What's happening beautiful people? How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people? I just had to say that. Hope everyone is alive and ticking. its August can you believe it? Time flies when your having fun. I went back to WeightWatchers yesterday to try and figure out this new point system but its a pain in the ass. I went back not because the diet wasn't working but because I'm ready for the next level. I went from 405 to 280 but in the pictures I looked sickly and my head looked huge, which it is. Who you kidding? So I decided to go back because so many people inquire about it I felt maybe we could lose the weight together like fucking mo-mo's! So I'm going to go down from 295 to 250 with you guys as my witness. Lets do this Bitches!
In 94' when I was getting going with comedy. I was living in New York and decided to move back to Boulder to give it a go. I loved the comedy scene in New York at the time for my level but I was starting to slip and I could'nt take a bust for something stupid at this point in my life. I was also a Father going through a horrible divorce. I decided that I was going to go back, be a father and get my comedy career going. I moved back in late November and started my quest. I got a job selling cars and at night I went to every redneck bar in Denver and did comedy. I was barely getting by. I had my daughter on Wednesday and every other Sunday and I was happy with that. I would always do comedy especially on those nights because when I'd drop her off I'd be broken hearted. So I would take my pain and anger out on the mike. I wasn't good but my energy was entertaining and my stage presense was off the charts.
In early 95' things started moving. I had like 18 minutes of solid material and believe it or not, I was getting work. I was from Jersey and had an accent so I was sort of a novelty on the scene. One day I get a call to do a showcase at the Denver Comedy Works. It was on a Tuesday night during the open mike. I think the guys name was Tim Testa. He was a great guy. I would get spots every other Tuesday and that was fine with me. I started hanging out more and more and I started getting star spots on Wednesday and Thursday nights which wasn't bad. I took a bus from Boulder to Denver and back it was fun.
So here I was, my comedy was going great and my other life, fatherhood was in the toilet. I loved my daughter but it was tough. There was always a problem or I had done this or I had done that and don't get me wrong at the time, I was a one man wrecking crew. I was snorting and doing returns at department stores to make a living. It was sad but I was slowly putting it together. At the time, I had nothing but after 16 years, I was getting me back with something other than drugs or crime, it was called, Comedy. You write, you go out, you work and you go out the next night and do it again, the old fashioned way. I was seeing results. If I worked hard enough I could stop doing petty crimes and have a life for the first time even if I was 32 years old at the time.
I became part of a scene. Comedians would invite me to there homes for parties. I was something other than a criminal, in those days I didn't talk about it like I do now. I was a fucking prude then. I thought if people knew they would'nt trust me or even like me so I would'nt say a fucking word then. One night I'm doing a Wednesday night star spot and for some reason or another I crush. I was fucking shock! The booker at the time was a sweet lady named, Wendy. She approached me and told me she loved it and that she was going to showcase me for weekend spots. All this in front of a comedian who I considered a friend. We spoke on the phone, did shows together, drove to gigs together and we even had plans to go cross country and showcase at different venues. He hears this and smiles, we high five or some shit and we move on. I really liked him. I can't remember his name, it was an Irish last name or something. Before I wrote this I hit a few guys up from that time to see if any body remembered but nobody did.
One night about a week later. We're at The Comedy works after a show and some comics are hanging out drinking, laughing. An open mike girl who was cute and sassy came by, she was flirty and always kind of loose but no one slept with her that type of girl. I knew her, she was nice. She saw me and if you've ever been there, it goes down on a slope, like a hill into a small theatre. I was in the back getting something or another. When I walk out she see's me and inocently runs down at me and jumps up at me. My immediate reaction was to catch her. When she lands my hands land in a certain position on her ass cheeks. Nine out of ten that would be everyones reaction. We hugged, she kissed me hello and that was that. Everyone was there and everyone saw it. About a week goes by. Wendy is giving me spots that week on Wednesday and Thursday, I'm exited as fuck. Wednesday morning I get a call from Wendy and she tells me that the girl called or showed up and said that I had grabbed her ass in a sexual way. That she had contacted their attorneys so I was now banned from the club. I sat there in complete disbelief. It took me years to get my life together and now this. There were 2 other clubs in the area but this was the premiere club. If you want to be at the top you have to hang and learn from the best, this was that place.
I went into a depression. I had nothing. My life with my daughter sucked that was going no where fast. I lived in a small studio Rocky apartment. I had a beat up car. I had no family, I had nothing but myself........myself. I thought about my next move. I had nothing to stay there for, and the funny thing, it was that comic who was my friend who talked the girl into talking to Wendy. It was fucked up. In my eyes I was done. Was I?
I was walking around with a ton of anger in my heart then. I was shafted by my step dad after my Mother died, I was shafted by my wife, now this. The world was against me. The worst thoughts came into my head. I was going to ice my wife, her new boyfriend, and my plan was to do life in prison but at the same time write jokes for Jay Leno. Now I was going to add this fucking rat to my list and go away forever. I would stay up at night snorting coke and by the end of the night I would be there crying with my nose dripping thinking about giving up. Was this it?
I thought about it and I came up with a compromise. I wasn't going to kill anyone and throw away a life. From the results I had seen I knew in my heart if I kept working I would get funnier and funnier and one day I would show them. For years Rogan would go to Denver and he would ask about bringing Joe Diaz and they would say I was banned for Sexual Harrasment, do you have any idea how embarrasing that is. I'm a thief, piece of shit street guy, I've done a lot of bad things in my life but a sexual predator........Stop it! I was raised by s fucking strong woman, so yes I fucked up and I get thrown out, and yes I was in the gutter and yes I was going to kill motherfuckers and yes! Here I am! 20 years later showing you motherfuckers that when your back is against the wall, its in our nature, thats when animals do there best work! Thats what it means to keep pushing. Today I laugh and guess what, even though their nice people and all, they pushed the wrong fucking person because here I am telling you, anything is fucking possible and again I don't have my own TV show and I'm far from rich or famous but nobody ever talks about being happy because you proved your motherfucking point!
