What's happening beautiful people? Its been a hell of a week but we're here. The surgery went well and the recovery has been a piece of cake, thank you for all your thoughts. Its amazing how far we've come, I remember when they would stitch you up with a needle and thread, then they'd shoot you directly in the wound with the liquid coke, then they'd start sewing.
Anyway, enough of that, I'll faint right here on the computer. A few weeks ago on one of the JRE podcast, I spoke about fear and how I dealt with it. Lets get something straight, I've always been scared of my own shadow. If it wasn't for my Mother's methods of raising a child, I would have been in trouble. I was an only child and to boot I was an immigrant, my father died when I was three and I was left to my mother. When you have a Spanish mom, your her little prince, for Christ sake, my mom would dress me in white from head to toe and send me out to play, I didn't know, but my mother thought it was cute. That was NYCity in the 70's, I got tortured and I adjusted but it always left a scar in my brain, that all white clothing shit was Cuban and kids would laugh, are Cubans weird? So I did everything to be American, thats all I strived for as a kid. I ate hotdogs and hamburgers like a motherfucker. I watched every TV show imaginable, thats how I really learned to speak English, so after a while, I had it covered, or did I.
In the 6th grade I discovered another secret, I couldn't do a pull up in gym class so they wouldn't give me the Presidents Patch for fitness, that killed me. I went home and did pushups and jumping jacks for weeks, eventually two years later I did a pull up. Where are you going with this Joey? Those little things always made me feel weak, and I'm sure there were other things that gave me those feelings of insecurity.
About 9 years ago, I started getting really bad anxiety attacks. I would get to a place, see a few people and just leave, you have no idea how many gigs and auditions and functions I missed because of this. I thought it was the blow, but we all know that gives you balls of steel, was it the other drugs and alcohol I was doing? I went to see Doctors and phyciatrist and they all perscribed some shit, but those feeling didn't go away. I would be home relaxing watching a movie and my brain would flip out. At the time doing blow would be the only thing to calm me down. I would run red lights till I'd hit the ATM machine and then do the same on the way to the dealer's house, it was amazing. I'd get the package, grind it with my hands and snort it at the first red light that now I would stop for. It was a great bandaid for a while but I knew eventually, it would have to stop.
After a few years of this, I sat down one night and had a long talk with myself. The conclusion I came up with was the anxiety that was hitting me was my body telling me that there was something wrong with it that I had to take care of, the first thing I did was to throw away the pills and start working out. I went to sleep at a decent hour and I gave accupuncture a try, that was 6 years ago, but there was something else.
I've always had a voice, something my mother put in my head at an early age, say what you feel and do what feels right to you. Lets face it, I've always been a fucking wild man but after I got out of prison, I tried to tone that down a little. I figured out that maybe I should think before I strike, think about things before I let the Cuban come out, I tried it for a while. Then came the divorce, they fucked with me not to mention I had 2 felonies already so I had to behave, but at the same time, I had to keep my mouth shut, it got so overwhelming for me that I left that dream of raising a daughter to pursue comedy, it was painfull but I knew if I stayed something bad was going to happen, so I bit my tongue.
Then I moved out to L.A. to pursue my dream and boy do you have to be a sheep and keep your mouth closed because that person knows this person and this person knows that one, so even though I was dealing with a bigger thiefs than I ever was and at least I had the balls to rob me with a gun, these fucks don't have those types of manners, so again I bit my tongue. That fear along with my other insecurities drove me and my addictions to new levels and I didn't even know at the time, that what was giving me the anxiety, one not taking care of myself and two not telling people how I feel and telling them to go fuck themselves but most importantly, living my life on my terms, fuck the Jone's and the Johnson's!
Fear and anxiety go hand in hand, when I started comedy, it took me 9 months to finally get on stage, we all have fears, attack them with 3 hands because if you don't, the fears add up and you go no where. You know whats bothering you, why the fuck are you asking people for help. Everybody has an iPhone and an iPod but when it comes to ourselves, I, we forget. If something is not right, attack it, conquer it or fail, but move on, why linger. You know what you can or can't do, but the quicker you get it over with, the quicker you know. I can't lie I had doubts about that knee surgery until that morning. On the drive is where I talked myself into it. At first I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I did and the added pressure and love from you guys helped me through. I still get scared before I go on stage after 20 years of doing it, at first I panic but after a few seconds I know I'm alive, and again, what can you do? Go in there and do it! Thank you for reading.
If you don't know, the documentary is getting released on March 17th. I am doing a 1 Man Show called, "Stories" on February 29th @ The IceHouse Stage 2. I'm taking footage from the show to use on the film. Come out! Tickets are 10$
Thank you also for making, "It's Either You or The Priest" the #1 Download on Payloadz.com. It will be available on iTunes In March. But you could get it here for 5$! It will be more on iTunes because thats how that works!
Thank you again for reading a have a Happy Presidents weekend! Stay Black!
