How are you beautiful people? You thought I forgot about you guys but I didn't. I'm getting ready to do a thousand things but today I had dick, so I figured I'd drop a little line on you to tell you whats been going on.
As you guys know, I do a podcast with Felicia Michaels called, "Beauty and Da Beast". Its basically her and I talking shit and sometimes we bring in a guest to ruffle up the feathers a little bit. When we started the show, it really didn't have a theme but it soon took on a life of its own and it became a podcast about second chances since we both had very strange lives. Since we're not the traditional types, the guest we attract are the same, crazy motherfuckers with interesting lives.
We all have interesting lives because from time to time we struggle with life or our personal demons, how we overcome them and continue to live gives us that second chance. What many people don't know about me is that I was married and had a child after I got out of prison and before I got into comedy. After a while my true colors started to show and like everything else in my life at the time, the marriage fell apart. It was fine, we had both made a mistake but their was a child involved. I made a simple deal with her because I wanted to stay in the childs life. After a few months, she got a boyfriend, I started fucking around and before you knew it we had a situation.
The drama escalated and I ended smacking the guy, she took me to court but in the end the only one who suffered was my little girl in the car that day that witnessed the whole thing at the age of 4. I noticed her crying and it hit me, I had seen this type of behavior as a child and between you and I it didn't do a fucking thing for me. Between that situations and many others I decided that for everyones sake I would move to Seattle for a while to give the situation air before it got worst.
I would visit every few months but after a while I started to lose her, between me being away and whatever the Mother was telling her, it was starting to show, now I have nothing because we haven't spoken in years.
Now thats a great story and all, and I had a great time smacking the guy and acting like a fucking fool but the truth was.....I failed as a Father, period. For years it was my own little secret, but once I came to terms with that, it made my life a lot easier. The pain always remained though, what that meant was that no matter what, I never wanted kids again. Its like having sleep apnea, you choke when you sleep why would you want to sleep?
I always thought that God had seen my actions and had taken me off the hook, my wife and I have been together for 12 years and we used birth control for a while but I thought with all the drugs, pills and reefer that my sperm count was dead, well did I get a big surprise a couple of weeks ago when she infomed me that I had knocked her up I almost died.
I can't lie to you guys, I've been in hell lately, not because of the child but because of me, can this happen again? Then I started thinking about all the other things I had failed at the first couple times, did I continue? My Father died when I was 3 and for years his friends told me that his last breath must have been hard because I had changed his whole world and he had stepped up. After thinking about that and beating myself up for weeks I came to a conclusion to be the best Father I could be and thats it and I also realized what just happened.....I got a second chance to at something that you only get one shot at.....Being a fucking man!
Thank you for reading and for all the love and support you've givin me, I'll keep you guys posted! Much love and Stay Black because at the end of the week....Thats all that matters.
Don't forget to go to Joeycocodiaz.net and Beautyanddabeast.com for CD downloads, Documentary info, Club dates, tshirts, explosives. Gorilla Bisquits and more..........