Thank you for reading, people and situations are going to get in your way. Take a good luck, put your goggles on and fuck them! You could take everything from a person but you can't take their heart! Much love, have a good week and Stay Black!
See you August 10th at The Brea Improv! MadFlavorWorld launching tonight get ready!
August 13th Milwaukee
August 19th-20th Scottsdale
August 25th San Jose Improv...........Banana Bread Thursday 8PM
About Me
- madflavor
- I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Street Survivor
Whats happening beautiful people? I know, I know, but between the Banana bread and other writing commitments sometimes I tend to neglect one of the things I enjoy the most, which is writing these things. Its an exercise for me but they mean the world to me because I just don't want to write something, I want to give you a piece of me in 6 minutes or less and sometimes its hard.
When I first moved to Givernaud Terrace back in 73', one of my first friends was Dominick Speciale. He was Sicilian, medium build, blond hair, blue eyes, he didn't look it, he looked like a surfer. He was funny and crazy so we got along. At first we did kid things like sports and light mischief. We lifted weights together and went to sports camps together, one in particular was, 'Offense, Defense Football camp". The host was Jack Lambert and Jack Ham, it was a blast. We both came backed changed kids.
By the time we were in the 8th grade, we were inseparable. Another passion we shared was music. We bought albums then traded them, it was great. We were getting older and curious so we would chip in from time to time and get booze. First "Boones Farm", then we moved on to beer, then hard booze. We went through the pukes together all that shit you go through when you first get into that world.
One day we decided to try marijuana. We had woods behind our house in those days which led you right to a poolhall-bowling alley. It was a dream come true. We would smoke then sit in the woods till you came down then we either went right to the bowling alley where they served chocolate milk or we'd walk down to Tonnelle Avenue diner and laugh at the waitress, thats how young we were.
Towards the end of the 8th grade, we had one of our own die towards the end of the school year. It pushed us in a way, I didn't know then but I know now. In those days there were no school psychologist on staff, in New Jersey? Please! We roughed it out on are own. That summer we started experimenting with some crazy shit. They called it THC Crystal. It was a powder that you snorted. They said that if you took the stems from weed and boiled it the powder was the end result. You bought it in 10$ packages. It would fuck you up.
At first, we would split a 10$ sack between 5 of us. The high lasted like 5 hours, We would get high and walk around till we came down. Then we started getting crazier. We would snort a sack between 3 of us, down from the 5 people in previous highs, and go into New York City and fuck around big time. We would start on 42nd Street and walk a while going into peep shows and trying to buy drugs from street hustlers then we'd take a train to the Village and smoke dope in the park with strangers and we'd go to Bleeker Street and buy music, we were 13 years old for Christ sake, a thousand things could have happened. We'd also take trains into Harlem to try to score "Chocolate Thai" weed. We had some close calls with people trying to beat us but in the end we'd always get home.
My parents were never home in those days so we'd end up at my house. We'd listen to the albums that we had just bought. I still remember listening to Zeppelin 2 and 3, Black Sabbath Paranoid, Rolling Stone's, "Get Your Ya-Ya's Out, The Beatles, "Rubber Soul", and "Help". But the album that sticks out the most, that blew our fucking mind, that just made my head want to blow the THC Crystal out of my ears was definately "Street Survivors" . That was a masterpiece! I just wanted to move to the South and get a cowboy hat and a gun and shoot people, thats a whole different story.
By this time we were in High School and we were trying to be athletes, so we kept our drug use to Sundays only. THC was being sold in our hood, we didn't have to go to Union City to get it. Some of the older guys that hung at 38th street park had it. I had started fucking around with acid also so it just wasn't the T as we called it. The Summer going into sophmore year, I got a lung infection, I was in the hospital for 15 days. I asked the Doc if I could smoke, he told me nothing to affect my lungs. So I gave reefer and the THC crystal a break and focused on acid for a while.
That November my Mom died and I went off the deep end after that. Dominic and I were still close but since we didn't live next to each other anymore so we hung in different circles. He started hanging out more and more at the poolhall with the older guys, the same guys that sold the THC. I was uptown doing blow and eating qualudes at this point. On Sundays the guys from the poolhall would go to a lake. They would get some beers, some food, music and just do some old fashion partying. I went to a couple of them but I didn't like the idea of being stuck out there with a bunch of drunk guys so I stopped going, besides they were older and they treated us weird.
By this point, I was still doing the T from time to time. But I found out this wasn't THC, it was a mixture with angel dust and horse tranquilizer, that really wasn't what I wanted to fuck with. It was Summer we were getting ready to become Juniors. One Monday morning I wake up to a phone call, Dominic had drowned. I wasn't there but I knew what had happened in my heart. When the smoke cleared I was right. He had done T and something went wrong. People started pointing fingers but who cared? He was gone.
About 5 years ago, I was on Tom Leykus and we were taking calls and one of the guys points to me, I had a call. It was a woman with a Jersey accent, she said Coco you might not remember me but I'm Vita, Dominics little sister. Sure I remember you! We exchanged numbers and got together. It was amazing. She came to my wedding and since then she's become family. Shortly after we met, she told me she had a dream. It was about her brother, they were sitting eating and in the middle of taking a bite he looked at her and told her to tell Coco to write the book. She said she hadn't dreamt about him in a long time. That he looked how he would have looked today. I took the dream to heart and started writing, not a book but about everything.
Till this day, I don't remember any of the details of his funeral. Not the wake, or were it was at, or wheres he's burried, nothing. I guess I was in so much pain at the time, it was like an emotional blackout. I have a picture of Dominic on a book shelf along with the other brothers I lost along the way and believe it or not, I honor them every Monday. I light a candle and sit there and think about what there lives would have been like if they lived. I also think about my life and how I have to make it mean something because of the things they could never accomplish or get to do, thats where I get my strength.
The funny thing is, our favorite song on that album was, "That Smell" and the funnier thing is the name of the album is, "Street Survivor", exactly what I've become! Life works in mysterious ways!
Thank you for taking the time and have a Great week!
Most important.....................Stay Black!
