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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


                               What's happening beautiful people? It's the first day of Summer, can you believe it? Time is flying by! When you were a kid and wanted to get older, the days dragged on forever! Now that we're older and time is running out we want the day to go by slower than a motherfucker. I never thought that I would be one of those people that would say, I wish I can go back with what I know now, good luck! That's what living is about, and at one point you put it all together. You realize that the money and the bullshit aren't really what you were seeking, it was happiness. The ability to think clearly and feel positive about yourself. The ability to feel that if a fucked up situation arises your prepared. In a way you look forward to a bump in the road because you'll now handle it in a different manner, not the manner you would handle something when you were twenty.
                                Last night I was sitting on my porch realizing how lucky I was. I'm happy, I have great friends, I'm not rich but I have my health. I thought about my wife and my cats and the happiness they bring me then in the middle of my euphoric mindfuck I remembered a dark time. A time of confusion and pain in my life. It was the first time I thought I was rreally going to die and in a way, I wanted to.
                               In 1984 I was 21 years old and at the time, I was OK. I lived in a 2 bedroom condo in Snowmass Village Colorado. I had a job, I was back in School part time at Colorado Mountain College and for the first time since my mothers death, things were looking up. Don't get me wrong, I was still scamming like a motherfucker but it was controlled. For some reason or another, something wasn't right. I felt that I was rough around the edges when I got to Colorado and now that I had stepped back for a few months I was ready to go back to North Bergen and take it to the next level. Why? I had everything in Colorado. The truth was that I felt I was missing something.
                           So I gave my roommate Jimmy a couple months rent with the promise that I would be back in a month. Deep down in my heart, I knew that was a lie. The minute I got off the plane, the party started. I picked up right were I left off. I went through the money I saved in about a week. I got a job working as a warehouseman got a girlfriend and fell right into the North Beegen lifestyle. Working, drinking, snorting and having a good time. It really wasn't a good time, something was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I had this sadness in my soul. When my mom died, I was 15. I was busy. I was in school, I played sports, I had a girlfriend, I partied, all the things to distract me from the pain. After 6 years, the pain was getting to be unbearable. It was hitting me, in reality, it was time to pay the piper. For years I swept my sorrow and anger under a carpet, and now it was catching up to me. I went from doing a half of a gram a weekend to a half ounce a night. Before long, I lost my job, my girlfriend and the place where I was living. I had become a Nomad!
                          I had bags of clothes in different peoples houses. My headquarters was a bar. I would be there all day waiting for people to come in with different scams to fuel my addiction. I lost everything I had in 6 months just like that. I would sleep when I could. One or two nights a week I would get a hotel room. One night I would sleep at a friends and the other nights. I just ended up were ever the blow would finish then deal with it. I was a fucking mess.
                         The particular night I was thinking about was a cold night after Thanksgiving. I was walking around, it was fucking freezing and I was tired. It was about 4AM and I thought about a friend who had a mattress in his basement.I broke into the side window and crawled in. I remember taking a dirty blanket from the laundry pile and going into the back room where the mattress was. There was no heat. I was shaking, I was hungry. I remember thinking about how I had come to this. I couldn't believe this was happening. I broke down and started to cry hard, with this fury that I had never felt before in my life. I remember wanting to kill myself at that moment but I was too tired. I made up my mind. I was going to catch a few hours, wake up, get something to eat, then I was going to walk up to the George Washington Bridge and jump.
                        That was my plan. I could sleep now because I had a mission and all this was going to end. I layed down and closed my eyes. As I lay there ready to drift off, I smelled something. What was it? I opened my eyes and right there 2 inches from my face was the oldest, brownest, biggest peice of shit I ever saw! They had a dog that would slip downstairs from time to time. I remember wanting to cry, but I was too tired for that to. I just passed out!
                       Thats what came to my mind last night when I was feeling good about myself. I tried to end the memory but it played and yes I laughed because a piece of dog shit as the cherry to your horrible evening is always funny. Why did I think of that story? I guess my mind put it in there as a reminder. You always have to check yourself no matter whats going on, bad or good. It will add meaning to whatever situation your feeling. Some people say to forget the bad things and put them behind you, I disagree. Keep them close by as a reminder of how quick things could change in your life.
                         Thank you for reading and for all the support. Without you guys, I wouldn't have much!
By the way, the taping of "Standup Revolution" went great! Gabrial Iglesias is a great man and a great comedian. He remembered all his friends! Sometimes in life, thats what its all about. If he ever comes to your town or to a venue close by please by all means go see him and support because he's one of us! A soldier!
Have a great week! But most importantly..........STAY BLACK!!!


