that night after our conversation and got into a car accident and died. I was blown away! It was like a bad dream! I had just spoken to her on Saturday what are you talking about? She told me Joe couldn't call because he was heart broken. I just sat there and cried. It was horrible.
                  A few months later on was on location in Colorado shooting a movie. They called and by coincidence they were there skiing about an hour away. They showed up one night and we talked about what happened. I told them that I had never opened the card she sent. I put it on my drawer with her picture and every Monday I light a candle and say a prayer for her. I told them that and they couldn't believe it. The mother immediately started telling me about all the weird stuff thats happened since her death. Things that she couldn't explain. I feel that sometimes a soul just isn't ready to leave. You ever meet someone with a strong character and think to yourself, this motherfucker will never die.
                 This morning I get a call about 7am and its Joe. He's saying hello and what not then he tells me Mary has to talk to me. I could tell that when she got the phone,  she went outside. She told me that on second anniversary of Julia's death, that Julia sent her a sign. She told me that they've lived in the same home for 16 years and not once have they turned on the house alarm. They knew they had it but felt they didn't need it and had it disconnected. On the morning of the anniversary they went to work about 5am and at about 7am they get a call from Emma, the house alarm was going off. That couldn't be because the system had been shut off. They called the alarm and Mary met them at the house. They said that on the computer the system was disabled that no way could it be going off. Then they said that there was some master box and they had to find that. The company said it was in one of the closets, sure enough it was in Julia's old closet. The company couldn't figure out what happened. They disconnected the wires and left.
               Mary started crying because she said she knew it was Julia fucking with her. Years earlier Julia would always ask her what if theres a killer in the woods and he cuts the phone lines! How I'm I going to signal you. Mary felt that was her signal. When she told me, she started to cry and I started to cry because I understood. I felt that warmth again. Think about it, has anyone ever sent you a signal? A sign?
              Thank you for understanding where the hell I'm coming from. I may be stoned but my Jimmy runs deep. Thank you for reading and like I said I'll have one of these for you every Monday from now on. Thank you and remember to Stay Black!

Winston's San Diego  June 4th 7PM
Brea Improv              June 8th 8PM
Gabrial Iglesias Comedy Revolution Taping Stand Up Phoenix  June 18th
Pittsburgh with Joe Rogan  June 25th