When I first moved to Givernaud Terrace back in 73', one of my first friends was Dominick Speciale. He was Sicilian, medium build, blond hair, blue eyes, he didn't look it, he looked like a surfer. He was funny and crazy so we got along. At first we did kid things like sports and light mischief. We lifted weights together and went to sports camps together, one in particular was, 'Offense, Defense Football camp". The host was Jack Lambert and Jack Ham, it was a blast. We both came backed changed kids.
By the time we were in the 8th grade, we were inseparable. Another passion we shared was music. We bought albums then traded them, it was great. We were getting older and curious so we would chip in from time to time and get booze. First "Boones Farm", then we moved on to beer, then hard booze. We went through the pukes together all that shit you go through when you first get into that world.
One day we decided to try marijuana. We had woods behind our house in those days which led you right to a poolhall-bowling alley. It was a dream come true. We would smoke then sit in the woods till you came down then we either went right to the bowling alley where they served chocolate milk or we'd walk down to Tonnelle Avenue diner and laugh at the waitress, thats how young we were.
Towards the end of the 8th grade, we had one of our own die towards the end of the school year. It pushed us in a way, I didn't know then but I know now. In those days there were no school psychologist on staff, in New Jersey? Please! We roughed it out on are own. That summer we started experimenting with some crazy shit. They called it THC Crystal. It was a powder that you snorted. They said that if you took the stems from weed and boiled it the powder was the end result. You bought it in 10$ packages. It would fuck you up.
At first, we would split a 10$ sack between 5 of us. The high lasted like 5 hours, We would get high and walk around till we came down. Then we started getting crazier. We would snort a sack between 3 of us, down from the 5 people in previous highs, and go into New York City and fuck around big time. We would start on 42nd Street and walk a while going into peep shows and trying to buy drugs from street hustlers then we'd take a train to the Village and smoke dope in the park with strangers and we'd go to Bleeker Street and buy music, we were 13 years old for Christ sake, a thousand things could have happened. We'd also take trains into Harlem to try to score "Chocolate Thai" weed. We had some close calls with people trying to beat us but in the end we'd always get home.
My parents were never home in those days so we'd end up at my house. We'd listen to the albums that we had just bought. I still remember listening to Zeppelin 2 and 3, Black Sabbath Paranoid, Rolling Stone's, "Get Your Ya-Ya's Out, The Beatles, "Rubber Soul", and "Help". But the album that sticks out the most, that blew our fucking mind, that just made my head want to blow the THC Crystal out of my ears was definately "Street Survivors" . That was a masterpiece! I just wanted to move to the South and get a cowboy hat and a gun and shoot people, thats a whole different story.
By this time we were in High School and we were trying to be athletes, so we kept our drug use to Sundays only. THC was being sold in our hood, we didn't have to go to Union City to get it. Some of the older guys that hung at 38th street park had it. I had started fucking around with acid also so it just wasn't the T as we called it. The Summer going into sophmore year, I got a lung infection, I was in the hospital for 15 days. I asked the Doc if I could smoke, he told me nothing to affect my lungs. So I gave reefer and the THC crystal a break and focused on acid for a while.
That November my Mom died and I went off the deep end after that. Dominic and I were still close but since we didn't live next to each other anymore so we hung in different circles. He started hanging out more and more at the poolhall with the older guys, the same guys that sold the THC. I was uptown doing blow and eating qualudes at this point. On Sundays the guys from the poolhall would go to a lake. They would get some beers, some food, music and just do some old fashion partying. I went to a couple of them but I didn't like the idea of being stuck out there with a bunch of drunk guys so I stopped going, besides they were older and they treated us weird.
By this point, I was still doing the T from time to time. But I found out this wasn't THC, it was a mixture with angel dust and horse tranquilizer, that really wasn't what I wanted to fuck with. It was Summer we were getting ready to become Juniors. One Monday morning I wake up to a phone call, Dominic had drowned. I wasn't there but I knew what had happened in my heart. When the smoke cleared I was right. He had done T and something went wrong. People started pointing fingers but who cared? He was gone.
About 5 years ago, I was on Tom Leykus and we were taking calls and one of the guys points to me, I had a call. It was a woman with a Jersey accent, she said Coco you might not remember me but I'm Vita, Dominics little sister. Sure I remember you! We exchanged numbers and got together. It was amazing. She came to my wedding and since then she's become family. Shortly after we met, she told me she had a dream. It was about her brother, they were sitting eating and in the middle of taking a bite he looked at her and told her to tell Coco to write the book. She said she hadn't dreamt about him in a long time. That he looked how he would have looked today. I took the dream to heart and started writing, not a book but about everything.
Till this day, I don't remember any of the details of his funeral. Not the wake, or were it was at, or wheres he's burried, nothing. I guess I was in so much pain at the time, it was like an emotional blackout. I have a picture of Dominic on a book shelf along with the other brothers I lost along the way and believe it or not, I honor them every Monday. I light a candle and sit there and think about what there lives would have been like if they lived. I also think about my life and how I have to make it mean something because of the things they could never accomplish or get to do, thats where I get my strength.
The funny thing is, our favorite song on that album was, "That Smell" and the funnier thing is the name of the album is, "Street Survivor", exactly what I've become! Life works in mysterious ways!
Thank you for taking the time and have a Great week!
Most important.....................Stay Black!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
"THE GODFATHER"
Hello beautiful people! Hope your 4th was tremendous and safe. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I've been busy with other bullshit but now I'm ready so lets do this. Movies have always inspired me. People say that there just a form of entertainment but there are certain movies that just hit us a certain way.
I remember going to see "The Godfather" for the first time. I left that movie theatre floating. Not because of the killings or the Sicilian chics titties or Marlon Brando. It was the Wedding scene, when Michael and Kaye are sitting down and Tom Hagen walks over and Michael introduces them. When he leaves she asked Michael, if they were brothers why did they have different last names? Michael told him that one day Sonny found him on the street and he had no home and no family, so he brought him home. WOW! Can I do that?
