KEEPING YOUR POWDER DRY!

                       What's happening beautiful people? Happy 420! Its been a while since I wrote something, I'm sorry but I've been busy with tour dates and a One Man show and the cats, you know how it gets but I'm here now so lets do this.
                       For the last few weeks I've been on the road and its amazing the response I've gotten concerning the podcast. Whether its "Beauty and Da Beast" or" The Joe Rogan Experience", people always come up to me and say they enjoy it or I'm funny and that's OK. Its the people that were coming up to me saying that listening to the podcast changed their life or it kept them together on a weekly basis, those were the remarks that had me worried because if I'm the guy that keeps you together, you really have problems.
                        I thought about it for a couple of days and it hit me. As you know, when I was 14 I lost my mother. Life at the time was as hard as I made it. I was really down on life, on myself, the people around me but most important, God. My central belief system had died. It happens to a lot of people. It happens when your done with life and it happens to a human later on in life, but when it happens to a young kid that's real bad. Your confused, lost and nothing is possible in your world. At this pace your just a walking time bomb. This is when your weak and any thing could take over and its usually negative. Negative people, negative thoughts,and the next thing you know your in a jail cell or dead, all by your own creation because we were weak at that particular moment.
                         I know about these feelings because this is what I went through, I didn't know it then but years later I realized it. One of the things that stopped me from taking out a whole building and then icing myself was the comfort and acceptance I found from listening to Black Sabbath at the time. Albums like "Master of Reality" and "Sabotage" but the album that hit me the most was "Sabbath, Bloody, Sabbath". The song became my anthem because it was about revenge, for what life had done to me.But in all that anger and confusion, this music gave me another day, it gave me hope as stupid as it sounds.

                      In my heart I felt Ozzy had written these songs for me. It felt like he had gone through all the things I did and knew what I was going through. I would get a gram of Coke or a hit of acid and play those albums over and over again. While listening to the music I would go through every emotion that was in my heart at the time. I would always start crying in the middle of my trip but by the end of it I knew it was going to get better because somewhere in that music Ozzy told me it would get better. Does that sound stupid?
                    So after thinking about this, I understood what people were saying to me. Sometimes we get inspiration and comfort from the simplest things. When I started doing podcast whether it was with Felicia or with Rogan or anyone else I decided that I wouldn't be a comedian but a human being. Radio for me is so we could sell our dates and merchandise and what not. I felt that podcast were the next level, so we as entertainers had to take it to the next level but it wasn't going to be with jokes and cute stories but with our lives.That what sets us apart from each other because we all have a funny 30 minute set, but our lives are all different and very unique. Who would have known telling you guys about burning a hookers wig, or my times in prison were going to make you like and understand me. If this is what gets you through and keeps your powder dry..............Thank you. It makes what I do a lot easier, which is being me and at the end of the day that and Staying Black is all that really matters. Have a great week, much love and always be yourself!!!!!!

MY BARTENDING CAREER

           Hello beautiful people! Happy Tuesday! I know I'm supposed to write on Mondays but I was still recuperating from Portland not to mention I was busy. Things have slowed down a little now so I'm ready to rock.
People always ask me, What did you do before comedy? For starters I always had dreams of being an attorney. Once I got out of North Bergen I figured I'd establish residency somewhere than after a year apply to some small College that was dumb enough to accept me, and in time I could transfer to a big school than Law school but for the time being I was a full time hustler, burglaries, selling drugs, credit cards, all the bottom level street stuff, its lucrative but lets face it, its small time.
              In 84' after a short stint in Colorado, I decided to move back to North Bergen with a plan to take over the crime syndicate. When I realized that was impossible I looked for strait work. I worked in an Electrical warehouse for a while, it was Union and it payed well, but it wasn't me. I grew up in a bar, why don't I bartend?
I checked around, people said to start as a bar back, or get a shitty day shift until they promote you but I didn't have time for that shit, I wanted to make big money now. A dear friend called and said his brother could get me a Union Bartending job for a small fee, the best thing was they sent you to school.
             I payed my dues and got my book. Part of the training was 2 weeks at "The American Bartending Institute" in midtown Manhattan. I worked a Banquet shift in the day time and went to class at night. The night of the big test I was offered a shift at the main bar so I blew it off because at that point who gave a fuck about a diploma. After about 8 months I started fucking up and ended up getting suspended and eventually loosing the job. In June of 85' when I left Jersey, my plan was to get a bartending job wherever I ended up.
            I applied for jobs in Boulder but wasn't there long enough to get any calls. I got involved in some credit card shit and had to leave in a hurry. When I got to San Francisco, I went out for about 2 weeks and with no luck, gave up. I did some hustling for a while, and one day while I was cashing in some stolen traveler's checks and I spotted a sign, "American Bartending Institute".
           I went in there and told them some story about there lifetime placement deal so they said they'd make some calls and get back to me. The next morning there on the phone saying that I didn't finish the program. I'm like, how did I get the job then? Call the Hotel and ask them. They call back and say, the hell with it. The New York School is fucked with there records. We have an interview for you. It was at 10:30AM at some fancy restaurant. At the time I'm living in the Tenderloin at some hotel that was crazy. I take a bus early the next morning. I get there 45 minutes before my interview. I was a fuck up but at the same time a go-getter, the early bird gets the worm.
         I walk in and theirs nobody around. I'm saying hello! Nothing. I walk to the back and I see the office  door wide open and the safe door open to boot with the last nights take plus the 3 cash registers that were ready to go. I left it alone and did a once over for cameras and what not, I really needed the job but who the fuck would turn this score down on a Thursday morning?
     I had a suit on, I started filling every pocket with bills, change, envelopes, everything. I found an old school canvas deposit bag and filled it to the brim. I remember when I was walking out my jacket was long on one side from the weight of the change. As I'm walking out someone yells, can I help you? I start talking Spanish and walk out. As I'm walking out of the door, I see a bus at the light and I start running like a motherfucker! I'm huffing and puffing but I make it. I walk to the back, slide into the long seat and just sit there in shock that someone would leave that much money in a room wide open. At that point I decided, fuck bartending this shit is too easy. My take was about 3 grand, unfuckingbelievable! A hundred of that in quarters!
  Its crazy but it's my life. Thank you for reading! Brea Improv April 13th 8PM! Have a great week and STAY BLACK! At the end, that's all you got!