  1. Awesome read, thanks for sharing.

  2. Thanks for sharing that. I've been down and out myself and as I read your blog I realised that you've been more open with strangers online than I have with many of my friends. Kudos, my friend.

    I love reading your blog. You remind me of myself and all my friends rolled up into one loveable fucking package :)


    First, your story is an amazing one among the billions of stories that could be told from people in situations, where pushing away the feelings of a hardship finally come back for you to face.
    Second, you are hilarious.
    Third, just before I read this my Mom called. I preface this with the fact that I love my mom. Not love like the word, but the feeling I get when I hug her, when she shows she cares, when she backs me no matter what, when she sacrifices to give to me. Love doesn't describe how I feel. But she called and was in obvious emotional pain. She didn't initially start crying but I knew she was crying inside. She asked if I was up to anything but what she meant to say was can you do something for me. She skirted around the intentions of her call and I insisted she simply tell me what needed to be done, and I would do it. Her mom, my Grandma, broker her wrist recently and the pain among other things is affecting her, trickling into my Mother's life, naturally. My Mom wept. She said she didn't know what to do, she said she felt guilty, she said she didn't know what she felt. I told her no matter what, no matter when, I will help. I told her to breathe deeply after I got off the phone with her for ten minutes; deep in, deep out. She cried some more. She feels guilty that she isn't always there with her mom. She feels a burden. I know I can make the situation better because I know nothing else. I arrive at situations to make a positive impact, whatever it is, I'll take the necessary action. Your story and the stories you have told previously are inspirational to always do that and to keep doing that. Maybe you think this is unrelated or maybe you think it is spot on but I wanted to let you know from my deep soul and heart, you've made an impact on my life.
    Finally, I do not seek fortune or fame; simply opportunities to make this world a more efficient place to live by inflicting positivity into the lives I come across because by doing so people can realize their human potential, their limitations, their guilt, their perceptions of things. I know I can help people realize this because I have done it myself. I went through death of my self and I am here to spread all the positivity because I went through the death of my self and I am breathing, living, thriving. I would love to get the chance to meet you, Joe Rogan, the woman on your podcast whose name is alluding me. I actually just started my own podcast and was inspired because of you and Joe Rogan. Let me know what I can do to get on the podcast. I would love to meet you guys.
    If you made it to the end of this I applaud you haha, it was long and for that I thank you.

    Yeha Noha (Wishes of Happiness and Prosperity)

    Alex Guillien (rhymes with million, billion, etc)

  4. thanks for the veiw into your life. keep up the good work. love your comedy! smoke sumthin!

  5. First of all, I wanna say how amazing you're as a comedian and as a human being, the term "being part of a dying breed" HAS never been more accurate than when referring to you Joey Diaz.

    You said something on the JRE podcast once than really caught my attention, when you described how you as a boy wanted to fit in into the american life style and quote "wanted to be a white kid".

    Then I thought how painful it is sometimes to watch you listen to those other guys talk, Joe, Ari, Redban, don't get me wrong they're a nice guys and all but watching you trying to interact with them is like watching you "trying to be a white kid" . They are so fucking american and you Joey, wou will be 100% cuban por el resto de tu vida viejo =)
    I wonder how many times you ever thought "fuck 30 years ago I would've robbed the fuck out of all this motherfuckers".

    I only watch the rogan podcast when you're on, fuck I only listen to when you talk, the rest I fast forward. I tried listen to you on the other podcast with the broad, ex stripper or whatever, but you seemd so mellow, like a kid trying to act good in front of the hot teacher. I find myself yelling, fuck when is Joey gonna put his fat truck and this chicks ass!!?

    The only thign I wanted to say is, I fucking love you and I wish you could have your own podcast, I would fucking pay to hear you talk endlessly about cuban shit and all your stories.

    Muchos saludos desde Suecia, I AM also a guy whos trying to fit in, wanting to be white, but now thnaks to Joey Diaz, I can only keep it black!!

  6. Keep these coming man, great shit. Crazy about "time".....goes so slow when you're young and now its literally racing by.....stay black