I ran home and told my mother the story. I asked her if I could bring home a kid that didn't have a family? She told me yes! If I could find one. I was an only child that always wanted a brother, so the search was on. I was looking for a tough Irish kid. After a few months of asking around, I got nothing. I thought, fuck it! I'll just go for any nationality, whats the difference, I need a brother. By the time I was thirtenn, I gave up.
Something was going on around me though. I was becoming tight with different kids in the neighborhood. I was always at different homes eating, swimming and shooting hoops. My Mom did her thing and I did mine. Then one day my Mom dies. I'm fifteen. I really had no family and they were scattered. I had an Uncle in California, a Godfather in Miami and my Dad in Union City, but I was set in my ways. I had grown up in North Bergen and thats were I was staying. I considered just staying at my Moms house but my step Dad started with the who's going to pay for the mortgage bullshit. I had money but not that type of money.
I figured I'd deal with it after the funeral. The first family to approach me was The Avillo's. There Dad had just died. There were 3 boys and I got along with all of them, till today Steven is one of my tightest friends because of that. But I had issues. I had been on my own for so long that I didn't think I could stick to a curfew. I was an only child, I had everything in my room. An air conditioner, my own colored TV with cable. I had nice carpeting plus my own bed, plus I came and went when I pleased, who was going to deal with it? This other family asked also, the Garcia's, nice people, but I would have to share a room, I was holding out for a top draft pick. The Balzano's were the obvious choice. I had basically lived in there house. Years earlier there son had passed but I still remained close. They had a nice home and all but Carmine was strict. I told him I would get back to him.
There was this one family I was tight with also. They were, The Benders. The kid I hung out with was John. Years earlier he had beaten me up and after that we became friends. He was the first kid in the hood who had an underground pool. I had a pool but it was above ground. I would go over there everyday. Afterwards I would stick around and clean up a bit while everyone else would leave. I had a pool and knew how it was, people would come over and leave a mess. They way I looked at it, I could go over there when ever I wanted, why ruin that?
One day the Dad said something about it, how I would stay. Shortly after, we became friends. He would ask if I'd go to the track with him? I would ask, what about your other boys? He would tell me they didn't want to go. How weird? I didn't have a Father but if I did, I would go to the track everyday with him. I started going with him. He would give me dough and teach me how to cash winning tickets for people and get 10% of their earnings, Mr. Bender was very cool. He dug me but his wife hated me. I would go in and eat and it would drive her crazy. I'd fill up a big bowl of pasta with meatballs, and she would look at me and say, Good Country America! It bothered me but it didn't.
The last night of my Moms wake I'm standing there by the casket thinking to myself. I was thinking about my life and how I now was alone and of all the lessons she taught me to get me ready for this day. While I'm standing there ready to break down, someone whispers in my ear, I'm here for you Coco! I know people have been asking you to live with them, it would break my heart if you didn't come and live with us, as a family. It was Jimmy Bender aka Mr. Big.
Right there at that moment I remembered the scene from "The Godfather" and thought to myself, someone is bringing me home! Fucking Amazing! Thank you for reading. This is the story from my One Man Show. I hope you enjoyed it and got something out of it.
See you Tomorrow @ The Irvine Improv for Banana Bread Thursday @ 8PM........Much Love and Stay Black!!!!!!
I remember going to see "The Godfather" for the first time. I left that movie theatre floating. Not because of the killings or the Sicilian chics titties or Marlon Brando. It was the Wedding scene, when Michael and Kaye are sitting down and Tom Hagen walks over and Michael introduces them. When he leaves she asked Michael, if they were brothers why did they have different last names? Michael told him that one day Sonny found him on the street and he had no home and no family, so he brought him home. WOW! Can I do that?
I ran home and told my mother the story. I asked her if I could bring home a kid that didn't have a family? She told me yes! If I could find one. I was an only child that always wanted a brother, so the search was on. I was looking for a tough Irish kid. After a few months of asking around, I got nothing. I thought, fuck it! I'll just go for any nationality, whats the difference, I need a brother. By the time I was thirtenn, I gave up.
Something was going on around me though. I was becoming tight with different kids in the neighborhood. I was always at different homes eating, swimming and shooting hoops. My Mom did her thing and I did mine. Then one day my Mom dies. I'm fifteen. I really had no family and they were scattered. I had an Uncle in California, a Godfather in Miami and my Dad in Union City, but I was set in my ways. I had grown up in North Bergen and thats were I was staying. I considered just staying at my Moms house but my step Dad started with the who's going to pay for the mortgage bullshit. I had money but not that type of money.
I figured I'd deal with it after the funeral. The first family to approach me was The Avillo's. There Dad had just died. There were 3 boys and I got along with all of them, till today Steven is one of my tightest friends because of that. But I had issues. I had been on my own for so long that I didn't think I could stick to a curfew. I was an only child, I had everything in my room. An air conditioner, my own colored TV with cable. I had nice carpeting plus my own bed, plus I came and went when I pleased, who was going to deal with it? This other family asked also, the Garcia's, nice people, but I would have to share a room, I was holding out for a top draft pick. The Balzano's were the obvious choice. I had basically lived in there house. Years earlier there son had passed but I still remained close. They had a nice home and all but Carmine was strict. I told him I would get back to him.
There was this one family I was tight with also. They were, The Benders. The kid I hung out with was John. Years earlier he had beaten me up and after that we became friends. He was the first kid in the hood who had an underground pool. I had a pool but it was above ground. I would go over there everyday. Afterwards I would stick around and clean up a bit while everyone else would leave. I had a pool and knew how it was, people would come over and leave a mess. They way I looked at it, I could go over there when ever I wanted, why ruin that?
One day the Dad said something about it, how I would stay. Shortly after, we became friends. He would ask if I'd go to the track with him? I would ask, what about your other boys? He would tell me they didn't want to go. How weird? I didn't have a Father but if I did, I would go to the track everyday with him. I started going with him. He would give me dough and teach me how to cash winning tickets for people and get 10% of their earnings, Mr. Bender was very cool. He dug me but his wife hated me. I would go in and eat and it would drive her crazy. I'd fill up a big bowl of pasta with meatballs, and she would look at me and say, Good Country America! It bothered me but it didn't.
