Greetings! Hope everybody is having a great Tuesday. Sorry I'm late with this thing but I've been busy. Besides, every bodys off kilter this week because it's St. Patty's Day. People wait all year for this day to get fucked up. Some of the best parties I went to were on this day. Thank God those days are over. I couldn't handle one of those hangovers now.
This weekend I get to home for the first time in 2 years. I'm very excited, but at the same time very apprehensive. I left North Bergen 28 years ago. When I left yes I was in trouble, but it was in more ways than one. I had problems with certain people and yes I robbed certain people but that really wasn't it. That was the push to make me go. I wanted to put myself in that position in a way because I wanted more from life, but I didn't know what. I thought a change of scenery would give me the answer, but it didn't. I was stuck with me.
I moved, but still found myself being involved in shady shit. It was following me I thought. So I went back because it seemed it was all I was good for. When I moved back and got in deeper trouble in 85', I swore if I left I would never return. I went back to Colorado got locked up, got out, got married, had a kid and I was still involved in crazy shit. When that came tumbling down what did I do in 94'? I went back to North Bergen to get my head clear and see what was in my future. After 10 months I went back to Colorado and dove into Stand Up comedy and never looked back.
Last week I was talking to a friend of mine that still lives in the neighborhood. She told me that she couldn't wait to sell her house because there was nothing there, and how this sucked and that sucked and in a way it reminded me. Those were the exact things I would say, how the place was no good, the people sucked, and so on. Years later I realized it wasn't the place it was me. I have many successful friends that still live there problem free and I have friends that live there and its a grind, it was about them the same way it was about me. The reason going back gives me anxiety is because this is where my pain and my dreams both started. Walking those hills and thinking about getting out. Walking around as a young man after my mom dying realizing I was alone. I would cry thinking about my next move and my future.
One of my dreams was to make a big score, leave and come back a millionaire to prove the people wrong, that I wasn't really a piece of shit, that I had just lost my way. At 48 years old I'm not a millionaire and I don't have a show or a mansion but I'm going back with me, that's the most important thing.
Next week when I go home I'll look around at all the things that made me. The Deli's and the schools I went to, the corners I hung out at, my old house, my mothers grave and the place were her bar used to be. And remember the good times and not think of the bad times because there are really no bad times at home, it was all apart of us growing up, insecurities and all.
Thank you for reading and have a great week! Much love and Stay Black!
P.S. While I'm in the New York area I'll be performing one night March 22nd at The Bitter End at 9PM! Come out and say hello! I'll also be at The Comedy Club in Webster New York March 24th -26th