About Me
- madflavor
- I'm a Comedian who loves to write blogs about my past experiences, no matter what they are.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
UNCLE MIKE!
What's happening beautiful people? It's been a while. I try to write a few things at once and I know I'm not focusing on my blogs but I promise I'll try to put a few of these together before it gets busy so I could let you know whats on my mind.
Last week I got a call from a dear friend, Mike Kessler, telling me he was moving to New York City for a while. If you know Mike, this isn't a big deal, he's a rocker roller type guy. He mentioned the reason why he was going back to me about a month ago, but I put the thought off. I've known Mike for about 21 years. We met in Boulder Colorado while I was in the Halfway house for a probation violation. He wasn't in the house with me, I met him at a Nissan Dealer he worked at with another friend of mine.
Mike and I hit it off immediately, we were both from the New York City area, we both were wheeler, dealers and we both loved drugs, from reefer, to pills to powder, we were always doing something. Mike met me at the end of my marriage and the beginning of my comedy career. I remember him and his daughter taping my set in 94' , so I could enter an open mike contest. Mike also knew my daughter when she was a year old. I would bring her over his house to play with his daughter and their dog. Mike also saw me at my worst and excepted me for who I was, he never lay judgement, he knew about all my scams those days from flipping drug dealers to selling fake memberships to the Mafia, he would just laugh and take the knocks along with me and he would always stick up for me.
In 95', when I got my balls together and dove into comedy, it was Mike who found me a car for six hundred that lasted me for 4 years of hard Madflavor driving from coast to coast. I remember the night I left him giving me his last 20$ for gas. I called him every few days to report my comedy progress and in a way he was always very proud. When I got arrested in Seattle, he wired money to my books, without judging me or giving me an ear beating. Finally when I called him to tell him I was going for broke in L.A., he was one of the few people that said, I had nothing, so I had nothing to lose.
I was in Los Angeles for about 2 years when I got the call from Mike that he wanted to move out here with his family because his daughter wanted to model. We picked up right were we left off in Boulder. He would pick me up about 8PM and we would head out to do our thing, first off, I would always do a set or two and pick up cash, then we'd head to the Comedy Store do the last set of the night, get a cocktail, head home and cop what we needed on the way, we'd either stop at El Compadre or at the Martel Cartel to pick up powder for me then we'd go to the corner of Selma and La Brea and get a few rocks for my Uncle Mike. I'd do a bump, he'd do a hit, and we'd go our seperate ways. Uncle Mike wasn't only my drug buddy, he was also a Manager, driver of sorts, it was Mike who made me go to the Spiderman 2 audition, I was hung over and tired, he asked me how many people would kill to go in there? He was right. It was also Mike who told me to try WeightWatchers because he loved me and he didn't want me to get sick. It was Mike who never once tortured me when I stopped drugging and doing blow, Mike was a special type of guy and in reality the closest thing I've had to a real Father.
Uncle Mike is sixty five years old, 17 years my elder and do you know that 3 years ago at 62, he was the top salesman at a Subaru dealership in Southern California. They were getting complaints that he would give Demo drives high so the Corporate offices made him take a UA and he came back positive for 8 different drugs! They made him quit. He was depressed for a few days because he was uncertain of his future, he wasn't eligible for retirement benefits for a few years, he was also a decorated Vietnam Vet, something I forgot to add. But still he didn't know what to do.
He soon found out that he was eligible for unemployment benefits and since he had worked forever he got the highest payment per quarter. He started working out and got off the drugs one at a time. He also picked up one of his first passions, the guitar. He cleaned up and little by little, and he started looking better. He got a little gig with an art guy to keep his mind fresh but he continued to do his thing. Last fall, he went to Florida and reconnected with some guys that he had been in a band with before the Heroin epidemic had hit. They spoke and decided to get together and jam, they had a great time so they decided to do something unheard of for guys their age, put the band together. They shot for January of 2012, one of the guys was building a studio and fixing up his basement to turn it into bedrooms so they could all live together, rehearse and record for 8 weeks. These guys are all the same ages, I think he said the youngest was 62. At that age to start anything takes balls!
I really applaud my Uncle Mike, because of everything he's done for me but most important what he's done for himself. He's raised 2 daughters, he got divorced at the end after 20 years because he's crazy, but they remained friends, but most important, for being there for me all these years. My wife is pretty straight, she never did drugs and she once told me that I was lucky to have Mike in my life because he really cared about me and I have to tell you I didn't know how much I loved Mike until I got that call telling me he was leaving. All I could tell you is that it's never too late, thats the gift I got from Mike, you could do whatever the fuck you want to do in this life. All those years I thought it was something about me but it was his strength that pushed me along, the things you realize after you've lived it!
Thank you for reading! Before you ask, the documentary will be released March 17th. The One Man show I'm doing to wrap around the doc is February 29th at The IceHouse on a Wednesday, I hope you guys can make it out, I'll keep you posted. The surgery went well, thank you for the love and support. I'm still coming down off the vikes and the magic juice they gave me at the hospital, I'm sorry about the rambling but I have to clear the mind somewhere!