The last night of my Moms wake I'm standing there by the casket thinking to myself. I was thinking about my life and how I now was alone and of all the lessons she taught me to get me ready for this day. While I'm standing there ready to break down, someone whispers in my ear, I'm here for you Coco! I know people have been asking you to live with them, it would break my heart if you didn't come and live with us, as a family. It was Jimmy Bender aka Mr. Big.
Right there at that moment I remembered the scene from "The Godfather" and thought to myself, someone is bringing me home! Fucking Amazing! Thank you for reading. This is the story from my One Man Show. I hope you enjoyed it and got something out of it.
See you Tomorrow @ The Irvine Improv for Banana Bread Thursday @ 8PM........Much Love and Stay Black!!!!!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
KEEPING YOURSELF IN CHECK!
What's happening beautiful people? It's the first day of Summer, can you believe it? Time is flying by! When you were a kid and wanted to get older, the days dragged on forever! Now that we're older and time is running out we want the day to go by slower than a motherfucker. I never thought that I would be one of those people that would say, I wish I can go back with what I know now, good luck! That's what living is about, and at one point you put it all together. You realize that the money and the bullshit aren't really what you were seeking, it was happiness. The ability to think clearly and feel positive about yourself. The ability to feel that if a fucked up situation arises your prepared. In a way you look forward to a bump in the road because you'll now handle it in a different manner, not the manner you would handle something when you were twenty.
Last night I was sitting on my porch realizing how lucky I was. I'm happy, I have great friends, I'm not rich but I have my health. I thought about my wife and my cats and the happiness they bring me then in the middle of my euphoric mindfuck I remembered a dark time. A time of confusion and pain in my life. It was the first time I thought I was rreally going to die and in a way, I wanted to.
In 1984 I was 21 years old and at the time, I was OK. I lived in a 2 bedroom condo in Snowmass Village Colorado. I had a job, I was back in School part time at Colorado Mountain College and for the first time since my mothers death, things were looking up. Don't get me wrong, I was still scamming like a motherfucker but it was controlled. For some reason or another, something wasn't right. I felt that I was rough around the edges when I got to Colorado and now that I had stepped back for a few months I was ready to go back to North Bergen and take it to the next level. Why? I had everything in Colorado. The truth was that I felt I was missing something.
So I gave my roommate Jimmy a couple months rent with the promise that I would be back in a month. Deep down in my heart, I knew that was a lie. The minute I got off the plane, the party started. I picked up right were I left off. I went through the money I saved in about a week. I got a job working as a warehouseman got a girlfriend and fell right into the North Beegen lifestyle. Working, drinking, snorting and having a good time. It really wasn't a good time, something was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I had this sadness in my soul. When my mom died, I was 15. I was busy. I was in school, I played sports, I had a girlfriend, I partied, all the things to distract me from the pain. After 6 years, the pain was getting to be unbearable. It was hitting me, in reality, it was time to pay the piper. For years I swept my sorrow and anger under a carpet, and now it was catching up to me. I went from doing a half of a gram a weekend to a half ounce a night. Before long, I lost my job, my girlfriend and the place where I was living. I had become a Nomad!
I had bags of clothes in different peoples houses. My headquarters was a bar. I would be there all day waiting for people to come in with different scams to fuel my addiction. I lost everything I had in 6 months just like that. I would sleep when I could. One or two nights a week I would get a hotel room. One night I would sleep at a friends and the other nights. I just ended up were ever the blow would finish then deal with it. I was a fucking mess.
The particular night I was thinking about was a cold night after Thanksgiving. I was walking around, it was fucking freezing and I was tired. It was about 4AM and I thought about a friend who had a mattress in his basement.I broke into the side window and crawled in. I remember taking a dirty blanket from the laundry pile and going into the back room where the mattress was. There was no heat. I was shaking, I was hungry. I remember thinking about how I had come to this. I couldn't believe this was happening. I broke down and started to cry hard, with this fury that I had never felt before in my life. I remember wanting to kill myself at that moment but I was too tired. I made up my mind. I was going to catch a few hours, wake up, get something to eat, then I was going to walk up to the George Washington Bridge and jump.
That was my plan. I could sleep now because I had a mission and all this was going to end. I layed down and closed my eyes. As I lay there ready to drift off, I smelled something. What was it? I opened my eyes and right there 2 inches from my face was the oldest, brownest, biggest peice of shit I ever saw! They had a dog that would slip downstairs from time to time. I remember wanting to cry, but I was too tired for that to. I just passed out!
Thats what came to my mind last night when I was feeling good about myself. I tried to end the memory but it played and yes I laughed because a piece of dog shit as the cherry to your horrible evening is always funny. Why did I think of that story? I guess my mind put it in there as a reminder. You always have to check yourself no matter whats going on, bad or good. It will add meaning to whatever situation your feeling. Some people say to forget the bad things and put them behind you, I disagree. Keep them close by as a reminder of how quick things could change in your life.
Thank you for reading and for all the support. Without you guys, I wouldn't have much!
By the way, the taping of "Standup Revolution" went great! Gabrial Iglesias is a great man and a great comedian. He remembered all his friends! Sometimes in life, thats what its all about. If he ever comes to your town or to a venue close by please by all means go see him and support because he's one of us! A soldier!
Have a great week! But most importantly..........STAY BLACK!!!
Last night I was sitting on my porch realizing how lucky I was. I'm happy, I have great friends, I'm not rich but I have my health. I thought about my wife and my cats and the happiness they bring me then in the middle of my euphoric mindfuck I remembered a dark time. A time of confusion and pain in my life. It was the first time I thought I was rreally going to die and in a way, I wanted to.
