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I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

MY BARTENDING CAREER

           Hello beautiful people! Happy Tuesday! I know I'm supposed to write on Mondays but I was still recuperating from Portland not to mention I was busy. Things have slowed down a little now so I'm ready to rock.
People always ask me, What did you do before comedy? For starters I always had dreams of being an attorney. Once I got out of North Bergen I figured I'd establish residency somewhere than after a year apply to some small College that was dumb enough to accept me, and in time I could transfer to a big school than Law school but for the time being I was a full time hustler, burglaries, selling drugs, credit cards, all the bottom level street stuff, its lucrative but lets face it, its small time.
              In 84' after a short stint in Colorado, I decided to move back to North Bergen with a plan to take over the crime syndicate. When I realized that was impossible I looked for strait work. I worked in an Electrical warehouse for a while, it was Union and it payed well, but it wasn't me. I grew up in a bar, why don't I bartend?
I checked around, people said to start as a bar back, or get a shitty day shift until they promote you but I didn't have time for that shit, I wanted to make big money now. A dear friend called and said his brother could get me a Union Bartending job for a small fee, the best thing was they sent you to school.
             I payed my dues and got my book. Part of the training was 2 weeks at "The American Bartending Institute" in midtown Manhattan. I worked a Banquet shift in the day time and went to class at night. The night of the big test I was offered a shift at the main bar so I blew it off because at that point who gave a fuck about a diploma. After about 8 months I started fucking up and ended up getting suspended and eventually loosing the job. In June of 85' when I left Jersey, my plan was to get a bartending job wherever I ended up.
            I applied for jobs in Boulder but wasn't there long enough to get any calls. I got involved in some credit card shit and had to leave in a hurry. When I got to San Francisco, I went out for about 2 weeks and with no luck, gave up. I did some hustling for a while, and one day while I was cashing in some stolen traveler's checks and I spotted a sign, "American Bartending Institute".
           I went in there and told them some story about there lifetime placement deal so they said they'd make some calls and get back to me. The next morning there on the phone saying that I didn't finish the program. I'm like, how did I get the job then? Call the Hotel and ask them. They call back and say, the hell with it. The New York School is fucked with there records. We have an interview for you. It was at 10:30AM at some fancy restaurant. At the time I'm living in the Tenderloin at some hotel that was crazy. I take a bus early the next morning. I get there 45 minutes before my interview. I was a fuck up but at the same time a go-getter, the early bird gets the worm.
         I walk in and theirs nobody around. I'm saying hello! Nothing. I walk to the back and I see the office  door wide open and the safe door open to boot with the last nights take plus the 3 cash registers that were ready to go. I left it alone and did a once over for cameras and what not, I really needed the job but who the fuck would turn this score down on a Thursday morning?
     I had a suit on, I started filling every pocket with bills, change, envelopes, everything. I found an old school canvas deposit bag and filled it to the brim. I remember when I was walking out my jacket was long on one side from the weight of the change. As I'm walking out someone yells, can I help you? I start talking Spanish and walk out. As I'm walking out of the door, I see a bus at the light and I start running like a motherfucker! I'm huffing and puffing but I make it. I walk to the back, slide into the long seat and just sit there in shock that someone would leave that much money in a room wide open. At that point I decided, fuck bartending this shit is too easy. My take was about 3 grand, unfuckingbelievable! A hundred of that in quarters!
  Its crazy but it's my life. Thank you for reading! Brea Improv April 13th 8PM! Have a great week and STAY BLACK! At the end, that's all you got!

7 comments:

  1. Fucking EPIC AS USUAL! Stay Black Uncle Joey

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  2. Made my night. Thanks for sharing Joey!

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  3. Here I was thinking "I've always considered becoming a bartender, I wonder what Joey's take on it is"
    Good to know!

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  4. Joey Coco Diaz is a very unique human being. He is a freak, too weird to live and too rare to die. Cant wait to see you on the next Joe Rogan experience podcast. Stay black cocksucka!

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  5. Hey Joey were can i get your tee shirts?

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  6. Joey,
    You need to put a RSS feed on this blog. Funny as hell!
    Donivan

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