Have a great weekend....Stay Black!
Last week I got a call from a dear friend, Mike Kessler, telling me he was moving to New York City for a while. If you know Mike, this isn't a big deal, he's a rocker roller type guy. He mentioned the reason why he was going back to me about a month ago, but I put the thought off. I've known Mike for about 21 years. We met in Boulder Colorado while I was in the Halfway house for a probation violation. He wasn't in the house with me, I met him at a Nissan Dealer he worked at with another friend of mine.
Mike and I hit it off immediately, we were both from the New York City area, we both were wheeler, dealers and we both loved drugs, from reefer, to pills to powder, we were always doing something. Mike met me at the end of my marriage and the beginning of my comedy career. I remember him and his daughter taping my set in 94' , so I could enter an open mike contest. Mike also knew my daughter when she was a year old. I would bring her over his house to play with his daughter and their dog. Mike also saw me at my worst and excepted me for who I was, he never lay judgement, he knew about all my scams those days from flipping drug dealers to selling fake memberships to the Mafia, he would just laugh and take the knocks along with me and he would always stick up for me.
In 95', when I got my balls together and dove into comedy, it was Mike who found me a car for six hundred that lasted me for 4 years of hard Madflavor driving from coast to coast. I remember the night I left him giving me his last 20$ for gas. I called him every few days to report my comedy progress and in a way he was always very proud. When I got arrested in Seattle, he wired money to my books, without judging me or giving me an ear beating. Finally when I called him to tell him I was going for broke in L.A., he was one of the few people that said, I had nothing, so I had nothing to lose.
I was in Los Angeles for about 2 years when I got the call from Mike that he wanted to move out here with his family because his daughter wanted to model. We picked up right were we left off in Boulder. He would pick me up about 8PM and we would head out to do our thing, first off, I would always do a set or two and pick up cash, then we'd head to the Comedy Store do the last set of the night, get a cocktail, head home and cop what we needed on the way, we'd either stop at El Compadre or at the Martel Cartel to pick up powder for me then we'd go to the corner of Selma and La Brea and get a few rocks for my Uncle Mike. I'd do a bump, he'd do a hit, and we'd go our seperate ways. Uncle Mike wasn't only my drug buddy, he was also a Manager, driver of sorts, it was Mike who made me go to the Spiderman 2 audition, I was hung over and tired, he asked me how many people would kill to go in there? He was right. It was also Mike who told me to try WeightWatchers because he loved me and he didn't want me to get sick. It was Mike who never once tortured me when I stopped drugging and doing blow, Mike was a special type of guy and in reality the closest thing I've had to a real Father.
Uncle Mike is sixty five years old, 17 years my elder and do you know that 3 years ago at 62, he was the top salesman at a Subaru dealership in Southern California. They were getting complaints that he would give Demo drives high so the Corporate offices made him take a UA and he came back positive for 8 different drugs! They made him quit. He was depressed for a few days because he was uncertain of his future, he wasn't eligible for retirement benefits for a few years, he was also a decorated Vietnam Vet, something I forgot to add. But still he didn't know what to do.
He soon found out that he was eligible for unemployment benefits and since he had worked forever he got the highest payment per quarter. He started working out and got off the drugs one at a time. He also picked up one of his first passions, the guitar. He cleaned up and little by little, and he started looking better. He got a little gig with an art guy to keep his mind fresh but he continued to do his thing. Last fall, he went to Florida and reconnected with some guys that he had been in a band with before the Heroin epidemic had hit. They spoke and decided to get together and jam, they had a great time so they decided to do something unheard of for guys their age, put the band together. They shot for January of 2012, one of the guys was building a studio and fixing up his basement to turn it into bedrooms so they could all live together, rehearse and record for 8 weeks. These guys are all the same ages, I think he said the youngest was 62. At that age to start anything takes balls!
I really applaud my Uncle Mike, because of everything he's done for me but most important what he's done for himself. He's raised 2 daughters, he got divorced at the end after 20 years because he's crazy, but they remained friends, but most important, for being there for me all these years. My wife is pretty straight, she never did drugs and she once told me that I was lucky to have Mike in my life because he really cared about me and I have to tell you I didn't know how much I loved Mike until I got that call telling me he was leaving. All I could tell you is that it's never too late, thats the gift I got from Mike, you could do whatever the fuck you want to do in this life. All those years I thought it was something about me but it was his strength that pushed me along, the things you realize after you've lived it!
Thank you for reading! Before you ask, the documentary will be released March 17th. The One Man show I'm doing to wrap around the doc is February 29th at The IceHouse on a Wednesday, I hope you guys can make it out, I'll keep you posted. The surgery went well, thank you for the love and support. I'm still coming down off the vikes and the magic juice they gave me at the hospital, I'm sorry about the rambling but I have to clear the mind somewhere!
Have a great weekend....Stay Black!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)