In 1984 I was 21 years old and at the time, I was OK. I lived in a 2 bedroom condo in Snowmass Village Colorado. I had a job, I was back in School part time at Colorado Mountain College and for the first time since my mothers death, things were looking up. Don't get me wrong, I was still scamming like a motherfucker but it was controlled. For some reason or another, something wasn't right. I felt that I was rough around the edges when I got to Colorado and now that I had stepped back for a few months I was ready to go back to North Bergen and take it to the next level. Why? I had everything in Colorado. The truth was that I felt I was missing something.
So I gave my roommate Jimmy a couple months rent with the promise that I would be back in a month. Deep down in my heart, I knew that was a lie. The minute I got off the plane, the party started. I picked up right were I left off. I went through the money I saved in about a week. I got a job working as a warehouseman got a girlfriend and fell right into the North Beegen lifestyle. Working, drinking, snorting and having a good time. It really wasn't a good time, something was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I had this sadness in my soul. When my mom died, I was 15. I was busy. I was in school, I played sports, I had a girlfriend, I partied, all the things to distract me from the pain. After 6 years, the pain was getting to be unbearable. It was hitting me, in reality, it was time to pay the piper. For years I swept my sorrow and anger under a carpet, and now it was catching up to me. I went from doing a half of a gram a weekend to a half ounce a night. Before long, I lost my job, my girlfriend and the place where I was living. I had become a Nomad!
I had bags of clothes in different peoples houses. My headquarters was a bar. I would be there all day waiting for people to come in with different scams to fuel my addiction. I lost everything I had in 6 months just like that. I would sleep when I could. One or two nights a week I would get a hotel room. One night I would sleep at a friends and the other nights. I just ended up were ever the blow would finish then deal with it. I was a fucking mess.
The particular night I was thinking about was a cold night after Thanksgiving. I was walking around, it was fucking freezing and I was tired. It was about 4AM and I thought about a friend who had a mattress in his basement.I broke into the side window and crawled in. I remember taking a dirty blanket from the laundry pile and going into the back room where the mattress was. There was no heat. I was shaking, I was hungry. I remember thinking about how I had come to this. I couldn't believe this was happening. I broke down and started to cry hard, with this fury that I had never felt before in my life. I remember wanting to kill myself at that moment but I was too tired. I made up my mind. I was going to catch a few hours, wake up, get something to eat, then I was going to walk up to the George Washington Bridge and jump.
That was my plan. I could sleep now because I had a mission and all this was going to end. I layed down and closed my eyes. As I lay there ready to drift off, I smelled something. What was it? I opened my eyes and right there 2 inches from my face was the oldest, brownest, biggest peice of shit I ever saw! They had a dog that would slip downstairs from time to time. I remember wanting to cry, but I was too tired for that to. I just passed out!
Thats what came to my mind last night when I was feeling good about myself. I tried to end the memory but it played and yes I laughed because a piece of dog shit as the cherry to your horrible evening is always funny. Why did I think of that story? I guess my mind put it in there as a reminder. You always have to check yourself no matter whats going on, bad or good. It will add meaning to whatever situation your feeling. Some people say to forget the bad things and put them behind you, I disagree. Keep them close by as a reminder of how quick things could change in your life.
Thank you for reading and for all the support. Without you guys, I wouldn't have much!
By the way, the taping of "Standup Revolution" went great! Gabrial Iglesias is a great man and a great comedian. He remembered all his friends! Sometimes in life, thats what its all about. If he ever comes to your town or to a venue close by please by all means go see him and support because he's one of us! A soldier!
Have a great week! But most importantly..........STAY BLACK!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
GETTING IT TOGETHER!: 20 YEARS AND COUNTING!
GETTING IT TOGETHER!: 20 YEARS AND COUNTING!: " Happy Monday! It's a beautiful day to be alive! I really do love Mondays because it feels like you get a new lease o..."
20 YEARS AND COUNTING!
Happy Monday! It's a beautiful day to be alive! I really do love Mondays because it feels like you get a new lease on life. I love getting up early, smoking a number and planning out my goals for the week. This week is a special week for me in a way because 20 years ago this Saturday, I did something that changed my life forever.
In 1989 I came out of prison and checked in to a halfway house in Boulder. I was free. From the moment I left that hole I knew I wasn't going back and I had to get my life in order. I got a job selling cars and played the game for a while. In June that year I got my girlfriend pregnant so I made plans to get married that september. I needed cash so I went back to what I knew best, Hustling. I continued to sell cars but I started selling blow again, right there in the halfway house. I also started to loanshark because you had to pay rent on Thursday so you could have a furlough that weekend, so there I was getting 102.00 for 85.00 it was great. I had about 20 clients.
Right before I got married I got this feeling that I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do with my life. Yes, I was making money but I just wasn't happy. I wanted more out of life. I knew construction so I got a job as a roofer for my inlaws. I loved it. I was outside in the sun and I was having fun. Eventually I got a promotion to become an estimator and I was on my way. I did that for a year but I knew there was more out of life. You work all week then on Saturdays and Sundays you hang with your family and your inlaws and thats it. Once a year you go on vacation and see Mickey Mouse and thats it till I'm 65, thats what your trying to tell me. I couldn't believe it.
I really wanted more. I was bored. I wanted action. I tried everything. I meditated, I went and got confirmed at 28 because I thought I needed the Holy Spirit in my life, that didn't work. Then one afternoon it was raining and I was home watching TV and the movie "Punchline" came on. I remember sitting there thinking my head was going to explode. This is what I wanted to do. I had a bunch of Richard Pryor albums, plus people had always told me to try Stand up because I was funny. But the biggest confidence builder I had was my time in the can because on Thursday nights before movie night the invicts would make me go up and say a few things while they were getting the projecter ready. I would go off about the prison and some of the guys, it was great. So I knew I could do it.
I thought about it for a while and changed my mind. It was just a dream. About a week later, I'm in a diner having breakfast and I decide to pick up the paper and see what was happening. In the entertainment section they had a story about Standup comedy and how to start a career doing it. I wrote down the number to a 3 week course they were offering. I called the number and enrolled. The class was great. At the end you had to do a 2 minute performance. When I was walking out the teacher pulled me over and told me to pursue it. That was February. I knew what I had to do but couldn't pull the trigger.
A new Comedy Club was opening up in Westminster Colorado named, "Wits End" and they were looking for help. I got a job as a doorman. I watched the acts and asked questions, never telling anyone of my secret dream. I would call the other comedy club in Denver and sign up for the open mike but when the date came I would call and cancel with some excuse. By this time, I was fucking miserable. I hated my job, I hated being married. I hated my life but most importantly, I hated me. What had become of my balls. I could kidnap people and shake people down and play gangster but I couldn't and wouldn't go on stage because I was scared. Finally I talked myself into it. On June 18th 1991, I decided to try it. Even though I hated my wife at the time she came down for support.
I got up there. It was scary but after the first laugh, I loosened up. I walked off that stage and I realized that this was it. That feeling of being scared, then being happy, your adrenaline pumping it was amazing, I remember walking off stage and looking at my wifes face. She saw something different in me. I had finally found something other than drugs. I found peace in a way because at the moment I realized what I wanted to do, the mystery was over.
Here I was with everything I thought I wanted out of life, a family, a good job, money, security. It didn't fill the void. Happinees is everything, your happiness. Shortly after that we got separated and divorced. I lost my job with her family, she took my furniture, even my spoons and forks. I was left with a mattress and a VCR, thats it. I remember sitting there in this empty room. Thinking had I made a mistake, but knowing that I'd be OK because I had found my calling. I had to start all over again. That was October of 91'
I fucked around for a few years then in October of 94, I decided to take control of my career and go for it. The reason I wrote about this today is because I come in contact with so many people who are lost because they don't know what they want to do with there life and even when they find out they don't know or are too scared to get started. Sometimes we know something will change our life but we choose to avoid it. Fuck it! At least give it a try. I put my pants on one leg at a time like the rest of you. I'm not special I was just dumb enough to try it. Do me a favor, think about what I wrote. I had what every man wants but that wasn't enough. Sometimes its better to want then to have. I'm not rich, I'm not very successful. I don't have a TV show but I have me. And I've had me for 20 years now thanks to that night.
This Saturday night I'll be taping, "Stand Up Revolution" for Gabrial Eglesias in Arizona at Stand Up Phoenix. Look at the date, June 18th! 20 years later it paid off. I don't know of Comedy Central will use my set but it doesn't matter, because the gambled paid off and even if it didn't I still took the chance, I gambled on myself! The most important bet you'll ever make!
Have a great week and thank you for taking the time..........Much Love but most importantly............Stay Black!
In 1989 I came out of prison and checked in to a halfway house in Boulder. I was free. From the moment I left that hole I knew I wasn't going back and I had to get my life in order. I got a job selling cars and played the game for a while. In June that year I got my girlfriend pregnant so I made plans to get married that september. I needed cash so I went back to what I knew best, Hustling. I continued to sell cars but I started selling blow again, right there in the halfway house. I also started to loanshark because you had to pay rent on Thursday so you could have a furlough that weekend, so there I was getting 102.00 for 85.00 it was great. I had about 20 clients.
Right before I got married I got this feeling that I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do with my life. Yes, I was making money but I just wasn't happy. I wanted more out of life. I knew construction so I got a job as a roofer for my inlaws. I loved it. I was outside in the sun and I was having fun. Eventually I got a promotion to become an estimator and I was on my way. I did that for a year but I knew there was more out of life. You work all week then on Saturdays and Sundays you hang with your family and your inlaws and thats it. Once a year you go on vacation and see Mickey Mouse and thats it till I'm 65, thats what your trying to tell me. I couldn't believe it.
I really wanted more. I was bored. I wanted action. I tried everything. I meditated, I went and got confirmed at 28 because I thought I needed the Holy Spirit in my life, that didn't work. Then one afternoon it was raining and I was home watching TV and the movie "Punchline" came on. I remember sitting there thinking my head was going to explode. This is what I wanted to do. I had a bunch of Richard Pryor albums, plus people had always told me to try Stand up because I was funny. But the biggest confidence builder I had was my time in the can because on Thursday nights before movie night the invicts would make me go up and say a few things while they were getting the projecter ready. I would go off about the prison and some of the guys, it was great. So I knew I could do it.
I thought about it for a while and changed my mind. It was just a dream. About a week later, I'm in a diner having breakfast and I decide to pick up the paper and see what was happening. In the entertainment section they had a story about Standup comedy and how to start a career doing it. I wrote down the number to a 3 week course they were offering. I called the number and enrolled. The class was great. At the end you had to do a 2 minute performance. When I was walking out the teacher pulled me over and told me to pursue it. That was February. I knew what I had to do but couldn't pull the trigger.
A new Comedy Club was opening up in Westminster Colorado named, "Wits End" and they were looking for help. I got a job as a doorman. I watched the acts and asked questions, never telling anyone of my secret dream. I would call the other comedy club in Denver and sign up for the open mike but when the date came I would call and cancel with some excuse. By this time, I was fucking miserable. I hated my job, I hated being married. I hated my life but most importantly, I hated me. What had become of my balls. I could kidnap people and shake people down and play gangster but I couldn't and wouldn't go on stage because I was scared. Finally I talked myself into it. On June 18th 1991, I decided to try it. Even though I hated my wife at the time she came down for support.
I got up there. It was scary but after the first laugh, I loosened up. I walked off that stage and I realized that this was it. That feeling of being scared, then being happy, your adrenaline pumping it was amazing, I remember walking off stage and looking at my wifes face. She saw something different in me. I had finally found something other than drugs. I found peace in a way because at the moment I realized what I wanted to do, the mystery was over.
Here I was with everything I thought I wanted out of life, a family, a good job, money, security. It didn't fill the void. Happinees is everything, your happiness. Shortly after that we got separated and divorced. I lost my job with her family, she took my furniture, even my spoons and forks. I was left with a mattress and a VCR, thats it. I remember sitting there in this empty room. Thinking had I made a mistake, but knowing that I'd be OK because I had found my calling. I had to start all over again. That was October of 91'
I fucked around for a few years then in October of 94, I decided to take control of my career and go for it. The reason I wrote about this today is because I come in contact with so many people who are lost because they don't know what they want to do with there life and even when they find out they don't know or are too scared to get started. Sometimes we know something will change our life but we choose to avoid it. Fuck it! At least give it a try. I put my pants on one leg at a time like the rest of you. I'm not special I was just dumb enough to try it. Do me a favor, think about what I wrote. I had what every man wants but that wasn't enough. Sometimes its better to want then to have. I'm not rich, I'm not very successful. I don't have a TV show but I have me. And I've had me for 20 years now thanks to that night.
This Saturday night I'll be taping, "Stand Up Revolution" for Gabrial Eglesias in Arizona at Stand Up Phoenix. Look at the date, June 18th! 20 years later it paid off. I don't know of Comedy Central will use my set but it doesn't matter, because the gambled paid off and even if it didn't I still took the chance, I gambled on myself! The most important bet you'll ever make!
Have a great week and thank you for taking the time..........Much Love but most importantly............Stay Black!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
ADDICTIONS!
What's happening beautiful people? Hope your having a great week and things are going your way. It's tough out there for a Pimp, but you've got to keep on pushing because as you know, time waits for no one. All you hear about these days are people going to rehabs or fat farms or this or that but its amazing how you can throw all these different roadblocks at people to get better but deep down inside it all ends with you and this process could be easy or it could be hard, again thats up to you.
As you know I struggled with Cocaine addiction for years. It was getting old and I knew for me rehab was not the answer. I didn't know what to do then I remembered something from my youth that gave me the answers to my problems. When I was a kid, I was hooked on pacifiers or as my mom called them, El Tete! I didn't go anywhere without them. I would be playing with kids and in the middle of the action, I would call a timeout sneak away and suck on my Te-te. I had them hidden all around the house and it was my moms and I little secret. Whenever I would do something wrong my mother would say, 'If you don't behave I'm going to tell your friends about El tete and I'd behave.
My mother was a collector of antique dolls. She had them all over the living room. She loved them dolls especially this one Japanese one that had interchangable hairdoo's. My father had brought it back for her as a gift and after he died it was sacred to my mom. I was the devil growing up. I never stopped. One of the things I did to break my moms balls was to play ball in the house. I would throw a Spaulding ball off the wall and she would go crazy. She would warn me that one day I was going to break something and she was going to break my head. I didn't listen and about a week later sure enough I broke something, her favorite doll.
I tried to glue it and fix it but it was broken. Eventually she found out but she didn't break my head. Instead she made me a deal. She told me I could pay for it with the money I earned stocking beer and cleaning bathrooms at my moms bar or I could give her all my Tetes and we would be even. That was a tough call. I was very crazy about my money back then. I would hide it and count it everyday. I wasn't about to give that up and I wasn't giving up my Tetes so we were going to have a problem. She let me sleep on it and I was to give her an answer in the morning.
When I woke up she was right there waiting for her answer. I thought long and hard. I wasn't giving up the money. So I opted for the te-tes. It was the worst day of my life. I remember walking around the house putting all my tetes in a big garbage bag. There must have been 60 of them and I cried over everyone, It was traumatizing. I remember sitting in my room thinking, How was I going to cope?
Days went by and I forgot all about my Tete, life went on. There was no rehab, no story, no hugs.that's it. Why couldn't everything be that easy? It is! I was young and there was no thinking about anything, you just did it! The decision always begins with you, deep inside. Once you tell yourself you can do something its scary. It doesn't have to be an addiction, it could be something as simple as a goal of yours that you can't seem to crack. Everybody is worried about how? The answer is always in front of you. It all begins with you! Just fucking do it! Whats all the talking about?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a great week and remember..........................Stay Black!
As you know I struggled with Cocaine addiction for years. It was getting old and I knew for me rehab was not the answer. I didn't know what to do then I remembered something from my youth that gave me the answers to my problems. When I was a kid, I was hooked on pacifiers or as my mom called them, El Tete! I didn't go anywhere without them. I would be playing with kids and in the middle of the action, I would call a timeout sneak away and suck on my Te-te. I had them hidden all around the house and it was my moms and I little secret. Whenever I would do something wrong my mother would say, 'If you don't behave I'm going to tell your friends about El tete and I'd behave.
My mother was a collector of antique dolls. She had them all over the living room. She loved them dolls especially this one Japanese one that had interchangable hairdoo's. My father had brought it back for her as a gift and after he died it was sacred to my mom. I was the devil growing up. I never stopped. One of the things I did to break my moms balls was to play ball in the house. I would throw a Spaulding ball off the wall and she would go crazy. She would warn me that one day I was going to break something and she was going to break my head. I didn't listen and about a week later sure enough I broke something, her favorite doll.
I tried to glue it and fix it but it was broken. Eventually she found out but she didn't break my head. Instead she made me a deal. She told me I could pay for it with the money I earned stocking beer and cleaning bathrooms at my moms bar or I could give her all my Tetes and we would be even. That was a tough call. I was very crazy about my money back then. I would hide it and count it everyday. I wasn't about to give that up and I wasn't giving up my Tetes so we were going to have a problem. She let me sleep on it and I was to give her an answer in the morning.
When I woke up she was right there waiting for her answer. I thought long and hard. I wasn't giving up the money. So I opted for the te-tes. It was the worst day of my life. I remember walking around the house putting all my tetes in a big garbage bag. There must have been 60 of them and I cried over everyone, It was traumatizing. I remember sitting in my room thinking, How was I going to cope?
Days went by and I forgot all about my Tete, life went on. There was no rehab, no story, no hugs.that's it. Why couldn't everything be that easy? It is! I was young and there was no thinking about anything, you just did it! The decision always begins with you, deep inside. Once you tell yourself you can do something its scary. It doesn't have to be an addiction, it could be something as simple as a goal of yours that you can't seem to crack. Everybody is worried about how? The answer is always in front of you. It all begins with you! Just fucking do it! Whats all the talking about?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a great week and remember..........................Stay Black!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)